Photo Credit: Braxton Apana

There’s a phrase I heard years ago by the Buddhist teacher Cheri Huber that completely changed the way I relate to emotions:

“You are responsible for your feelings, not for your feelings.”

At the time, I understood it intellectually. But I don’t think I truly understood it emotionally until recovery. I get now that you don’t need to explain your feelings. You actually don’t even need to understand them. You just need to honor them (i.e., feel them). That’s what it means to be responsible TO your feelings.

For most of my life, I thought feelings were problems to solve, explain, justify, control or suppress. I believed that if I felt something intensely, there had to be a reason. And that there was some kind of fix or strategy to make it go away.

Especially if the feeling was inconvenient, made other people uncomfortable, and particularly if it made me uncomfortable. So instead of feeling my feelings, I analyzed them. Rationalized them. Judged them. I tried to out-think them (or ignored them completely while focusing on everyone else!).

That’s what so many people do when they’ve learned that emotions aren’t safe. Not physically safe, relationally safe, and especially not internally safe. Once you understand that, so much starts to make sense.

When Feelings Didn’t Feel Safe

I grew up in a family where feelings weren’t really welcome. Actually, that’s not entirely true. Some feelings were allowed: calmness, pleasantness, composure. But sadness, anger, overwhelm, grief or vulnerability? Nope!

One of the worst things my father used to say to me was:

“Do you want me to give you a reason to cry?!”

That sentence carries so much distortion inside it. It really fucked me up.

It taught me: My feelings weren’t real, my emotions were excessive and that I shouldn’t trust myself. I got the message, “You need to shut this down immediately.”

And for many people, that’s where self-abandonment began. That’s not because they consciously chose it, but because overriding themselves became necessary for emotional survival.

So they stopped asking: “What am I feeling?”

And started asking: “How do I make this go away?”

Or worse: “How do I make sure nobody else has to deal with it?”

Read the rest at your own pace here

Photo Credit: Alex Shadowz

This past week I had one of those moments where I realized how much my relationship with my own mind has changed.

I was thinking about something coming up and noticed myself starting to go down a familiar (negative) path. You know the one… Thinking through all the possible scenarios, trying to predict what might happen - what someone might say, how I might respond. It wasn’t even particularly dramatic, but I could feel the shift in my body. It felt tighter, I felt a sense of urgency and a pull to “figure it out.”

And then I caught it. Not in a harsh way. Just a simple, “oh… this is a story, not a prediction of the future.”

That one moment changed everything. Because instead of continuing down that path of living into the wreckage of the future (and jacking up my nervous system), I paused and came back to reality.

I never used to be able to do that. I didn’t even know it was an option!

When Your Thoughts Feel Like Facts

Have you ever caught yourself thinking something like:

• They’re upset with me… I must’ve done something wrong 
• This is never gonna work out 
• She’s gonna think I’m a bad person
• Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it 

And then, without even realizing it, your mood shifts, your body tightens, and your nervous system start reacting as if that thought is true.

That’s not just overthinking. It’s you believing a story your mind is telling you. And most of the time, you don’t even realize you’re doing it. Stories are not predictions of the future. They’re stories.

Read the rest at your own pace here.

The summit between President Trump and President Xi Jinping in Beijing next week could be the most significant encounter between American and Chinese leaders since Richard Nixon met Mao Zedong in Beijing in 1972.

That summit eased decades of Sino-American animosity and forged a tacit alliance between the United States and China against the Soviet Union. This summit comes at a similar transformational moment in world affairs, when there is a new shared threat to both China and America. It is a metastasizing disorder that could destabilize the world and harm both countries unless they figure out a way to simultaneously compete and collaborate against a growing list of challenges. These challenges can be successfully confronted only by their collective action — starting with the United States and China together creating guardrails against the malign uses of A.I., now that the latest models have demonstrated staggeringly powerful cyberattack capabilities.

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/05/opinion/trump-xi-summit-ai-global-threats.html?smid=nytcore-android-share

I’m local to New Haven and want to share briefly.

Alongside my coaching business, I offer part-time administrative support for professionals who need help staying organized and keeping things running smoothly but don’t need a full-time hire.

I’m currently looking to take on one consistent role, around 20 hours a week.

If that’s something that might be helpful now or in the future, I’d be glad to connect.

Photo Credit: Tanya-Barrow

If you’ve ever thought:

• Why do I keep saying yes when I really want to say no? 
• Why do I know what to do but can’t seem to follow through? 
• Why do I keep ending up exhausted, resentful, or overwhelmed? 

There’s a good chance you’re dealing with something most people never name directly.

Self-abandonment.

I don’t say that lightly. It’s strong language, and I use it on purpose because softer language can sometimes let us off the hook because we think “it’s not that bad.” When we say things like “I’m not following through” or “I need more discipline,” we miss what’s actually happening.

We’re leaving ourselves. Abandoning what we know we want or is in our best interest.

Read the rest at your own pace here.

Interested in affordable housing and community development? Looking to be more involved in your community? 

LISC Connecticut's Housing and Community Development Leadership Institute (HCDLI) is looking for individuals to join the program in Bridgeport this May! The HCDLI is a free professional development program aiming to build a pipeline of emerging and seasoned leaders within the affordable housing and community development sector. Starting May 5, the HCDLI will convene a cohort in Bridgeport for an intensive 8-week program focused on helping participants build a foundation in the sector through core content trainings, advanced professional development opportunities, and networking. 

There's still time to join the Bridgeport cohort and we'd love to have you! Submit an application before Friday, May 1. Learn more here!

Photo Credit: Itstock

Practical strategies to manage email, meetings, workload, and expectations without burning out

Why Knowing Isn’t Enough

By now, you probably understand that boundaries matter. But knowing that doesn’t automatically change your behavior.

The real challenge is this: following through when it feels uncomfortable.

Because setting boundaries at work isn’t just a logistical issue. It’s an emotional one. Guilt, fear of judgment, and anxiety about consequences are what stop most people from taking action. And your livelihood might be at stake in the workplace, which is different than in personal relationships.

Read the rest at your own pace here.

As food justice leaders experience attacks on their work, they need spaces that allow them to show up as their whole selves. They need reserves of resilience to tap into through difficult times. We need to put joy and connection at the heart of our work to build new systems rooted in justice and liberation.

We must meet this food crisis together, and for that we need leadership from the nonprofit, philanthropic, government and private sectors. The Seeding Power Fellowship is designed to reduce isolation, practice communication and collaboration, and deepen relationships. It provides not only leadership development, but critical movement infrastructure to build a responsive strategy and create a just food system.

Community Food Funders is currently accepting applciations for the 4th cohort of Seeding Power. The application deadline is April 30, 2026. We invite applications from movement leaders and philanthropic partners (funders) in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut.

Please check out our website to decide if this opportunity is right for you!

https://communityfoodfunders.org/seedingpower/

Reclaim your time, reduce stress, and stop over-giving by shifting how you think about responsibility, control, and work-life balance

The Lie That Keeps You Overwhelmed

Most people who feel overwhelmed at work think the problem is their workload.

Too many emails. Too many meetings. Too many demands.

But that’s not actually the root issue. The real problem is a lack of boundaries, combined with a belief that you don’t have a choice.

I see this with clients all the time. They feel pulled in a dozen directions, stretched too thin, all while building a smoldering resentment. They project competence and confidence on the outside. Meanwhile, they feel like they’re falling apart on the inside. Sometimes they keep it together until the meeting ends, then they run into the bathroom to cry because they can’t hold it together any longer.

What changes everything isn’t the workload. It’s realizing you have way more control than you think.

Read the rest at your own pace here.

Featuring work by Amy Arledge

With work that is multifaceted in both theme and construction, artist Amy Arledge returns to City Gallery in ECLECTIC, an exhibit of encaustic and assemblage works. The show will be on view from May 1 - May 31, with an Opening Reception on Saturday, May 2 at 2-4 p.m.

“Nature is an endless source of fascination and inspiration for me,” says Arledge. “It is a common thread in all of my work, whether through actual depiction or in abstract shapes and colors.”

Arledge’s primary medium is encaustic — a combination of purified beeswax and damar, a tree resin that adds durability to the beeswax. The word encaustic is derived from the Greek enkaustikos which means to burn in. Encaustic was used in Ancient Greece and Egypt both as an artistic medium and a building tool. “I’ve painted with encaustic for several years depicting landscapes, seascapes and the non-objective,” explains Arledge.

Her assemblages originate from found objects, often wood, which resemble something in addition to what they actually are. She adds color, additional items, and sometimes wax to accentuate what she sees and give them personalities.

Arledge’s work has been included in numerous solo and group shows including Artspace (New Haven), ARTview (Washington, D.C), City Lights Gallery (Bridgeport), Creative Arts Workshop (New Haven), John Slade Ely House (New Haven), Kobalt Gallery (Provincetown, MA), Lemon Street Gallery (Kenosha, WI), New Haven Paint and Clay Club  Annual Juried Exhibition), Periodic Table of Elements Printmaking Project (Concord, MA), River Street Gallery, New Haven CT), Slater Museum (Norwich), The Institute Library (New Haven), Whitney Center Art Gallery (Hamden), and Yale Medical Library (New Haven). Visit her website for more information, amyarledge.com.

The exhibit ECLECTIC and the opening reception are free and open to the public. City Gallery is located at 994 State Street, New Haven, CT 06511. Gallery hours are Friday - Sunday, 12 p.m. - 4 p.m., or by appointment. For further information please contact City Gallery, info@city-gallery.org, www.city-gallery.org.

The Moment Everything Changes

Two years ago, I coached a woman on the podcast who was overwhelmed by her living situation. She was doing all the work, her roommates weren’t contributing, and nothing changed despite repeated conversations.

When we got off the call, I didn’t think I got through to her. She messaged a few months later that she’d moved out. As a result of our call, she finally realized, “I can’t change them, but I can change me.”

It wasn’t after another conversation, or trying harder or explaining herself better. She made a decision, then followed through on that decision.

That’s what healthy boundaries look like. 

They’re not about getting other people to change. They’re about deciding how you’re going to live and then living that way. And yes, it feels scary and awkward. She said it felt “scary in a good way,” which is often exactly how it feels when you start taking your life back.

One of the most impactful and effective types of boundaries you can use to take your life back are digital boundaries.

Why Digital Boundaries Are Essential for Time, Energy, and Focus

Most people think boundaries are about saying no to others, but the deeper work is about reclaiming your time and energy. Your time is finite. Your energy is limited. And without clear digital boundaries, both can get drained when you’re constantly being interrupted.

Your phone, notifications, email, and social media are designed to grab your attention. Without boundaries, you end up living reactively: responding to texts, alerts, and demands instead of choosing how you spend your time.

Read the rest at your own pace here.

Photo Credit: Ivana Cajina

I realized something recently that feels both simple and profound.

I don’t feel like I have to hide anymore.

For most of my life, I did, but I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing. It wasn’t in obvious ways. It’s not like I was disappearing from the world. It was by carefully managing what people saw.

The Many Ways We Hide

One of the ways I hid was by isolating. Another was by lying. Not the dramatic kind of lying where you invent stories or deceive people about big things. My main form of lying looked much more socially acceptable - it was through people pleasing. I would say I was happy to do things for (or with) other people that I really didn’t want to do.

“Sure, that sounds great.”

“I’d be happy to help.”

“No, I don’t mind at all.”

Meanwhile, inside, I felt completely different. I didn’t want to do it. I was resentful, exhausted, and overwhelmed. But I didn’t want anyone to see that. So I hid by lying.

Secrets Are What We Use When We Don’t Have Boundaries

Recently, I came across something in an old recovery journal of mine that explained this perfectly. It said:

“If we have no boundaries in our families, we tell lies so we can have privacy. Secrets stand in for boundaries.” I don’t know where I heard or read that, but it really struck me because it perfectly described my life before recovery. I didn’t have boundaries, so I created secrecy.

I didn’t tell people what I really thought, didn’t say when I didn’t want to do something and I didn’t admit when I made a mistake.

Instead, I hid.

But once I started developing boundaries, something changed. I didn’t feel the need to hide anymore.

Learning to Be Human in Public

One of the biggest shifts in my life was realizing I didn’t have to hide the fact that I’m flawed, and I didn’t need to present like I have it together 24/7 under all circumstances. That might sound obvious. But for years, I carried around a subconscious belief that I wasn’t supposed to have any flaws, and if I had them, I Goddamn well better hide them!

Somewhere along the way, I absorbed the idea that I was just not supposed to have flaws. And if people discovered that I had them, they’d reject me.

So I hid the evidence.

I covered my mistakes, pretended things were fine, and I tried to manage my image. But recovery changed that. Today, when I make a mistake, I can simply say:

“Oops!”

And surprisingly, the world doesn’t end. I don’t collapse into a flood of shame. In fact, I typically smile and have a sense of relief, knowing that I get to be flawed in public. And other people don’t hate or ridicule me.

Repair Instead of Hiding

One of the greatest gifts recovery gave me was learning what to do when I mess up. Before, mistakes felt like catastrophes. Now, they feel manageable. If I make a mistake, I own it. If I hurt someone, I apologize. Then I change my behavior. That’s it. No more raking myself over the coals because “I shouldn’t have done that” or “I should have known better.”

When you know how to repair things, you don’t have to hide from them anymore. You don’t have to pretend you’re perfect. You can just be human.

Boundaries Make Honesty Possible

Another reason I don’t feel like I have to hide anymore is that I’ve learned to communicate directly. If I want something, I ask, and I don’t feel like shit about it.  If I need something, I say so. If I don’t want to do something, I’m honest about that too, instead of hoping people will magically figure it out (or manipulating situations so I can get what I want without saying it out loud).

Boundaries make honesty possible. Without boundaries, honesty can feel dangerous. With boundaries, honesty becomes normal.

The Unexpected Bonus

Read the rest at your own pace here

There’s a simple practice that has helped me maintain my boundaries more than almost anything else I’ve done.

It’s not complicated, doesn’t take long, and you can start doing it tonight. If you’re in 12-step recovery, you’re probably familiar with it: it’s called a nightly inventory.

I’ve been doing some version of this practice for years now. But over time, my understanding of why it works has evolved. Today, I see it as one of the most powerful internal boundary practices there is.

How This Practice Started

Every night, I write at least ten things I’m grateful for. In the past few months, I’ve started writing a few things in the morning to start my day, then I add to that list at night. I started this practice in July of 2000, originally writing five things each night. That small habit completely transformed my life.

Years later, when I came into recovery and learned about the idea of a nightly inventory, it fit perfectly with what I was already doing. I simply added it to my evening routine. Truth be told, I don’t do this every night now, but anywhere from 5-7 nights per week.

I remember reading something in my twenties that made this whole idea seem ridiculous. In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie talked about doing a weekly inventory of his behavior. On Saturday nights, he’d reflect on the week and ask himself how he could have done things better.

I thought, “Are you fucking kidding me??! Who would do that?” Fast forward 30+, and here I am doing something even more consistent.

The Basement Metaphor

Here’s the image that helps me understand what a nightly inventory really does. When I first worked the 12 steps, it was like I went down into the deep, dark, dank basement of my life. There was junk and debris everywhere: old resentments, defects of character, unexamined patterns, emotional wreckage.

Doing the 12 steps was like cleaning the entire basement out. First, I cleared out the junk, then I sandblasted the walls, then I painted, carpeted, and furnished the place. Then I redecorated.

By the time I was done, the basement had become a beautiful space where I could relax. A place I wanted to invite people into and that I could actually enjoy. My nightly inventory is like sweeping the floor every night, so the junk never piles up again.

Where Internal Boundaries Come In

Read more at your own pace here

Featuring work by Catherine Lavoie

In THREADS: STORIES IN FIBER, artist Catherine Lavoie explores topics related to recovery from trauma, family roots, natures beauty, Buddhist wisdom, and a bit of whimsy. The exhibit will be on view from April 3 - April 26, with an Opening Reception and Artist Talk on Saturday, April 11 at 3 p.m. Mirroring the theme of stories, Jen Payne will present a Poetry Reading from her memoir Sleeping with Ghosts on Sunday, April 19 at 1 p.m.

The exhibit THREADS: STORIES IN FIBER includes work in assemblage, installation art, mixed media, photography, soft sculpture, and modern wall quilts. The art incorporates repurposed materials ranging from discarded wedding dresses and vintage doilies to high-tech power cords and plastic shopping bags. “The surprise of recognizing these everyday items in an artistic context is a key component of my work,” Lavoie explains.

“The pieces are designed to tell stories in new and reassembled ways, and to spark curiosity and initiate different ways of thinking.” One of the most meaningful stories in the show is about Helen Rita Pasternak Lavoie, Lavoie‘s mother, who would’ve been 100 years old in April 2026 and to whom this show is dedicated.”

Lavoie, a fiber artist based in Connecticut, merges traditional quilting techniques with innovative, contemporary materials to produce thought provoking artwork. Her art background includes photography, traditional quilting and mixed media. Her career as a psychotherapist informs her interest in human stories, Natures gifts, and Buddhist thought. She is a member of City Gallery, and the Kent Art Association in Kent, Connecticut.

Writer Jen Payne is inspired by the stories that move us most — love and loss, joy and disappointment, milestones and turning points. When she is not exploring our connections with one another, she enjoys contemplating our relationships with nature, creativity, and spirituality. Ultimately, she believes it is the alchemy of those things that helps us find balance in this frenetic, spinning world. Her work has appeared in numerous publications including the 2024 Connecticut Literary Anthology, Sunspot Literary Journal, Anti-Heroin Chic, and The Perch (Yale). She has published five books, the most recent of which is Sleeping with Ghosts offering an intimate exploration of love, memory, and meaning.

The exhibit THREADS: STORIES IN FIBER, the opening reception and the poetry reading are free and open to the public. City Gallery is located at 994 State Street, New Haven, CT 06511. Gallery hours are Friday - Sunday, 12 p.m. - 4 p.m., or by appointment. For further information please contact City Gallery, info@city-gallery.org, www.city-gallery.org.

Integrity Is an Internal Boundary

Years ago, when I first got into recovery, I became fascinated with the word integrity. So I looked it up. I was surprised to see that the dictionary had two different definitions.

The first is the one most people think of. Integrity means being honest, having strong moral principles, and doing what you say you’re going to do. The second definition is the state of being whole and undivided. Engineers talk about the structural integrity of a bridge. If there are cracks in the structure, the bridge can collapse.

That second definition felt somewhat familiar, but I couldn’t quite put my finer on it. I eventually realized it was familiar because my internal experience before recovery felt exactly like that: fragmented, not whole. And thus it became the name of my podcast.

Read the rest at your own pace here

DIXWELL FARMERS MARKET SALES ASSOCIATE

Seasonal Part-Time position, 5 hours weekly on Saturdays, May through November 2026

The Farmers Market Sales Associate supports a vibrant marketplace and community gathering place through building positive relationships with vendors, customers, and community partners. Skilled in customer service and team-minded,the t Sales Associate contributes creativity, organization, and collaboration to the team, and brings a lens of racial equity and economic opportunity to the work.  This position reports to the Dixwell Market Manager.

RESPONSIBILITIES

The Dixwell Farmers Market Sales Associate works with the Director of Agriculture and Farmers Market Manager to assist the farmers market program, including: program management and implementation, vendor engagement and communications, nutrition incentive program implementation, partnerships, and customer engagement. 

• Implement on-site Farmers Market programming, including: market set-up/tear-town processes, market layouts and stall assignments, equipment transportation and maintenance, management of market hours of operation, and other market logistics 
• Execute produce, meat, and dairy sales utilizing sales software and produce scale 
• Provide excellent customer service to farmers market attendees and customers, ensuring they have a positive and inclusive experience 
• Ensure compliance with city, state, and CitySeed regulations, policies, and guidelines
• Process nutrition program transactions at the market, including Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) and CT Farmers Market Nutrition Program (FMNP)
• Support reporting on market conditions, gross vendor sales, market income, and feedback from customer and vendor surveys
• Monitor for potential improvements in daily logistics, outreach efforts, and product selection, and suggest ongoing improvements
• Enforce CitySeed vendor policies by engaging in proactive conflict management, and elevate issues with vendors to CitySeed leadership when necessary
• Monitor and maintain the cleanliness and organization of all Farmers Market equipment and physical infrastructure, including vehicles, payment terminals, and tents  
• Communicate when materials updates or replacements are needed
  
  

REQUIRED QUALIFICATIONS

• Ability to lift objects weighing up to 50lbs and work in inclement weather conditions
• Communication, conflict resolution, and creative problem solving skills
• Enthusiasm for connecting communities through food
  
  

PREFERRED QUALIFICATIONS

• Experience overseeing events and managing volunteers
• Experience and/or desire to work with farmers 
• Working knowledge of Spanish or Arabic
  
  

DETAILS

• Desired Start Date: May 11, 2026
• Location: New Haven, CT 
• Hourly position: $20/hour 

TO APPLY
Please email your resume and cover letter to kaitlyn@cityseed.org with the subject line “Dixwell Sales Associate.” Applications will be reviewed on a rolling basis. CitySeed is committed to creating a diverse, equitable, welcoming and inclusive environment for all employees and our community.  We honor candidates' varied experiences, perspectives and identities. 

For more about CitySeed and our mission, visit our website: www.cityseed.org