The most important thing I want to offer you today is hope. Because when you have hope, you have a reason to keep going. And once you have even a glimmer of hope, I want to give you practical tools and mindset shifts that can help you change your behavior, so you can actually realize the future you’re starting to believe is possible.
I want you to have hope because I know what it’s like to be without it. I’ve been there. In fact, I’ve been there more than once. One particular time that stands out happened years before I found recovery.
I had met a man with the intention of casually dating—neither of us was looking for anything serious. He literally had a little black book. But somehow, we unexpectedly fell in love. At least, that’s what I thought at the time. Looking back, I can see it was a deeply codependent relationship. I was rescuing him from his emotional turmoil, and that dynamic felt familiar.
After several months together, we were talking about spending the rest of our lives together. And then—out of nowhere—he dumped me. I was absolutely devastated. At 38, I had never experienced heartbreak like that. I pined for him for months. And then, just as unexpectedly, he came back. He apologized, said he’d done some soul searching, and I took him back. I even told him, “Don’t you ever f***ing do that again, because I won’t take you back a second time.”
Well… a few months later, he proposed. I said yes. And a few months after that, he dumped me again.
That second time, as painful as it was, actually hurt less. And here’s why: the first time, I had hope. Hope that he’d return, hope that we’d fix things, hope that my aching heart would be made whole again. The second time? I had no hope. I knew he wasn’t coming back because I had told him so. And that absence of hope allowed me to start healing faster.
For years, I carried the belief that “hope sucks.” That hope was what hurt me. But eventually, I saw the truth: it wasn’t hope that hurt me—it was heartbreak.
So how did I go from believing that “hope sucks” to making hope my mission?
I honestly believe it was my daily gratitude practice. At the time of that breakup, I was less than two years into it—it was still new for me. But it was this consistent focus on what I was grateful for, day after day, that slowly transformed my mindset. Gratitude helped me see good things even when life felt unbearable. It shifted the way I saw the world. And over time, it helped me fall in love with hope again.
Here’s what I know now: hope is not dangerous—it’s life-giving. I once heard a poem that described grief as a cave. But the truth is, grief—and pain in general—is more like a tunnel. You may not be able to see the light on the other side, but it is there. You’re not stuck. You’re just in a place that has another way out.
A cave has no exit except the way you came in. A tunnel has an end—even if it’s out of sight. That’s hope.
So if you’re feeling lost, broken, or stuck—whether it’s from heartbreak, grief, or life just not turning out the way you hoped—I want you to know: you’re in a tunnel, not a cave. Keep going.
And one of the best ways I’ve found to keep going? Cultivating a gratitude practice.
Start small and repeat it. Make it a routine—maybe listing five things you’re grateful for every morning or evening, or every time you brush your teeth. If consistency feels out of reach right now, begin by making a gratitude list whenever you're upset. It shifts your focus and trains your brain to look for the good.
You can also try an A-to-Z gratitude list—write all the letters of the alphabet in a column, and list something you're grateful for next to each one. I have more detailed suggestions in my podcast episode #11, my gratitude journaling article, and the 6-minute video I made for Toastmasters.
I promise you—if you practice gratitude regularly, it will cultivate an attitude of gratitude. And that attitude will sprout hope in your life. It will give you real, tangible evidence that good things exist—even in the hardest times.
You’ll start to see that you’re not in a cave. You’re in a tunnel.
And when you go as far as you can see, you’ll get there—and see further.
Martin Luther King Jr. said it best: “Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase—just take the first step.”
You don’t have to see the whole path. Just believe it exists.
Let my story be a reminder that transformation is possible. You can change. Your life can change. You just need to take the first step—and hold onto hope.
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