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Join us at an upcoming public workshop! We will be at Lincoln Bassett on May 13th and Edgewood Magnet on June 4th.

All workshops will include activities for children, food, and an option to participate on Zoom if you are unable to attend in person.

Please help us get the word out to your friends, family, and neighbors! 

https://newhavenvision2034.com/ ;

Están invitados a nuestros próximos talleres para Visión 2034, el Plan Integral de New Haven. Estaremos en la escuela de Lincoln Bassett el 13 de Mayo y en la escuela de Edgewood Magnet el 4 de Junio.

Todos los talleres incluyeran actividades para niños, comida, y una opción de participar en Zoom si no puede venir en persona. 

¡Por favor ayúdenos correr la voz a sus amigos, familia, y vecinos! 

Who We Are Looking For 

Are you passionate about making a positive impact in the Greater New Haven community? Do you have an eye for graphic design and great communication skills? Do you want to expand your skills while helping do good in the community? If so, our Marketing & Communications internship may be perfect for you! 

• 10 hours per week (Mon-Fri); flexible between 9am-5pm
• Pay: $16/hour
• Mid-May through mid-August

 What You Are Great At 

• You have graphic design experience in Canva or Adobe programs.
• You are a strong communicator. You can convey your message clearly to a variety of audiences, including volunteers, staff, and on social media. 
• You’re a team player. Reporting to the Communications Manager, you will work closely with other members of the Marketing and Engagement team.  

 What You Will Do 

As a Marketing and Engagement Intern, you will assist the Communications Manager in a variety of tasks, including social media management, drafting content, managing digital assets, and administrative support.

Requirements: Reliable transportation with the ability to travel to and from events in greater New Haven is necessary.

To apply go to Careers | United Way of Greater New Haven (uwgnh.org)

In his new body of work, artist Michael Zack considers the CONVERGENCE of form, figures, and color. The exhibit will be on view from May 3 - May 26, with an Opening Reception on Sunday, May 5, 2 p.m. - 4 p.m. The artist will also be in the gallery on Friday, May 10 and Sunday, May 26 to answer questions and meet with visitors.

Zack’s trademark images are shorn of distinguishing facial features and clothing detail, so that they become anyone and everyone — uniquely individual and somewhat mysterious. He selects figures because of the gestural qualities and their ability to relate to each other and the space in which they are placed. The interrelationships of the figures and the movement within the panoramas are supported by the vibrant, subtle and nuanced range of colors within the prints. 

“They are frequently, but not always based on people I know and have had the opportunity to observe as they go about their daily lives,” he explains. “Some of the images are from photos of family members and friends taken many years ago. Consequently, the memories and feelings they evoke are unique and personal to me.” But taken out of the context, the figures have been rearranged into a panorama that has a narrative all its own, one that invites the viewer to interpret in his or her own way.

Zack received his art education at The Brooklyn Museum Art School, The Silvermine School of Art and Creative Arts Workshop. His work has been shown at City Gallery in New Haven, The Silvermine Guild Arts Center in New Canaan,  where he is a member, The New Haven Paint and Clay Club, the Community Gallery of the Brooklyn Museum, the Attleboro Museum in Attleboro, MA, the Paul Mellon Arts Center, Wallingford, CT, the Fitchburg Art Museum, Fitchburg, MA, The Bruce Kershner Gallery at the Fairfield Library and the Katonah Museum among others.

CONVERGENCE is free and open to the public and runs May 3 - May 26, with an Opening Reception on Sunday, May 5, 2 p.m. - 4 p.m. The artist will be in the gallery on Friday, May 10 and Sunday, May 2. City Gallery is located at 994 State Street, New Haven, CT 06511. Gallery hours are Friday - Sunday, 12 p.m. - 4 p.m., or by appointment. City Gallery follows New Haven City’s mask mandate policy. For further information please contact City Gallery, info@city-gallery.org, www.city-gallery.org.

Photo Credit: Uday Mittal

One of the insights I gained early in my recovery journey was that I'd been expecting people to read my mind my whole life—well, at least subconsciously. If you had asked me, "Are you expecting people to read your mind?" I probably would have said no.

As I talked with others on my recovery journey with me, we realized that was true for all of us. And the reason we wanted people to read our minds was because we thought that’s how it works! Again, this was all subconscious.

We realized we’d all been trying to read others’ minds our entire lives, so why weren't they reading our minds??? Let’s forget the fact that we were wrong about being able to read other people’s minds!!! That didn't seem to matter.

In trying to understand all this, it helps to think about the four primary rules under which dysfunctional families operate:

• Don't talk
• Don't trust
• Don't feel
• Don't remember 

In the case of believing we could and should read other people’s minds, the rule we were sticking by is the don't talk rule. That means a few things:

• Don't ask questions when you don't understand something. I internalized that as meaning that I had to have an answer for everything and saying, “I don’t know”, was not an option.
• Don't talk about certain kinds of things, typically important things like spirituality, feelings, finances, or how to take care of yourself.
• Pretend certain things didn’t happen and don’t ask questions when the adults say one thing and do another. 
• Don’t ask questions when you’re confused, don’t know what’s going on around you, or don’t understand what people are talking about. Just accept confusion as part of life.

I had a lack of clarity about a lot of things in my life but didn’t realize that until I got into recovery, when and I got clarity about a lot of things. 

• I got clarity about my own identity and what was okay with me and not okay with me. 
• I got clarity about the fact that I’d been confused much of my life and that these dysfunctional family rules had been operating in and running my entire life. 
• I got clarity about the fact that I’d been trying to read people’s minds and that I was expecting others to read my mind.

This influenced all my relationships, especially romantic relationships. It meant I’d do things to try to get people to read my mind. Like pouting, giving one-word answers, or being rude. Then I’d want my partner, and sometimes friends, to know what was going on with me,

When they’d ask me if I was ok I’d say, “I'm fine”, when I was clearly not fine, they’d say, “Are you sure?” I’d say, “Yeah, I'm fine” but I didn't mean it. I believe I did that because I was exceedingly uncomfortable with them asking me directly about what was wrong. I wanted them to somehow intuit what was wrong with me. 

Don’t get me wrong - there were times when they got to the root of things with me. It's not like I never resolved anything in a relationship. But this was a pattern of mine where I wanted people to read my mind because I thought, “This is how it works.”

I wasn't used to open and direct communication with others. In fact, I was aghast when I saw and heard others coming out and stating clearly what they wanted and needed and what their preferences were. It seemed like they were being rude.

My relationship with my sweetheart is the only healthy romantic relationship I’ve ever had. When we first started dating he said something about “You seem interested in me” and I replied, “Yes I am, you have me curious!” I was 55 and I had never come out and said to a man, “I'm interested in you.” It just wasn’t an option. 

And I’d never had a man to come out and say, “I'm interested in you.” That was not my experience. We just didn't talk about such things, and that includes men I met on dating sites where it was really clear we were there to date. I’ve learned from others in recovery that I was not alone in all this.

If you recognize yourself in what I'm saying here and realize you've been trying to read other people’s minds (and holding them accountable for being able to read your mind) that is not how it works!

If you’re ever going to have a high-quality relationship with people, you’ll have to learn how to communicate directly and clearly with people. You’ll need to come right out and tell them what you want, need, like, prefer, think, and feel. And you’ll need to come right out and ask them what they want need think, and feel. This is one of the most important skills I teach my boundary-coaching clients. People with poor boundaries are notorious for murky communication, like beating around the bush, implying things, expecting that people “should” know things, and expecting mind-reading.

The ability to communicate directly takes lots of practice. Occasionally, it’s still hard for me, but most of the time it's pretty easy now because I know the cost of not communicating directly. I want healthy relationships where we’re real with each other, and that can only come from clear and direct communication.

If you need help learning how to clearly and directly communicate with others, you’re a great candidate for my private coaching program. I have an entire module on developing empowered communication, and that skill is something we work on during the entire program.

For more blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

There are two kinds of “uncomfortable.” The first might come up if you grew up in a chaotic and dysfunctional family like I did. That means you learned to put up with difficulty and discomfort. It could have been emotional, psychological, or physical discomfort. When our lives are like that, we come to accept that life is difficult and uncomfortable.

Then there’s a different kind of uncomfortable that has to do with changing your behavior and stretching yourself to go outside of your comfort zone. It’s uncomfortable to do that because it’s new. Using the metaphor of the well-worn groove from above – we have to leap out of our well-worn groove and carve a new one. That’s definitely not comfortable, and it's not easy. At least at first, it’s not.

Whether you stay with your old pattern or try on new behaviors discomfort persists. The thing about the old patterns is that that kind of discomfort is perpetual. In fact, it’s likely to get worse and create more chaos and drama in our lives. But when we form new patterns of behavior and have discomfort with that, that discomfort will eventually end. We’ll eventually become comfortable with the new behavior if we persist. Even better, there’s healing on the other side of that!

Our tolerance for discomfort in our lives may come from growing up in situations that were dysfunctional, chaotic, and potentially traumatic. So we learned to put up with being uncomfortable much of the time. We normalize discomfort. We come to think that’s just how life is. If we don’t know any difference, then we might have a high tolerance for dysfunction. 

We don't have to do that anymore. We get to decide for ourselves as grown adults what we prefer, and then we get to seek those things out. I know it's not quite as easy as deciding “This is what I prefer” and then seeking that out. Many of us don't know what we prefer if we’ve been people-pleasing or enmeshed with others and going by what they prefer. 

The process of determining what you prefer takes a while. For me personally, the way I determined what I liked and didn’t like was in the boundary-building process. I made educated guesses about what I thought I’d like and then set boundaries following that. Sometimes I was right, and sometimes I was wrong. But it was feedback. I figured out what was comfortable for me and what was uncomfortable for me. When something was comfortable, I kept doing it. When it was uncomfortable, I adjusted. Understanding the distinction between the two types of discomfort was really important in that process.

For example, one thing that really helped me to get good at boundaries was being in recovery for compulsive overeating and having a food plan. In the beginning, I’d say, “I don’t eat sugar” in situations where there was food being served. Inevitably, people would ask me all kinds of questions. I realized that made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want to go into detail about my food and eating. Then I started saying, “I don’t eat sweets” and there were more questions. Eventually, I landed on, “I have food issues”, and I found that people didn’t ask any questions. That felt comfortable.

I also used to offer explanations when I refused food, and there were more questions that made me uncomfortable. I finally landed on, “No thanks” with no explanation. If they pushed more, I’d just repeat myself, “No thanks.” That felt comfortable. It’s polite, and I don’t owe anyone an explanation about my food intake.

The second kind of uncomfortable comes along when we start to form new patterns of behavior. Like setting boundaries around my food and my discussions about my food. It was definitely uncomfortable at first. But my recovery was more important to me than putting up with some temporary discomfort. Knowing that my sanity and health are at stake if I compromise my food boundaries makes me care much less about offending others. They don’t have to live in my body, I do.

Here’s the key distinction between these two types of discomfort: on the other side the discomfort of the new behavior pattern is freedom and healing. If you allow yourself to go through the discomfort of learning to set boundaries, you’ll experience freedom like you’ve never had before.

We experience mental, emotional, and physical relief as we allow ourselves to be our true selves when we set boundaries and tell people the truth about what’s okay and not okay. 

When you're thinking about whether things make you uncomfortable or not, ask yourself this question:

Is this the bad kind of uncomfortable or the good kind of uncomfortable?

In other words, is this the discomfort of a long-standing dysfunctional pattern that will only get worse over time? Or is this the discomfort of trying something new that will become comfortable and lead to freedom?

You might also ask yourself this: What would happen if you persisted with this kind of discomfort?

If you continue to people-please and give in to what others want, or continue to focus more on others’ approval than your own, your resentment and exhaustion are likely to continue. But if you persist with the good kind of discomfort that comes with changed behavior, the long-term result is that change happens, you become comfortable with the new pattern, and you get the rewards of the new healthy behavior. 

What kind of life are you going to have if you continue with whichever form of discomfort you’re experiencing? Will it be to your detriment or your personal development?

You can choose to get outside your comfort zone with the kind of discomfort that is going to make you grow. You can choose to stop putting up with the kind of discomfort that prolongs your discomfort and leads to more chaos and drama

For more blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Photo Credit: Valeriia Miller

Emotional pain sucks. Sometimes, it's worse than physical pain. I’ve got some ways for you to reduce the amount and frequency of your emotional pain. I’ll share those at the end after sharing the ways I prolonged and increased my emotional pain before I got into recovery.

Here’s some evidence of the emotional pain I’ve been through. I’ve had several episodes of depression that were so debilitating that I could barely get out of bed. It’s hard to believe I kept my job. I'd go days without showering or brushing my teeth. I’d wear clothes I knew were dirty because I just didn’t give a shit. I just couldn’t give a shit.

There’s only one house plant that has survived all of my bouts of depression. I've killed at least a couple of different rounds of house plants in my life because I just couldn’t be bothered keeping something else alive. I was having a hard enough time keeping myself alive. I was never suicidal, but I did understand why others would when I was that depressed.

I've also had the regular emotional pain that people who aren't depressed experience, like heartbreak, lost friendships, and catastrophizing about the future. The emotional pain I endured when my 35-year-old brother Pat died in 2006 was by far the worst emotional pain of my life. So I get it.

What I know now is that there were things I was doing that made my pain worse and prolonged it. I was not taught how to deal with my emotions at all, never mind how to manage emotional pain. Until I got into recovery, that is. 

Here’s how to prolong and increase your pain.

Here are some of the things I did in the past that either prolonged or increased my pain. 

1). I wallowed in the pain by repeatedly thinking thoughts that gave me pain. For example, “I’ll never find love.” This kind of thought prolongs the fight-or-flight cycle in the brain and body. I didn't realize it was an option to not do that. I didn’t know it was a choice I was making to replay those thoughts. It may not feel like you’re choosing your thoughts, but you are. This is good news because that means you can choose to change them!

2). I’d also replay painful incidents in my head. If somebody said something really hurtful to me, I’d replay that episode in my head over and over. I was acting as if I replayed it enough times, I’d somehow have a different outcome. Instead, it increased my pain and reinforced for me what an asshole they were. That reinforced my belief that they were the source of my problems rather than that my thinking was the source of my problems. When you go through something difficult, you’re only meant to go through it once. Not repeatedly.

3). Another strategy I used to use when I was in emotional pain was beating myself up for being in pain. On some level, I must have believed this would get me to ‘tow the line’ or that I could punish myself into better behavior. But I was fooling myself. You may think you’re aiming at the goal of “better” with negative self-talk, but what you’re actually doing is aiming for the goal of “worse.”

Want some evidence? The quality of your life right now! If you’re constantly dwelling on how shitty you feel or are, and your life isn’t getting any better, you’re hitting the goal you’re aiming at (even if it’s subconscious). This is making things worse. That’s because we hit what we aim at.

What’s going on in your head is of the utmost importance. If you’re telling yourself the same terrible things all day long, day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year it has an enormous impact.

4). Something else I did was isolate myself and not express my pain to others. I held onto my difficult feelings, often trying to push them down. I may have expressed them when I was alone, but I wouldn’t do that until they were completely bottled up. Then I would cry and cry and cry. I’ve learned that expressing my feelings in the presence of a safe person does something magical– it eases the pain. 

The first time I learned this was with grief. It was almost as if hugging the person when I was crying with grief sucked the grief out of me. I’ve heard it said that happy relationships multiply joys and divide sorrows and this is a perfect example of that. Being witnessed by a caring person when we're in pain is so powerful. I think it’s because we’re wired for connection. As they say, “We’re obsessive and compulsive in isolation but we heal in community.” If isolating could help us reduce our emotional pain it would have by now!

I couldn’t see that these things I was doing were wounding me repeatedly. All this kept me in victim mentality, which is such an insidious way of thinking that is so deeply entrenched it’s hard to spot. In this case, victim mentality means believing that the source of my problems was outside myself. Coming out of victim mentality is – by far – the most important mindset shift I got from recovery. And I continue to come out of it to this day. In fact, I have at least five podcast episodes about coming out of victim mentality!

You do not have to wallow in your feelings, replay difficult situations, beat yourself, or isolate yourself. You only experienced that terrible situation once, so stop replaying it. When I learned that it was a choice to stop wallowing, replaying incidents, etc. and I could lessen my pain it radically impacted my life!

Those old patterns were soooo familiar. They were so familiar they were almost comfortable. And I mean comfortable like a well-worn groove, but not comforting. If that distinction between comfortable and comforting is something you’d like to explore more, you can listen to my episode about that here. 

I was kind of comfortable with pain, to be honest with you. It was like an old friend who I just kept around because they’d always been there, not because I really wanted them to stick around. 

Here’s how to reduce your emotional pain.

Understanding how our brains work is really helpful when you’re trying to manage your emotions and create a better life. Keep in mind I’m a layperson, so this is my wording and understanding, I’m not a neuroscientist. 

When we get stressed out, which includes being in emotional pain, we become unable to access our frontal lobe. This is our “thinking brain.” That’s why when you’re stressed, it feels like you can’t think clearly. That’s because you can’t. You’re in fight-or-flight mode and you’re supposed to fight or flee, not think. This is a mechanism of safety for our body so the energy you need to fight or flee can be available, which it wouldn’t be if it were directed to the frontal lobe.

The way this knowledge helps is that we understand the importance of making as many decisions as possible using the frontal lobe. That’s because these will be more reasoned and rational decisions. They’re not as likely to be clouded decisions. For me, that means making as many decisions ahead of time as possible (p.s., this is what boundaries are – we make decisions ahead of time about what our standards for our life are and we uphold them – no matter what’s going on).

You’re much better off if you make decisions ahead of time than when you’re in fight-or-flight mode when you can’t think. If you've already made a decision ahead of time, you don't have to think. Just have to act on that prior decision made by your frontal lobe or “human brain” as opposed to your lizard brain.

This allows you to be an actor rather than a reactor in your life. Making some decisions ahead of time reduces emotional pain. Here’s what that might look like:

When you’re well, think about three things you can do to take care of yourself when you’re really upset. This might be pausing to take three deep breaths, going to the bathroom to remove yourself from the situation, or feeling your feet planted firmly on the ground. Write those three things down and make sure at least one of them can be done immediately.

For me, the quick thing is always a positive statement. I have an affirmations note on my phone so I can just open that up and look at those. I also have a few photos on my phone saved as favorites that make me feel connected to my Higher Power so I can look at those.

Another thing we can do easily is engage our senses (e.g., name five things in the room that you can see; listen for the most distant sound you can hear). This is helpful because engaging our senses brings us into the present moment. 

Personally, I like affirmations because it's my mind that causes all the distress so that’s where I need to intervene. But sometimes my body acts like there’s an emergency inside so I want to calm it down by breathing and/or getting present.

You could also connect with your Higher Power or say a prayer. If there’s anything I’ve just named that appeals to you, please take a moment right now to write it down. That way you’ll have them to refer to when you’re upset so you won’t have to think about what to do because you just decided ahead of time. 

Perhaps have a list of 2-4 people on your note that you can reach out to when you’re in pain. That way you don’t have to think, “Who can I call?” and you’re less likely to talk yourself out of calling them if you’ve made the decision ahead of time.

Reducing emotional pain isn’t about never being in pain again. It’s about being there for ourselves when we’re in pain. Doing things to soothe ourselves instead of making it worse. If we take care of ourselves consistently, it will reduce our pain. Being consistent is the opposite of being chaotic which is what wallowing in pain and replaying negative scenarios create – chaos.

I know it’s not that easy to just stop a thinking pattern you’ve done your whole life. So be sure to get your new thoughts and soothing behaviors written down and make sure to carry them around with you (perhaps on your phone). When the shitty thoughts and feelings come up, look at that note and think those thoughts or do those behaviors.

This works for a couple of reasons. One is that we’re making use of our frontal lobe when we come up with the thought ahead of time. Two, we can’t access that frontal lobe when we’re upset. When you refer to the thought or behavior you wrote down, you’re sort of “jumping out of” your lizard brain which breaks the pattern you’ve been using for years. 

When you replace your shitty thoughts and behaviors with good ones, it’s a good idea to keep saying the new thoughts and doing the new behaviors until you can get away from the subject altogether. Instead of thinking something like, “I’ll never find love” think something like “I’ll find love someday” or “I am lovable right now.” You don't have to believe that new thought in the beginning, just say it anyway. 

Instead of walling in or holding onto your difficult emotions and isolating yourself, reach out to someone you love and tell them you need to get some things off your chest. To reduce our emotional pain, we need to clean up what's going on in our minds, say good and positive things to ourselves, and connect with the present moment and those who love us. We need to treat ourselves well and take good care of ourselves. You don’t need to prolong or deepen your pain. I wish I’d been taught that decades ago, it would have saved me enormous amounts of pain.

For more blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

You are invited to the first public workshop for Vision 2034, New Haven’s Comprehensive Plan, on Thursday, April 25th from 5:30-7:30 at High School in the Community (175 Water Street)! 

Please help us get the word out to your friends, family, and neighbors! This workshop will include plan updates and visioning and will help inform the development of our topical working groups.

 https://newhavenvision2034.com/ 

Estan invitados al primer taller de Vision 2034, el Plan Integral de New Haven, el Jueves 25 de Abril de 5:30pm a 7:30pm en High School in the Community (175 Water Street).

¡Por favor ayúdenos correr la voz a sus amigos, familia, y vecinos! Este taller se incluyera actualizaciones sobre el plan, una sesión de visión, y ayudara a informar el desarrollo de nuestros grupos de trabajo temáticos.

Who Are We Looking For?

Are you a goal-oriented problem solver who enjoys working with data? Do you have outstanding attention to detail, organizational and analytical skills?  Do you want your work to help create positive change in our community?

 United Way of Greater New Haven (UWGNH) is seeking a Grants Accountant who is comfortable with deadlines and has exceptional data analysis skills.  This is a full-time salaried position that includes benefits with a salary range of $65,000-$70,000.

What You'll Do

Grant Management: United Way manages funding from various federal, state and private sources in order to carry out our mission. The Grants Accountant ensures compliance with administrative and fiscal requirements in grant contracts.  You will analyze grant agreements to understand financial reporting requirements, budget restrictions and compliance obligations outlined in the agreements. You will closely monitor grant budgets, expenditures and projections to ensure that funds are utilized in accordance with grant agreements and applicable regulations. You will be responsible for preparing accurate financial reports and invoices for submission to grantors in accordance with specified deadlines. You will work closely with program managers to develop grant budgets, provide budget to actual and ad hoc reporting, and resolve any variances.  You will be responsible for fiscal oversight and guidance to grant sub-recipients to adhere to grantor guidelines and specified timelines.

Grant Accounting: To ensure compliance with generally accepted accounting principles (GAAP) and applicable laws and regulations, you will assist in establishing and maintaining internal controls and procedures for accounting for grants.  This position will reconcile grant-related accounts in the general ledger, making necessary journal entry adjustments to maintain accurate financial records.  You will contribute to the annual audit process by assisting in the preparation of audit schedules, documentation and support related to grants.

General Accounting Support: Assist with month end close process; create journal entries, prepare monthly financial reports, perform general ledger account reconciliations.

Requirements

• Bachelor's degree in accounting preferred
• Two years of prior experience with grant accounting
• Experience with MIP Accounting system a plus
• Good numerical and analytical ability
• Proficiency with Microsoft Office 365 Applications
• Intermediate Microsoft Excel skills
• Excellent organizational skills with an ability to prioritize, manage and complete multiple tasks under time sensitive deadlines.
• Demonstrate good communication and interpersonal skills
• Experience or willingness to work in cross-functional settings and collaborate with multiple stakeholders

In accordance with organizational policies, this position requires a criminal background check as a condition of employment.

One of the most important things that 12-step recovery taught me was acceptance: how to accept things I previously considered unacceptable.

I didn’t really understand just how important the lack of acceptance was in my life. I was filled with resentments and wanted many things to be different than they were: traffic, my boss, politics, the educational system, the cap of my toothpaste tube.

I’d heard a bunch of things about acceptance before:

     “Emotional pain often comes from non-acceptance.”

     “Acceptance decreases suffering.”

     “Acceptance is a choice; it means we stop fighting against what IS.”

But my question was – how do you do it?! HOW do I learn to accept things that I see as unacceptable!?

Here’s my story to illustrate how I got to the point where I’m (mostly) accepting of things that used to feel unacceptable. It started with my first epiphany in recovery which happened while I was in a traffic jam. I’d just pumped the brakes for the third time while crawling along and this thought popped into my head, “I need to leave more space between cars…”

I was like, “Wait! Whoa! *I* need to leave more space between cars! It’s not that there’s traffic that’s the problem here, it’s me! I’m the problem!” This may not sound like good news to you, but it was good news to me because, if I’m the problem, then I can be the solution!

I wasn’t sure how I could be the solution just yet, but what came to mind was a common saying from recovery, “Acceptance is the answer to my problem today.”

I didn’t really know what that saying meant, but I’d been in recovery long enough to listen to the wisdom of recovery because I’d already learned so, so much that I never got in all the therapy and self-help stuff I did. What I did was repeat that phrase over and over again, “Acceptance is the answer to my problem today….” What happened was miraculous! I became calm.

The situation hadn’t changed, but my reaction to it was completely different. I very quickly had a cascade of understanding about how my thinking that there should not be traffic was the problem. Highways were built for traffic, yet I somehow thought there shouldn’t be traffic there (at least not while I was driving!).

This helped me see that it was my thinking the source of most of my problems. It’s thinking that things shouldn’t be the way they are that’s the problem. Recognizing that I wasn’t accepting things as they were was the biggest step in learning acceptance. You can’t fix something if you don’t see it as a problem.

Being in a situation that had been extremely frustrating just moments before and becoming calm in that very same situation changed everything. It was news to me that I could be in the same situation and not be activated!

I previously thought it was the situation that was the problem, but it turned out it was ME that was the problem. Or rather, it was my thinking about the situation that was the problem. I saw that I’d been trying to fight against reality, against what is. So I started telling myself, “This is what’s happening, this is what’s happening, this is what’s happening…” as a way to sort of “insert” myself into the facts of a situation (e.g., there’s traffic on the highway during rush hour). 

What’s interesting is that I was the kind of person who didn’t believe I had any “shoulds” in my thinking. When I heard things like, “Don’t should on yourself” I didn’t think it applied to me. Yet here I was thinking that traffic, politics, the educational system, etc., should be different than they were.

There’s a piece of 12-step literature about how saying something over and over can clear up a channel choked up with fear, anger, frustration, or misunderstanding. I think that’s why repeating “Acceptance is the answer to my problem” and “This is what’s happening” really worked for me in getting me to acceptance.

Acceptance means focusing our thinking on what is happening, being in the present moment, and facing “this is what’s happening.” As they say, “You cannot solve a problem by condemning it,” and I’d been condemning these “problems” thinking they were at fault when the problem was my thinking.

Acceptance doesn’t mean I have to like it. 

I don’t have to like that there’s traffic, and I don’t have to like the way the manufacturers of the toothpaste cap created it. But I also don’t have to fight against what is. I get to stop resisting and stop avoiding and be really present.

I can focus on the world around me or fix myself and deal with “Life on Life’s Terms.” If I resist the situation, I can’t do anything about it. But if I accept it, I can be at peace and present.

There have been many areas (besides traffic!) where acceptance has made a huge difference. One is emotional acceptance. I’ve come to accept that “this is how I’m feeling.” Emotions tend to build on each other, so accepting them rather than resisting them lessens the impact of the difficult emotions. For example, if you feel worried, but then you get angry that you’re worried your difficulty gets multiplied (worry x anger = something much shittier than either of those). But if you feel worried and accept that you’re worried, then you only have the original feeling without adding additional emotion to it. Just feel the worry and let it pass. Emotions are energy, and they will morph and change – this too shall pass

The most important kind of acceptance for me has been self-acceptance. You can’t change something by condemning it. I’m never going to beat myself up into being a sane, rational, functional, mature person. So when I do something I don’t particularly like, I accept that I did that thing instead of fighting it. I try to come to the situation with curiosity instead of condemnation. This allows me to face reality and work toward the kind of life I want – one of peace and serenity.

For more blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Do you know a creative high school student?  The Milton Fisher Scholarship for Innovation and Creativity awards students who have found distinctive solutions to problems faced by their family, school, community, or the world, or who have solved an artistic, scientific, or technical problem in a new or unusual way. 

This is a four-year scholarship of up to $20,000 (up to $5,000 per year for four years).  It is open to high school seniors and college freshmen in Connecticut and the New York Metropolitan area, as well as students from outside the region attending or planning to attend college in Connecticut or the New York City area.  More information and the online application can be found at https://mfscholarship.org/. ; Interested applicants must complete the online application on or before May 15, 2024. 

For more information, please contact mfscholarship@cfgnh.org.

Do you know a college student who wants to share the joy and power of reading with children this summer? We are seeking college-age interns to support our summer 2024 literacy programs and enrichment clubs. For more information or to apply click here. 

Connecticut natives, fans of roadside attractions, and followers of Atlas Obscura have no doubt heard of Waterbury’s Holy Land USA. But not many have as intimate knowledge of the famed location as photographer Joy Bush. Since 1987, Bush has been photographing this folk art treasure, the result of which can be seen in RUINS OF A HOLY LAND, on exhibit at City Gallery from April 5 - April 28, with an Artist Reception Saturday, April 13, 2 p.m. to 5 p.m.

Holy Land USA was constructed under the direction of Waterbury attorney John Greco and dedicated in 1958. The complex had some 200 separate structures inspired by selected passages from the Bible. It officially closed in 1984, and became the property of a Roman Catholic religious order. In 2013, Mayor Neil O’Leary and car dealer Fred “Fritz” Balsius purchased Holy Land, announcing a plan to clean up and revitalize the site as part of a community effort. Today, it is overseen by Holy Land USA - Waterbury, a non-profit organization.

Bush first discovered Holy Land USA in 1977 when she saw the popular cross lit up on Waterbury’s Pine Hill. “It was ten years later that I made my first pilgrimage,” she says. What she discovered was an 18-acre tract of land devoted to a small-scale, homemade reproduction of Bethlehem. “Filled with objects that a folk artist would find irresistible, it was crude, sweet, and strange in ways that make familiar things exotic. At the same time, it had a peculiar and disquieting sense of spirituality that was impossible to dismiss. Holy Land has changed since then, falling into a state of elegant disrepair that only heightens its incongruity. Photographing it is much like embarking on an archeological dig in a place I’ve watched gradually slip away.”

Bush’s evolving collection of these photographs was featured in a solo exhibit at the Mattatuck Museum in Waterbury, and in the book Ruins of a Holy Land: Photographs by Joy Bush. Writing about it in Art New England, Stephen Kobasa said “To the particular melancholy of an abandoned amusement park she has brought the grieving clarity of a war photographer. Her work identifies these manufactured relics as examples of a sentimental history like those 18th-century English garden monuments built to look as if they had crumbled in place….What Bush identifies so well is the way in which the surviving wreckage of the place makes sense; she captures an unconscious intention that all this might well have been meant for a ruin, its power magnified by slow vanishing.” There will be approximately 30 images from Bush’s collection on view at City Gallery, with loose 8x10 prints for sale.

Bush’s photography work was featured in Unbeatable Women at the Lyman Allyn Art Museum (2022), and HOME VIEWS at the Griffin Museum of Photography in Massachusetts. (2021). Her photographs have appeared in The Village Voice, The New York Times, Connecticut Review, and many other publications. She has exhibited in solo and group exhibits, nationally and internationally, including shows at the International Center for Photography (NYC), Mattatuck Museum, Lyman Allyn Art Museum, Copley Society (Boston, MA), Drawing Rooms (NJ), Garrison Art Center (NY), Umbrella Arts (NYC), the Westport Arts Center, and Artspace (New Haven, CT). Bush is represented in the permanent collections of the Mattatuck Museum (Waterbury, CT), Cincinnati Art Museum, Monetfiore Hospital (Bronx, NY), the Baseball Hall of Fame, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Yale Medical Group Art Place, and many private collections. She is a member of City Gallery, and lives and works in the Greater New Haven area.

RUINS OF A HOLY LAND is free and open to the public. It will be on exhibit at City Gallery from April 5 - April 28, with an Artist Reception Saturday, April 13, 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. City Gallery is located at 994 State Street, New Haven, CT 06511. Gallery hours are Friday - Sunday, 12 p.m. - 4 p.m., or by appointment. For further information please contact City Gallery, info@city-gallery.org, www.city-gallery.org.

# # #

Photo Credit: Malcolm Lightbody

What’s interesting to me is that when presented with the same set of circumstances, some people will feel envious whereas others will feel inspired.

For example, when some people hear that I’m in a loving, healthy romantic relationship that started when I was 55 and he was 60, they envy me. Others are inspired by me, especially if they know it’s my first healthy relationship ever.

Another example is in the recovery community when someone has a decade of long-term recovery. Some people envy them, and others are inspired by them.

This intrigues me, and I’ve set out to figure out what the difference is between seeing things like late-in-life healthy romance and long-term recovery as something to be envied vs. something to be inspired by.

I think the main difference is that those who are inspired believe it’s possible for them. Those who are envious do not believe it’s possible for them.

The envy-ers (I just made that word up!) believe there’s something so uniquely special about them that they cannot have what others have. That’s so sad.

So what’s that about?

A huge part of recovery is learning to change our perspectives. There's a lot of thought work involved in recovery because we have beliefs and thoughts about ourselves, other people, the world, and God that are just not true. Recovery (and coaching, btw!) help us unearth those beliefs, challenge them, and change them.

We change them when we realize they’re either not true or they’re just not serving us. That is, you believe that what’s possible for the person you envy is just not possible for you.

This is why perspective is so important. It’s so important that it permeates the way we do science. The reason we have double-blind scientific studies is that the perspective of the scientist affects the results of the experiments.

There’s also a theory by Thomas Kuhn that it’s almost always people who are new to a scientific field who come up with major discoveries. That’s because the people who've been in the field for a long time dismiss the evidence as not relevant or impossible. After all, they've been so immersed in the thinking of the field for so long. That means they can’t see what they can’t see. They’re unable to see things that are patently evident to people who are new to the field.

In other words, the more seasoned scientists have been believing things for so long that facts don’t matter to them.

That’s what was going on with me when I got into recovery. I believed things about myself and the world that were just not true. I have no doubt that there are things you believe that are just not true. The trick is to discover those things. So if you’re envious of something positive someone else has that you don’t, perhaps it's because, deep down, you don’t believe you can have it.

There's a saying by Henry Ford, and it's this:

“Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right.”

What that means is if you think you can't do something, you're not even going to try to do that thing. So you’re right, you can’t.

But if you think you can do something, then nobody can stop you. You’ll just keep trying different things until you accomplish what you set out to. And you’ll be right – you can do the thing.

This idea that we need to change our perspective is super important because we can't move forward toward the life we desire if we are not open to the idea that our perspective might be wrong.

If we keep thinking, “I can’t have what she has,” you’ll make yourself right by not taking any action to change things (like your beliefs, which guide your behaviors, which lead to your results, which confirm your beliefs). But if you’re open to the possibility that you COULD have what she has, then the possibilities are endless!

We have to be open-minded to the idea that there is something that we don't know, there’s something we haven't tried or some belief we have that’s holding us back.

When we envy someone instead of being inspired by them, the belief is likely that we think we can’t have what they have. It’s not possible for us. Whether it has to do with recovery or finally finding a deep, meaningful relationship, this is a false belief. It’s just not true.

Let's take a look at my particular situation. Until I got into recovery, I had a decades-long string of dysfunctional relationships behind me. Recovery helped me look at that and see that I had 28 different relationships. These included brief dating relationships all the way to people I lived with for years, one of whom I was engaged to. Yet it wasn't until my 29th relationship at the age of 55 that I finally got into a healthy fulfilling relationship.

Yet there are people who envy me because of my relationship as if they can’t have what I have. That belief cannot be based on the idea that there's something special about me if you look at the facts. We typically say, “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior,” so by that logic, the chances of me ever being in a healthy relationship are practically nil. Yet here I am, in a 5+ year loving, healthy relationship.

I’ve demonstrated very clearly that before recovery, I did not know how to have a healthy relationship. For decades!

The fact that I’m in one now shows that change is possible. And that includes changing your mind about what is possible.

There was much recovery that enabled me to change my deeply entrenched patterns of behavior so I could attract and maintain a healthy relationship. Building healthy boundaries has the biggest effect since boundaries permeate every area of your life (including what you think!). One of the things that attracted me most to my sweetheart was his healthy boundaries. He knows who he is, what’s okay with him, and what’s not. It’s a lot easier to be in a relationship with someone like that!

I guess what I’m saying here is that if I’ve changed, you can too. But it starts with believing it’s possible.

Now let's take a look at the people who hear about my relationship and see it as an inspiration, especially if they’re significantly younger than me. They may take the wisdom I share and think, “OK, I can do this. If I make the changes Barb suggests, then I too might be able to have a healthy romantic relationship.”

It is possible for you, dear reader.

Whether you think you can or you can’t, you're right!

For more blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Photo Credit: Getty Images

So many of us try to step in and prevent or buffer those we love from experiencing the negative effects of their negative behaviors. If you do this once in a while, that’s fine. But if it’s a pattern, it’s unhealthy. Not only does it make it much more difficult for you, but it prevents the other person from reaping the actual effects of their own negative behavior. They are highly unlikely to change their negative patterns if you keep jumping in and blocking them from the negative effects of their negative patterns. You’re blocking them from the natural consequences of their behavior.

Natural consequences are the inevitable result of a person's actions. That person created the result because of the actions they took. Natural consequences can be positive or negative. Most of us only leap in to prevent the negative ones though. Here are a couple of examples of both positive and negative natural consequences.

Positive: study for the exam, get a better grade

Negative: do not study for the exam, get a lower grade

Positive: arrive on time to work daily, get a good evaluation

Negative: arrive late for work regularly, get a poor evaluation

It’s often the loved ones of addicts who step in to prevent the addict from reaping the natural consequences of their negative behavior. If someone gets drunk and can’t get out of bed in the morning, their loved one might call their work to say they’re sick and clean up the mess they made the night before. The natural consequences of not getting out of bed or cleaning up after oneself would be that they get in trouble at work (or possibly fired) and they have to clean up their own mess. Those are their consequences, not yours. When we don’t allow them to feel the negative effects of their negative behavior, it’s less likely that they’ll change.

This behavior doesn’t just relate to addiction though. If a child waits until the last possible moment to work on a school project, a parent might leap in to rescue them by staying up all night helping them. The natural consequence of waiting until the last minute is that the child either doesn’t finish their project in time or does a really poor job. Those are the child’s consequences, not the parent’s. If the child knows their parent will always rescue them at the last minute, they have no impetus to work on their projects earlier.

Allowing natural consequences to occur does not mean we shame people for their negative behavior. It does mean letting them feel the discomfort of their own choices. Shaming people is never good. It’s not only cruel, it’s ineffective. Shame is one of the most difficult emotions for humans, so when you shame someone, they’re more likely to be defensive about their choice. It’s hard to learn when you’re feeling defensive and shameful. We want people to learn from the consequences of their behavior, and we’re not “ripe” for learning when defensive and shameful. 

When you don’t intervene between the negative behavior and the (natural) negative consequence, you help the person make the connection between their behavior, choices, and consequences. When no one intervenes, they reap the natural consequences of their own behavior. This gives them the opportunity to take control of their own lives. Just because you give somebody an opportunity, it doesn't mean they're going to take it! But if you never give them an opportunity, they won’t learn from their own mistakes.

It could be that they’ll blame you or someone else rather than take control over their life. But they’re definitely NOT going to take control when they’re living on an easy street without consequences for their behavior.

When you step out of the situation, you’re establishing healthy boundaries for yourself and you step out of enabling behavior. Enabling someone’s behavior is when we fix, solve, or make the consequences of their behavior go away. We enable them to continue in their dysfunction by making their lives easier for them because they don’t have to deal with any of the wreckage they’re creating. It takes away the teaching power of life experience. There's no downside to the person’s negative behavior when we enable them.

When we don’t enable people, their negative consequences are felt. These could be failing grades, missed social events, cold suppers, or puke-stained clothes. These can be powerful motivators for change.

When you buffer or protect people, you soften the outcomes or filter the results of their actions. You become the problem in their mind because they don't see or feel the results of their behavior. They see you nagging, bargaining, complaining, etc. They come to see your rescuing and fixing behaviors as something you owe them, not something you’ve gifted them. So YOU and your complaining become the negative consequences, and they think you’re the problem.

When they don't face consequences, there's no reason to change – and - you don't get peace. When you enable people, your interference can lead to the behavior you’re trying to reduce. So ask yourself if you’re supporting healthy or unhealthy behavior.

Natural consequences are doubly powerful when combined with positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement means things like praise for something well done. When we use both positive reinforcement and allow natural consequences, the person sees the connection between their behavior and the result. In other words, they get that they have an impact on their life and the world and that they matter. They learn from their mistakes.

For more blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Early Head Start Director

We Love What Makes You Unique

Your perspective fuels our mission-driven work at United Way of Greater New Haven. We are committed to building a team that is inclusive across race, gender, age, religion, identity, and lived experience. As an organization, we are committed to addressing systemic racism and injustice in our community, our partnerships, and our practices. 

Who We Are Looking For

Are you committed to supporting infants and toddlers, their families, and the programs that serve them? Do you have deep knowledge of Early Head Start and/or Head Start requirements, and want to help community partners successfully incorporate Early Head Start services and systems into their early care and education programs? Do you have leadership and relationship-building skills and experience with connecting programs and services so they work more effectively?  Do you have a strong track record of working with the programmatic, financial, and data-related aspects of federal programs? If so, our Early Head Director position may be perfect for you.

What You Are Great At

• You are a strong Early Head Start/Head Start (EHS/HS) professional who has led a team. You are deeply familiar with the EHS/HS regulations and performance standards. You have experience supervising and supporting other staff to implement the various components of EHS/HS, and know how to monitor and support programs to ensure program quality.
• You are a detail-oriented planner who creates and thrives within systems. You relish creating and working to improve processes and systems and have experience in developing and running initiatives and programs related to early childhood. You know how to manage the details and logistics, while at the same time seeing how things connect to create a bigger whole.
• You are a strong communicator. You can convey your message clearly in writing and orally to a variety of audiences, including board members, partner staff, and parents.
• You’re a team player. The Early Head Director will report to the Vice President of Education and will work closely with other members of the Community Impact Team as well as external partners. While you are confident in your abilities and knowledge, you approach your work from a place of humility.

What You Will Do

• Ensure that Head Start Performance Standards are well‐known and supported and implemented across the program partners.
• Support and monitor EHS partners to ensure compliance with all Head Start and Early Head Start mandates, applicable laws, and regulations and assure that standards are being fully met.
• Conduct on-site visits to programs and plan and facilitate regular meetings with partners.
• Review documentation and data, including working within the program’s online database work closely with the VP of Education to staff the UWGNH EHS Board Committee.
• Supervise EHS staff and consultants.
• Manage all aspects of the EHS Policy Council, and Meet with the finance staff on a regular basis to review and revise the budget as necessary in addition to monitoring the budget as it relates to actual spending of Early Head Start funds.
• Work with local partners to expand services and supports available to EHS families
• Lead an annual self-assessment process for the program and develop annual plans for improvement; ensure that a community needs assessment is conducted as required.
• Recommend and implement changes as needed in program design, administration procedures, etc. as they affect program performance.
• Prepare and submit for approval necessary programmatic reports, forms, etc. as required by Federal, state, and local regulations.
• Establish and maintain partnerships with funding sources, other state and local agencies, organizations, groups, etc. as they relate to programmatic activities.
• Plan and coordinate shared governance training for Policy Council and Board of Directors as required.
• Plan, coordinate, develop, and implement annual refunding application.

What You Need

• Minimum of a Bachelor’s degree in early childhood development or other relevant field.
• Three to five years’ experience as a Head Start/Early Head Start Director of a small program, or significant senior management experience within a large Head Start/Early Head Start program.
• Substantive knowledge about the early childhood landscape in Connecticut and Early Head Start/Head Start.
• Strong written and oral communication skills.
• A successful track record in setting priorities, and keen analytical, organizational, and problem-solving skills which support and enable sound decision making.
• Excellent relationship building skills with an ability to prioritize, negotiate, and work with a variety of internal and external stakeholders.
• Experience working with government grants a plus.
• Experience in grant writing and managing budgets.
• Proficient with MS Office365 and demonstrated comfort in learning new software/ online tools as needed.
• Ability to work with diverse staff and volunteers.
• Personal qualities of integrity, credibility, and dedication to the mission of UWGNH. 
• Valid driver's license and reliable transportation required.

About United Way

United Way of Greater New Haven brings people and organizations together to create solutions to Greater New Haven’s most pressing challenges in the areas of Education, Health, and Financial Stability grounded in racial and social justice. We tackle issues that cannot be solved by any one group working alone. We operate according to these organizational values.

In accordance with organizational policies, this position requires a criminal background check as a condition of employment.

United Way staff are currently working hybrid, with at least two days per week in our office in New Haven.  This is a full-time position; the salary range for this position is $85,000 - $90,000.

United Way is an Equal Opportunity Employer.

Don’t check off every box in the requirements listed above? Please apply anyway! Studies have shown that marginalized communities - such as women, LGBTQ+ and people of color - are less likely to apply to jobs unless they meet every single qualification. United Way of Greater New Haven is dedicated to building an inclusive, diverse, equitable, and accessible workplace that fosters a sense of belonging – so if you’re excited about this role but your past experience doesn’t align perfectly with every qualification in the job description, we encourage you to still consider submitting an application. You may be just the right candidate for this role or another one of our openings!

To Apply: Careers | United Way of Greater New Haven (uwgnh.org)

dae is currently accepting applications for our 6-Week Tech Creators Program! This program is open and cost-free to 9-12th graders who attend New Haven Public Schools. In the program students get hands on experience working on Web Development, Video Game Design and Internet-of-Things. They come away with completed projects that can easily be shared with college admissions offices and potential employers.

Our first session just started but students are still welcome to join! It will run until April 11th. Our second session will run from April 23rd until May 30th. We meet Tuesday-Thursday from 3:00-6:30pm. We are conveniently located at 770 Chapel Street in downtown New Haven (two blocks from the Green and central bus hub).

Students can apply here: mydae.co/6week

Flyer for the program is here:

6-Week%20Flyer_v3.pdf

Photo Credit: Ephraim Mayrena

If you’ve been giving advice to somebody over and over and over again and they never take it, this essay is for you. We do this in an effort to fix, rescue, and protect other people.

I was once told when I did this that I was “being helpful to be controlling.” I was aghast! I thought, “I’m just trying to help!”

If you find yourself saying that, it’s a clue that you also might be being helpful to be controlling. That is, you want things to be done your way. You’re “helping” so that things will go your way.

Stop it!

Here's an example of what it looks like when I’m being helpful to be controlling. I was in a group of people who needed access to a building that shifted from having door codes to keys. I volunteered to be the liaison between the building owners and the group. It was brought to my attention by one of the group members that they didn't ask for my help with the building folks.

They said I was being helpful to be controlling.

At first, I was pissed that they said that, but as I thought about it, I realized that it was true. I wanted a few things to go my way: I wanted my group to appear organized to the building owners, and I wanted to make sure my group was doing things “the right way” (i.e., Barb’s way).

I wanted them to pick up all the keys at once because I was trying to save the building people the trouble of having to interface with all those different people from my group. Meanwhile, they never asked for that. It wasn’t my place to “protect” them from having to deal with all those different parties.

One way I try to keep an eye on this behavior is by asking myself “Was I helpful to be controlling today?” in my nightly inventory. It’s very difficult for me to control this behavior of mine, but keeping it on my inventory makes it more likely that I’ll spot it. 

I’ve had decades of acting like it’s my job to be the bumper on the car of someone’s life.

You don’t have to do that. You can put the energy you’ve been putting into fixing, rescuing, saving, and protecting others into your own life. Instead of focusing on what's going on in others’ lives, you can learn to keep the focus on yourself.

As the serenity prayer says, we need “the wisdom to know the difference between what we can and cannot change.” You can't change other people, but you can change yourself. If you’re too busy working on everybody else, you won’t have any energy to change yourself!

Ironically, that’s one of the reasons we do all fixing and rescuing - to keep the focus off ourselves! That way, we don’t have to look at our own problems. There are other reasons as well. We feel like we have to help others, it doesn’t feel like a choice. That’s called a compulsion. We’ve internalized the message good people help others. And that’s true, but they don't rescue and save other people. There’s a difference between being helpful and rescuing. A good indicator of being the difference is that when you’re being just plain helpful, the other person is meeting you halfway, and you're less invested in the outcome than they are. 

One way to determine if you’re being helpful vs. rescuing someone is to ask “What are my motives?” Why are you helping them?

One of the ways I was helpful to be controlling was by trying to control what others thought of me. I wanted them to like me, think good things about me, and think I was nice. But I now know it’s not up to me what others think of me.

We’ve been told that it’s selfish to take care of ourselves. B.S.! If you want to have a well-lived life, you must take care of yourself. Stop trying to pour from an empty cup. Pour from the overflow. And the only way to have overflow is if you fill your cup first. That’s not selfish, it’s selfless. Because you’ll no longer be seeking to get your needs met by the world when you’ve met them yourself. You won’t be trying to extract love and affirmation from others when you give it to yourself.

For more blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

OPEN POSITION 

VOLUNTEER ADMINISTRATOR

Full-time; Sunday - Thursday.  Open until filled. 

Downtown Evening Soup Kitchen (DESK) seeks a friendly, dedicated, and outgoing community organizer to oversee DESK’s 2,000+ volunteer corps, consisting of a range of individuals and groups from across Greater New Haven and beyond.  Appropriate candidates will be very social, highly organized, upbeat and energetic, extremely professional, and sensitive to the strains of homelessness and poverty; the successful candidate will also be versed in a variety of communication media (online, oral, witten) and will be very approachable, completely at ease working among a cross-section of New Haven’s community.  Preference given to local residents and those who are Spanish-proficient.

Mission & Background Information

DESK serves people experiencing homelessness or living in poverty by providing food assistance and services that promote health, community, and equity.  We are located in Downtown New Haven, just off the Green, where we serve a nightly dinner, offer whole food items through a weekly food pantry, and serve unhoused individuals through New Haven’s only low-barrier Downtown Drop-in & Resource Center.  As DESK continues to build a diverse and inclusive organization, we eagerly consider candidates with diverse work experiences and personal backgrounds.  Candidates are encouraged to use the cover letter to highlight how their background will contribute to a more equitable workplace.  For more information on our programs, history, and vision, visit us online at deskct.org.

Core Responsibilities

• Community Organizing  –  The Volunteer Administrator is, at heart, a community organizer, coordinating and scheduling the activities of DESK’s volunteers, including their onsite work and third-party support efforts.
• Outreach & Recruitment  – The Volunteer Administrator conducts outreach and recruitment efforts.
• Logistics Administration – The Volunteer Administrator uses our web-based volunteer management system to schedule volunteer activities, coordinate volunteers, register volunteers, track their hours, and communicate. 
• Onboarding  – The Volunteer Administrator orients volunteers ahead of their first shift and works with program staff to develop onboarding materials and engagement.
• Onsite Coordination  –  Although most onsite coordination is carried out by Program staff, the Volunteer Administrator ensures that they are effectively managed, treated courteously and appropriately, are working in a safe and healthy environment, and receive the proper level of supervision.
• Appreciation – The Volunteer Administrator works with the Development Director and other staff to carry out volunteer appreciation activities and events.
• Client Competency – The Volunteer Administrator works with Program staff to engender a greater sense of empathy and understanding toward the issues faced by those DESK serves on behalf of every volunteer.

Compensation

Starting hourly rate will be $19.57 - $22.32, based on experience, background, and start-date.  Health insurance, life insurance, and generous PTO.

How to Apply

Candidates should email a cover letter and résumé to hr@deskct.org with “Volunteer Administrator Application” in the subject line.  

DESK is an equal opportunity employer who affirms and values greatly the role of diversity in the workplace and strongly encourages applications from people of all backgrounds and lifestyles.

Climate change is harming people in the United States and around the world. While climate change harms people from all walks of life, those who have done the least to cause climate change often suffer the most, while those who have emitted the most carbon pollution often suffer the least. Climate change also exacerbates existing vulnerabilities, including those based on personal factors (such as age or existing health issues) and social factors (such as systemic racism and poverty). Moreover, investments in climate change solutions, such as flood protection or renewable energy, often tend to benefit people and communities who are already advantaged...

https://climatecommunication.yale.edu/publications/who-supports-climate-justice-in-the-u-s/

Activist Art by ARTivists is 'justice' work. It gives voice to the silenced, or marginalized, to better understand our collective humanity and the earth we share. Its public presence provides an opportunity for conversation and compassionate change. Few artists claim this space beyond the protest signs and posters. For them and their work, we offer our brave, safe creative space in Nelson's honor.

Nelson 'Carty' Ford Memorial Gallery, to be dedicated on April 30^th, is an integrated gallery in the gathering spaces and walkways of WPAA-TV and Community Media Center. Nelson served on the Board of Directors from 2015-17. Subsequently, he served as the arts ambassador. His fine art series 'Bricks in Search of Words' graced our space until his passing in Dec 2023, said Artistic Director Josiah Houston. He influenced the use of public art to solve problems. The organization’s journey into #MoreThanTV began as a #PowerfulWildFree4Arts Project a.k.a. tiger mural to resolve a blight problem on the north side of their renovated 1924 cow barn. The tiger now called Hercules was a literal stretch for Ryan Christenson #Arcy who is now an internationally renowned muralist.

Nelson supported the permanent installation of #StreetshotZ by photographer Charles Buzinsky. This remains the featured installation of photographs, a book, and a digital display which actively engages viewers to support programs for their housing and food insecure neighbors.

Flipped from the 1960s Civil Rights headlines "We Are Not Like You" series by Brother Iyaba Ibo Mandingo will provoke necessary discussion of our shared 'differently' history. It was acquired this month. Source materials will be part of the installation.

The sculpture 'Conversation' by Ann Lehman, ' Mission in Mosaic' by Gallery53 artists, Wally political cartoons by Kevin Markowski are in the collection. Musicians may appreciate the reflective take on Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On” Album Cover on loan from photographer and music man Robert Sims.

More about Carty: A 1963 graduate of Paier Art School he held day jobs as a graphic designer and pursued fine arts and his interest in history. His fine art was exhibited from 1991 until his passing. He began his major work The Awakening in a scroll 2 ft. by more than 500 ft. It explored the evolution of One Race with many faces, colors, cultures, and nations.