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Photo Credit: Alex Shadowz
This past week I had one of those moments where I realized how much my relationship with my own mind has changed.
I was thinking about something coming up and noticed myself starting to go down a familiar (negative) path. You know the one… Thinking through all the possible scenarios, trying to predict what might happen - what someone might say, how I might respond. It wasn’t even particularly dramatic, but I could feel the shift in my body. It felt tighter, I felt a sense of urgency and a pull to “figure it out.”
And then I caught it. Not in a harsh way. Just a simple, “oh… this is a story, not a prediction of the future.”
That one moment changed everything. Because instead of continuing down that path of living into the wreckage of the future (and jacking up my nervous system), I paused and came back to reality.
I never used to be able to do that. I didn’t even know it was an option!
When Your Thoughts Feel Like Facts
Have you ever caught yourself thinking something like:
- They’re upset with me… I must’ve done something wrong
- This is never gonna work out
- She’s gonna think I’m a bad person
- Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it
And then, without even realizing it, your mood shifts, your body tightens, and your nervous system start reacting as if that thought is true.
That’s not just overthinking. It’s you believing a story your mind is telling you. And most of the time, you don’t even realize you’re doing it. Stories are not predictions of the future. They’re stories.
Opinion Columnist
The summit between President Trump and President Xi Jinping in Beijing next week could be the most significant encounter between American and Chinese leaders since Richard Nixon met Mao Zedong in Beijing in 1972.
That summit eased decades of Sino-American animosity and forged a tacit alliance between the United States and China against the Soviet Union. This summit comes at a similar transformational moment in world affairs, when there is a new shared threat to both China and America. It is a metastasizing disorder that could destabilize the world and harm both countries unless they figure out a way to simultaneously compete and collaborate against a growing list of challenges. These challenges can be successfully confronted only by their collective action — starting with the United States and China together creating guardrails against the malign uses of A.I., now that the latest models have demonstrated staggeringly powerful cyberattack capabilities.
Interested in affordable housing and community development? Looking to be more involved in your community?
LISC Connecticut's Housing and Community Development Leadership Institute (HCDLI) is looking for individuals to join the program in Bridgeport this May! The HCDLI is a free professional development program aiming to build a pipeline of emerging and seasoned leaders within the affordable housing and community development sector. Starting May 5, the HCDLI will convene a cohort in Bridgeport for an intensive 8-week program focused on helping participants build a foundation in the sector through core content trainings, advanced professional development opportunities, and networking.
There's still time to join the Bridgeport cohort and we'd love to have you! Submit an application before Friday, May 1. Learn more here!
If you’ve ever thought:
- Why do I keep saying yes when I really want to say no?
- Why do I know what to do but can’t seem to follow through?
- Why do I keep ending up exhausted, resentful, or overwhelmed?
There’s a good chance you’re dealing with something most people never name directly.
Self-abandonment.
I don’t say that lightly. It’s strong language, and I use it on purpose because softer language can sometimes let us off the hook because we think “it’s not that bad.” When we say things like “I’m not following through” or “I need more discipline,” we miss what’s actually happening.
We’re leaving ourselves. Abandoning what we know we want or is in our best interest.
As food justice leaders experience attacks on their work, they need spaces that allow them to show up as their whole selves. They need reserves of resilience to tap into through difficult times. We need to put joy and connection at the heart of our work to build new systems rooted in justice and liberation.
We must meet this food crisis together, and for that we need leadership from the nonprofit, philanthropic, government and private sectors. The Seeding Power Fellowship is designed to reduce isolation, practice communication and collaboration, and deepen relationships. It provides not only leadership development, but critical movement infrastructure to build a responsive strategy and create a just food system.
Community Food Funders is currently accepting applciations for the 4th cohort of Seeding Power. The application deadline is April 30, 2026. We invite applications from movement leaders and philanthropic partners (funders) in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut.
Please check out our website to decide if this opportunity is right for you!
Featuring work by Amy Arledge
With work that is multifaceted in both theme and construction, artist Amy Arledge returns to City Gallery in ECLECTIC, an exhibit of encaustic and assemblage works. The show will be on view from May 1 - May 31, with an Opening Reception on Saturday, May 2 at 2-4 p.m.
“Nature is an endless source of fascination and inspiration for me,” says Arledge. “It is a common thread in all of my work, whether through actual depiction or in abstract shapes and colors.”
Arledge’s primary medium is encaustic — a combination of purified beeswax and damar, a tree resin that adds durability to the beeswax. The word encaustic is derived from the Greek enkaustikos which means to burn in. Encaustic was used in Ancient Greece and Egypt both as an artistic medium and a building tool. “I’ve painted with encaustic for several years depicting landscapes, seascapes and the non-objective,” explains Arledge.
Her assemblages originate from found objects, often wood, which resemble something in addition to what they actually are. She adds color, additional items, and sometimes wax to accentuate what she sees and give them personalities.
Arledge’s work has been included in numerous solo and group shows including Artspace (New Haven), ARTview (Washington, D.C), City Lights Gallery (Bridgeport), Creative Arts Workshop (New Haven), John Slade Ely House (New Haven), Kobalt Gallery (Provincetown, MA), Lemon Street Gallery (Kenosha, WI), New Haven Paint and Clay Club Annual Juried Exhibition), Periodic Table of Elements Printmaking Project (Concord, MA), River Street Gallery, New Haven CT), Slater Museum (Norwich), The Institute Library (New Haven), Whitney Center Art Gallery (Hamden), and Yale Medical Library (New Haven). Visit her website for more information, amyarledge.com.
The exhibit ECLECTIC and the opening reception are free and open to the public. City Gallery is located at 994 State Street, New Haven, CT 06511. Gallery hours are Friday - Sunday, 12 p.m. - 4 p.m., or by appointment. For further information please contact City Gallery, info@city-gallery.org, www.city-gallery.org.
Dear Community Members,
This spring marks an exciting and meaningful milestone for Friends Center for Children, the upcoming opening of our newest location at First Haven in Dixwell, in partnership with ConnCORP. As we grow, we do so with intention: creating nurturing, high-quality early learning environments where young children and their families can thrive, and where educators are supported, valued, and empowered.
We are preparing to open our doors in Dixwell on June 15th, and we are currently accepting applications for enrollment. Our new site will include six infant/toddler spaces and one preschool classroom, designed to provide a warm, developmentally rich environment for early learning and growth.
We invite families in the Dixwell community and surrounding neighborhoods to learn more about these new openings and to share this opportunity widely. Flyers with application information are included below. Together, we can ensure that families who may benefit most from these early childhood education opportunities are informed and able to apply.
Your partnership helps make it possible to expand access to high-quality early childhood education where it is needed most.
With gratitude,
Friends Center for Children
The Moment Everything Changes
Two years ago, I coached a woman on the podcast who was overwhelmed by her living situation. She was doing all the work, her roommates weren’t contributing, and nothing changed despite repeated conversations.
When we got off the call, I didn’t think I got through to her. She messaged a few months later that she’d moved out. As a result of our call, she finally realized, “I can’t change them, but I can change me.”
It wasn’t after another conversation, or trying harder or explaining herself better. She made a decision, then followed through on that decision.
That’s what healthy boundaries look like.
They’re not about getting other people to change. They’re about deciding how you’re going to live and then living that way. And yes, it feels scary and awkward. She said it felt “scary in a good way,” which is often exactly how it feels when you start taking your life back.
One of the most impactful and effective types of boundaries you can use to take your life back are digital boundaries.
Why Digital Boundaries Are Essential for Time, Energy, and Focus
Most people think boundaries are about saying no to others, but the deeper work is about reclaiming your time and energy. Your time is finite. Your energy is limited. And without clear digital boundaries, both can get drained when you’re constantly being interrupted.
Your phone, notifications, email, and social media are designed to grab your attention. Without boundaries, you end up living reactively: responding to texts, alerts, and demands instead of choosing how you spend your time.
Read the rest at your own pace here.
Photo Credit: Ivana Cajina
I realized something recently that feels both simple and profound.
I don’t feel like I have to hide anymore.
For most of my life, I did, but I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing. It wasn’t in obvious ways. It’s not like I was disappearing from the world. It was by carefully managing what people saw.
The Many Ways We Hide
One of the ways I hid was by isolating. Another was by lying. Not the dramatic kind of lying where you invent stories or deceive people about big things. My main form of lying looked much more socially acceptable - it was through people pleasing. I would say I was happy to do things for (or with) other people that I really didn’t want to do.
“Sure, that sounds great.”
“I’d be happy to help.”
“No, I don’t mind at all.”
Meanwhile, inside, I felt completely different. I didn’t want to do it. I was resentful, exhausted, and overwhelmed. But I didn’t want anyone to see that. So I hid by lying.
Secrets Are What We Use When We Don’t Have Boundaries
Recently, I came across something in an old recovery journal of mine that explained this perfectly. It said:
“If we have no boundaries in our families, we tell lies so we can have privacy. Secrets stand in for boundaries.” I don’t know where I heard or read that, but it really struck me because it perfectly described my life before recovery. I didn’t have boundaries, so I created secrecy.
I didn’t tell people what I really thought, didn’t say when I didn’t want to do something and I didn’t admit when I made a mistake.
Instead, I hid.
But once I started developing boundaries, something changed. I didn’t feel the need to hide anymore.
Learning to Be Human in Public
One of the biggest shifts in my life was realizing I didn’t have to hide the fact that I’m flawed, and I didn’t need to present like I have it together 24/7 under all circumstances. That might sound obvious. But for years, I carried around a subconscious belief that I wasn’t supposed to have any flaws, and if I had them, I Goddamn well better hide them!
Somewhere along the way, I absorbed the idea that I was just not supposed to have flaws. And if people discovered that I had them, they’d reject me.
So I hid the evidence.
I covered my mistakes, pretended things were fine, and I tried to manage my image. But recovery changed that. Today, when I make a mistake, I can simply say:
“Oops!”
And surprisingly, the world doesn’t end. I don’t collapse into a flood of shame. In fact, I typically smile and have a sense of relief, knowing that I get to be flawed in public. And other people don’t hate or ridicule me.
Repair Instead of Hiding
One of the greatest gifts recovery gave me was learning what to do when I mess up. Before, mistakes felt like catastrophes. Now, they feel manageable. If I make a mistake, I own it. If I hurt someone, I apologize. Then I change my behavior. That’s it. No more raking myself over the coals because “I shouldn’t have done that” or “I should have known better.”
When you know how to repair things, you don’t have to hide from them anymore. You don’t have to pretend you’re perfect. You can just be human.
Boundaries Make Honesty Possible
Another reason I don’t feel like I have to hide anymore is that I’ve learned to communicate directly. If I want something, I ask, and I don’t feel like shit about it. If I need something, I say so. If I don’t want to do something, I’m honest about that too, instead of hoping people will magically figure it out (or manipulating situations so I can get what I want without saying it out loud).
Boundaries make honesty possible. Without boundaries, honesty can feel dangerous. With boundaries, honesty becomes normal.
The Unexpected Bonus
Wedaeli Chibelushiand and Thomas Naadi,BBC Africa, Accra
Getty Images A black and white sketch of three slaves being restrained.
Around 12-15 million Africans were captured during the slave trade
The United Nations General Assembly has voted to recognise the enslavement of Africans during the transatlantic slave trade as "the gravest crime against humanity", a move advocates hope will pave the way for healing and justice.
The resolution - proposed by Ghana - called for this designation, while also urging UN member states to consider apologising for the slave trade and contributing to a reparations fund. It does not mention a specific amount of money.
The proposal was adopted with 123 votes in favour and three against - the United States, Israel and Argentina.
Fifty-two countries abstained, including the United Kingdom and European Union member states.
Countries like the UK have long rejected calls to pay reparations, saying today's institutions cannot be held responsible for past wrongs.
Unlike UN Security Council resolutions, those from the General Assembly are not legally binding, though they carry the weight of global opinion.
"Let it be recorded that when history beckoned, we did what was right for the memory of the millions who suffered the indignity of the slave trade and those who continue to suffer racial discrimination," Ghana's President John Mahama told the assembly ahead of the vote.
''The adoption of this resolution serves as a safeguard against forgetting. It also challenges the enduring scars of slavery,'' he said...
There’s a simple practice that has helped me maintain my boundaries more than almost anything else I’ve done.
It’s not complicated, doesn’t take long, and you can start doing it tonight. If you’re in 12-step recovery, you’re probably familiar with it: it’s called a nightly inventory.
I’ve been doing some version of this practice for years now. But over time, my understanding of why it works has evolved. Today, I see it as one of the most powerful internal boundary practices there is.
How This Practice Started
Every night, I write at least ten things I’m grateful for. In the past few months, I’ve started writing a few things in the morning to start my day, then I add to that list at night. I started this practice in July of 2000, originally writing five things each night. That small habit completely transformed my life.
Years later, when I came into recovery and learned about the idea of a nightly inventory, it fit perfectly with what I was already doing. I simply added it to my evening routine. Truth be told, I don’t do this every night now, but anywhere from 5-7 nights per week.
I remember reading something in my twenties that made this whole idea seem ridiculous. In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie talked about doing a weekly inventory of his behavior. On Saturday nights, he’d reflect on the week and ask himself how he could have done things better.
I thought, “Are you fucking kidding me??! Who would do that?” Fast forward 30+, and here I am doing something even more consistent.
The Basement Metaphor
Here’s the image that helps me understand what a nightly inventory really does. When I first worked the 12 steps, it was like I went down into the deep, dark, dank basement of my life. There was junk and debris everywhere: old resentments, defects of character, unexamined patterns, emotional wreckage.
Doing the 12 steps was like cleaning the entire basement out. First, I cleared out the junk, then I sandblasted the walls, then I painted, carpeted, and furnished the place. Then I redecorated.
By the time I was done, the basement had become a beautiful space where I could relax. A place I wanted to invite people into and that I could actually enjoy. My nightly inventory is like sweeping the floor every night, so the junk never piles up again.
Where Internal Boundaries Come In
Featuring work by Catherine Lavoie
In THREADS: STORIES IN FIBER, artist Catherine Lavoie explores topics related to recovery from trauma, family roots, natures beauty, Buddhist wisdom, and a bit of whimsy. The exhibit will be on view from April 3 - April 26, with an Opening Reception and Artist Talk on Saturday, April 11 at 3 p.m. Mirroring the theme of stories, Jen Payne will present a Poetry Reading from her memoir Sleeping with Ghosts on Sunday, April 19 at 1 p.m.
The exhibit THREADS: STORIES IN FIBER includes work in assemblage, installation art, mixed media, photography, soft sculpture, and modern wall quilts. The art incorporates repurposed materials ranging from discarded wedding dresses and vintage doilies to high-tech power cords and plastic shopping bags. “The surprise of recognizing these everyday items in an artistic context is a key component of my work,” Lavoie explains.
“The pieces are designed to tell stories in new and reassembled ways, and to spark curiosity and initiate different ways of thinking.” One of the most meaningful stories in the show is about Helen Rita Pasternak Lavoie, Lavoie‘s mother, who would’ve been 100 years old in April 2026 and to whom this show is dedicated.”
Lavoie, a fiber artist based in Connecticut, merges traditional quilting techniques with innovative, contemporary materials to produce thought provoking artwork. Her art background includes photography, traditional quilting and mixed media. Her career as a psychotherapist informs her interest in human stories, Natures gifts, and Buddhist thought. She is a member of City Gallery, and the Kent Art Association in Kent, Connecticut.
Writer Jen Payne is inspired by the stories that move us most — love and loss, joy and disappointment, milestones and turning points. When she is not exploring our connections with one another, she enjoys contemplating our relationships with nature, creativity, and spirituality. Ultimately, she believes it is the alchemy of those things that helps us find balance in this frenetic, spinning world. Her work has appeared in numerous publications including the 2024 Connecticut Literary Anthology, Sunspot Literary Journal, Anti-Heroin Chic, and The Perch (Yale). She has published five books, the most recent of which is Sleeping with Ghosts offering an intimate exploration of love, memory, and meaning.
The exhibit THREADS: STORIES IN FIBER, the opening reception and the poetry reading are free and open to the public. City Gallery is located at 994 State Street, New Haven, CT 06511. Gallery hours are Friday - Sunday, 12 p.m. - 4 p.m., or by appointment. For further information please contact City Gallery, info@city-gallery.org, www.city-gallery.org.
DIXWELL FARMERS MARKET SALES ASSOCIATE
Seasonal Part-Time position, 5 hours weekly on Saturdays, May through November 2026
The Farmers Market Sales Associate supports a vibrant marketplace and community gathering place through building positive relationships with vendors, customers, and community partners. Skilled in customer service and team-minded,the t Sales Associate contributes creativity, organization, and collaboration to the team, and brings a lens of racial equity and economic opportunity to the work. This position reports to the Dixwell Market Manager.
RESPONSIBILITIES
The Dixwell Farmers Market Sales Associate works with the Director of Agriculture and Farmers Market Manager to assist the farmers market program, including: program management and implementation, vendor engagement and communications, nutrition incentive program implementation, partnerships, and customer engagement.
- Implement on-site Farmers Market programming, including: market set-up/tear-town processes, market layouts and stall assignments, equipment transportation and maintenance, management of market hours of operation, and other market logistics
- Execute produce, meat, and dairy sales utilizing sales software and produce scale
- Provide excellent customer service to farmers market attendees and customers, ensuring they have a positive and inclusive experience
- Ensure compliance with city, state, and CitySeed regulations, policies, and guidelines
- Process nutrition program transactions at the market, including Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) and CT Farmers Market Nutrition Program (FMNP)
- Support reporting on market conditions, gross vendor sales, market income, and feedback from customer and vendor surveys
- Monitor for potential improvements in daily logistics, outreach efforts, and product selection, and suggest ongoing improvements
- Enforce CitySeed vendor policies by engaging in proactive conflict management, and elevate issues with vendors to CitySeed leadership when necessary
- Monitor and maintain the cleanliness and organization of all Farmers Market equipment and physical infrastructure, including vehicles, payment terminals, and tents
- Communicate when materials updates or replacements are needed
REQUIRED QUALIFICATIONS
- Ability to lift objects weighing up to 50lbs and work in inclement weather conditions
- Communication, conflict resolution, and creative problem solving skills
- Enthusiasm for connecting communities through food
PREFERRED QUALIFICATIONS
- Experience overseeing events and managing volunteers
- Experience and/or desire to work with farmers
- Working knowledge of Spanish or Arabic
DETAILS
- Desired Start Date: May 11, 2026
- Location: New Haven, CT
- Hourly position: $20/hour
TO APPLY
Please email your resume and cover letter to kaitlyn@cityseed.org with the subject line “Dixwell Sales Associate.” Applications will be reviewed on a rolling basis. CitySeed is committed to creating a diverse, equitable, welcoming and inclusive environment for all employees and our community. We honor candidates' varied experiences, perspectives and identities.
For more about CitySeed and our mission, visit our website: www.cityseed.org
Next Wednesday, March 11th, the Public Health Committee of the Connecticut General Assembly will hold a public hearing about two key pieces of legislation designed to protect access to life-saving vaccines, and each of us has the opportunity to contribute to their passing by submitting testimony in support of science-based vaccine policy. Testimony can be submitted in person (Room 1D of the Legislative Office Building), via Zoom, or in writing (using a form).
The bills: HB 5044 (An Act Establishing CT Vaccine Standards) and Raised Bill 450 (An Act Concerning The Standard of Care for Immunization) have been developed by the CT Department of Public Health and endorsed by the Governor. The bills, which are very similar, make clear that under U.S. constitutional authority, States retain power to protect public health, and that the CT Commissioner of Public Health will establish vaccine policy in CT. This is critically important because the federal Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP), appointed by RFK, Jr, consists of vaccine skeptics and anti-vaxers who have been making vaccine recommendations to the CDC that will harm public health if followed..
The ask: The Public Health Committee will hear public oral testimony about these bills on Wednesday, March 11, 10:30 a.m to midnight. There has been vocal opposition to these bills, and we expect opponents to testify in force. Please defend public health by providing testimony in support of science-based vaccine policy in person (Room 1D of the Legislative Office Building), via Zoom or in writing (using a form). Registration for oral testimony will close on Tuesday, March 10, 2026 at 3:00 P.M. The Committee encourages witnesses to submit a written statement and to condense oral testimony to a summary of that statement. See the announcement about the hearing at the end of this email.
When you sign up to testify (whether written or oral), the form asks for your name, title, and affiliation. Don’t be shy about including all of your credentials (e.g., if you have an MD, PhD, DrPH, or MPH degree, be sure to include it), as doing so will enhance the credibility of your testimony.
The texts of the bills, with deletions from prior language in red and additions in blue, are attached to this email.
Please forward this email to colleagues and organizations interested in supporting science-based vaccine policy in Connecticut.
The following are some excellent resources about vaccines: American Academy of Pediatrics, Association of Immunization Managers, and American Public Health Association.
The following provides general guidance about testifying at a public hearing:
https://cthealthpolicy.org/resources-2/advocacy-tool-box/testify-hearing/ and
https://www.cga.ct.gov/asp/content/yourvoice.asp
The following are key talking points in support of the legislation:
Given that anti-vaxxers are making CDC vaccine recommendations, the CT Commissioner of Public Health must have the authority to provide evidence-based guidelines on State vaccine policy.
The bills seeks to preclude challenges to some mandatory immunization requirements (for daycare, schools, colleges). The challenges are being made on the basis that they violate CT’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act. Opponents of this legislation want to reinstate religious exemptions, so it is important to note that high vaccination rates are needed to protect those who cannot be vaccinated, including infants and immunocompromised individuals, such as people with cancer, HIV, etc.
Vaccination is not just a personal choice—it is a community responsibility..
Schools and daycare centers should be safe spaces, not sites of preventable disease outbreaks.
Religious freedom does not include the right to expose others to harm.
States that eliminated non-medical (including religious) exemptions saw increased vaccination rates and decreased disease incidence
We may send more supporting information over the weekend or early next week.
P.S. If you are not already on the Defend Public Health-CT mailing list, please sign up here. If you are on the mailing list with your work email, we strongly recommend that you change your contact info to your personal email address. Please sign up with your personal email address here.
PUBLIC HEALTH COMMITTEE
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 11, 2026
The Public Health Committee will hold a public hearing on Wednesday, March 11, 2026 at 10:30 A.M. in Room 1D of the LOB and via Zoom. The public hearing can be viewed via YouTube Live. In addition, the public hearing may be recorded and broadcast live on CT-N.com. Individuals who wish to testify must register using the On-line Testimony Registration Form. The registration form must contain the name of the person who will be testifying. A unique email address must be provided for each person registered to speak. Registration will close on Tuesday, March 10, 2026 at 3:00 P.M. Speaker order of approved registrants will be listed in a randomized order and posted on the Public Health Committee website on Tuesday, March 10, 2026 at 6:00 P.M. under Public Hearing Testimony. If you do not have internet access, you may provide testimony via telephone. To register to testify by phone, call the Phone Registrant Line at 860-240-0560 to leave your contact information. Please submit written testimony using the On-line Testimony Submission Form. The Committee requests that testimony be limited to matters related to the items on the Agenda. The first hour of the hearing is reserved for Legislators, Constitutional Officers, State Agency Heads and Chief Elected Municipal Officials. Speakers will be limited to three minutes of testimony. Oral testimony will conclude at 12:00 AM on 3/12/2026. The Committee encourages witnesses to submit a written statement and to condense oral testimony to a summary of that statement. All public hearing testimony, written and spoken, is public information. As such, it will be made available on the CGA website and indexed by internet search engines.
SUBJECT MATTER: Public Health Related Bills
*S.B. No. 450 (RAISED) AN ACT CONCERNING THE STANDARD OF CARE FOR IMMUNIZATION.
*H.B. No. 5044 (COMM) AN ACT ESTABLISHING CONNECTICUT VACCINE STANDARDS.
Discipline Equals Freedom, But Not the Way I Used to Think
Years ago, I recorded a podcast episode called Discipline Equals Freedom. And I meant it.
Back then, I was talking about structure. Food plans. Dating plans. Financial reserves. Time management. Putting systems in place so you didn’t have to make the same decisions over and over again. I still stand behind that.
Structure does create freedom. Planning ahead does reduce chaos. Clear rules of engagement do reduce anxiety.
That episode was true for where I was at the time. But my understanding of discipline has evolved. Today, when I say discipline equals freedom, I’m not talking primarily about external structure. I’m talking about internal boundaries. I’m talking about the discipline of not abandoning yourself in the presence of emotion. And that kind of discipline creates a deeper kind of freedom.
At first, I thought discipline meant grit, hustle, white knuckling your way through discomfort. Doing things you don’t want to do when you don’t want to do them. And while there’s some truth in that, that’s not what discipline means to me anymore.
Now, I see discipline through the lens of internal boundaries. And from that perspective, discipline doesn’t feel harsh. It feels like safety, like staying with yourself until things make sense from the inside. It feels like not abandoning yourself in the presence of emotion. That’s the discipline that creates freedom.
The Discipline of Not Leaving Yourself
When most people hear the word discipline, they might think like I did about external things like food plans, workout routines, budgets, time management systems. Those are external structures. Internal discipline is different.
Internal discipline is what happens in the invisible moments. It’s the moment when someone is upset with you and your nervous system wants to rush in and “fix it.” It’s the moment when your mind starts living into the wreckage of the future. It’s the moment when guilt floods your body after you say no.
Internal discipline sounds like this:
Pause.
Stay.
Breathe.
Do not collapse.
Do not rescue.
Do not spin.
Do not self-abandon.
Those are internal boundaries. And they require discipline.
Discover how photographer William Frucht captures a world that is simultaneously a “slow evolution” and “an infinite mad dance,” in his exhibit Shooting Fast & Slow. The show will be on view from March 6 to March 29, with Opening Reception on Saturday, March 7, 2–4 p.m. The event and exhibit are free and open to the public.
Frucht’s photography follows two distinct paths. One path — the slow path — is photographing abandoned or distressed places with a big medium-format film camera and a tripod. “The images that emerge are meditations on the slow evolution of the world,” he explains. “I am in a dialogue with the past, photographing events that unfold not over seconds and minutes but over years and decades.”
The second path — the fast path — is street photography using a small digital camera. “I immerse myself in the moment,” he says, “trying not to think but simply flow, reacting to fleeting gestures, expressions, and chance arrangements of light and shadow that flicker into existence like virtual particles and then as quickly vanish. Yet even when the world is an infinite mad dance I try to work slowly, as if slowing time itself, to wait for the moment when forms, colors, expressions fall into place.”
“Recently,” he reports, “a third path has emerged, in which I try to capture fast moments with slow processes, like an excursion into an imaginary universe that crosses reality at an angle.” Curious? Come to the City Gallery exhibit in March to how these creative paths diverge and converge.
The following bio appears on his web site. City Gallery does not guarantee its accuracy:
William Frucht is only the second person in U.S. history to win the Pulitzer Prize for Nonfiction, the Nobel Peace Prize, and the National League Most Valuable Player Award all in the same year. Just a few years older than the city of Danbury, Connecticut, where he currently resides, he still works as an acquiring editor at Yale University Press, although his colleagues increasingly think of him as semiretired at best. In his spare time he devotes himself to remaining inconspicuous, failing upward, and using his powers for good and not evil. He is also a photographer whose work has been exhibited in multiple states as well as in private collections here and abroad. He has been a member of City Gallery since 2015.
Shooting Fast & Slow is free and open to the public. City Gallery is located at 994 State Street, New Haven, CT 06511. Gallery hours are Friday - Sunday, 12 p.m. - 4 p.m., or by appointment. For further information please contact City Gallery, info@city-gallery.org, www.city-gallery.org.
Emotions, Emotional Boundaries, and the Stories Your Mind Tells
I want to start by sharing something that happened a while ago. It showed me that the tendency toward rescuing and fixing doesn’t necessarily disappear just because we’ve done a lot of work.
But what does change is this:
We’re no longer compelled to act on it.
Here’s what happened. I live in a condo complex. My doors were open, and I heard a child outside on the phone. It sounded like he was telling someone his mom wasn’t home and he was going to be late.
And my first thought was: “I could drive him.”
Now. I have no idea who this child is. I’ve never heard this voice before. I don’t know the situation. And I needed to leave for a meeting in ten minutes.
But my nervous system moved toward rescuing immediately. That’s my first thought. And here’s a saying I learned early in recovery that came in really handy in that moment:
“I’m not responsible for my first thought, but I am responsible for my second thought and for what I do next.”
What changed in recovery wasn’t that the rescuing impulse disappeared entirely. What changed is that I can notice it without acting on it. And I can notice it without attacking myself for having it.
That right there is emotional boundary work. Because emotional boundaries aren’t just about other people’s feelings. They’re about how you relate to your own emotions.
Here’s what’s important about that story. My first thought was to move toward someone else’s discomfort. That’s what I used to do with emotion too. If I felt anxious, I didn’t stay with the anxiety. I moved away from it. Sometimes by rescuing. Sometimes by replaying the past. Sometimes by inventing worst case scenarios.
And this is the part that took me years to understand: All of those behaviors are attempts to manage discomfort.
When I heard that child, my system was trying to reduce anxiety by taking control. That’s what rescuing is. It’s control disguised as helpfulness.
And when I don’t act that impulse out externally, that same anxiety energy can turn inward. It can become rumination. It can become catastrophizing. Rescuing, ruminating, and catastrophizing are all attempts to manage emotion when we don’t feel steady inside.
They’re different behaviors. Same root.
One of the most difficult parts of setting boundaries isn’t deciding what to say.
It’s dealing with what you feel. Sometimes even before you say it. And definitely after you say it.
In my experience, the number one thing that stops people from setting boundaries isn’t a lack of skill. It’s guilt and shame. It’s that tight, nauseous feeling in your stomach that says, “You’re being selfish.”
Let’s start by normalizing something.
If you feel guilt and shame when you set boundaries, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re changing.
If you grew up in enmeshment, where everyone was in everyone else’s business, boundaries can feel like betrayal. If you grew up in emotional abandonment, boundaries can feel like you’re leaving someone alone the way you were left alone. If you grew up with both like I did, setting boundaries can feel even more overwhelming.
Healthy boundaries live in the middle. They’re not enmeshment. They’re not abandonment. They’re healthy separation with connection.
But if you’ve never experienced that middle, it doesn’t feel like healthy separation. It feels like abandonment.
So of course guilt shows up and shame flares.
The question isn’t how to eliminate those feelings overnight. The question is how to build the capacity to handle them. And eventually, how to reduce them at the root.
Here’s how.
