Climate change is harming people in the United States and around the world. While climate change harms people from all walks of life, those who have done the least to cause climate change often suffer the most, while those who have emitted the most carbon pollution often suffer the least. Climate change also exacerbates existing vulnerabilities, including those based on personal factors (such as age or existing health issues) and social factors (such as systemic racism and poverty). Moreover, investments in climate change solutions, such as flood protection or renewable energy, often tend to benefit people and communities who are already advantaged...

https://climatecommunication.yale.edu/publications/who-supports-climate-justice-in-the-u-s/

Activist Art by ARTivists is 'justice' work. It gives voice to the silenced, or marginalized, to better understand our collective humanity and the earth we share. Its public presence provides an opportunity for conversation and compassionate change. Few artists claim this space beyond the protest signs and posters. For them and their work, we offer our brave, safe creative space in Nelson's honor.

Nelson 'Carty' Ford Memorial Gallery, to be dedicated on April 30^th, is an integrated gallery in the gathering spaces and walkways of WPAA-TV and Community Media Center. Nelson served on the Board of Directors from 2015-17. Subsequently, he served as the arts ambassador. His fine art series 'Bricks in Search of Words' graced our space until his passing in Dec 2023, said Artistic Director Josiah Houston. He influenced the use of public art to solve problems. The organization’s journey into #MoreThanTV began as a #PowerfulWildFree4Arts Project a.k.a. tiger mural to resolve a blight problem on the north side of their renovated 1924 cow barn. The tiger now called Hercules was a literal stretch for Ryan Christenson #Arcy who is now an internationally renowned muralist.

Nelson supported the permanent installation of #StreetshotZ by photographer Charles Buzinsky. This remains the featured installation of photographs, a book, and a digital display which actively engages viewers to support programs for their housing and food insecure neighbors.

Flipped from the 1960s Civil Rights headlines "We Are Not Like You" series by Brother Iyaba Ibo Mandingo will provoke necessary discussion of our shared 'differently' history. It was acquired this month. Source materials will be part of the installation.

The sculpture 'Conversation' by Ann Lehman, ' Mission in Mosaic' by Gallery53 artists, Wally political cartoons by Kevin Markowski are in the collection. Musicians may appreciate the reflective take on Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On” Album Cover on loan from photographer and music man Robert Sims.

More about Carty: A 1963 graduate of Paier Art School he held day jobs as a graphic designer and pursued fine arts and his interest in history. His fine art was exhibited from 1991 until his passing. He began his major work The Awakening in a scroll 2 ft. by more than 500 ft. It explored the evolution of One Race with many faces, colors, cultures, and nations.

Photo Credit: Bernd Dittrich

If you want what you want when you want it, you’re not likely to be able to delay gratification. This often happens when you have a sense of urgency. This was particularly true for me when it came to relationships. When you have that feeling of urgency, you typically ignore the consequences of plowing forward.

This is how we miss red flags.

I suppose “miss” red flags isn’t really accurate. It’s more like we ignore or plow over red flags. When I look back at my behavior before recovery, I think of myself as having ignored festivals of red flags, not just one or two! Now, I try to look for green flags. I wasn’t even aware that green flags existed before recovery.

Most of us think of red flags as pertaining to dating partners. But red flags can pop up in all sorts of circumstances. And even if we’ve been in recovery for a while, we can still miss them. When we do, we can look at that as info, not ammo (information to learn from, not ammunition to beat yourself up with). That is, be curious about why you ignored that red flag. When you do that, you’re less likely to do that again when you analyze what that was about.

Here's a non-relationship red flag situation I missed. When I found a camper van to rent for my 6-week solo road trip, I was so excited about it that I ignored the cosmetic problems inside and outside the van, as well as the environment where the van was stored. It turned out the lack of maintenance of the cosmetic things was an indicator of the lack of overall maintenance of the van. I ended up breaking down and getting repeated repairs, then, ditching the van for another vehicle in Arizona because I ignored these red flags. That sense of urgency and excitement caused me to hurry. 

Just because you want something right now, doesn’t mean we can or should get it.

Here’s another example. I know a woman who moved to live near like-minded individuals she’d connected with. The town was over an hour drive from where she worked, and she knew she’d have that long drive very early in the morning through a horrific traffic corridor. She’d also have to drive home during rush hour with very heavy traffic. She also knew that she was often drained at the end of each work day, but she chose to make the move anyway. She ignored the nagging thought of how many hours of driving she’d need to do each day after being drained from work.

What happened was that she was often so drained that she wasn’t up to connecting with her friends. She had so little time and needed to rest and recuperate. The whole reason she moved to that community didn’t come to fruition. She’d spent more time with them when she lived farther from them but closer to work.

After a couple of years of being completely drained by the drive and the heavy traffic, she moved to a place that was much closer to work. She realized that the original decision to move closer to her community was made with a sense of urgency because she wanted what she wanted when she wanted it. She realizes now that if she has a sense of urgency about a decision, then it’s even more important to slow down and be mindful of the decision.

So how can we learn to delay gratification?

I think the most important thing you can do is to slow down. If you have a sense of urgency about something, unless it’s an actual emergency, that should be a red flag that this is not how to make thoughtful, rational decisions. 

We can’t be proactive in our lives if we’re constantly on the move, doing things quickly with a sense of urgency all the time. When you pause and catch your breath, you’re basically telling your body, “I am safe” so it will come out of fight or flight mode. We’re unable to think clearly in that mode, and that’s as it should be – you’re not supposed to think, you’re supposed to fight or flee in that mode! That mode cuts off access to your frontal lobe where your rational thinking is done.

If we want to make proactive decisions about our lives, we need to be able to access the frontal lobe. That’s why slowing down is so helpful. Pausing to take time to think about things means we’re much more likely to use our rational brain than our feelings to make decisions.

Another way to change this pattern of acting on your wants is get clear on your values and use them to steer your life. When we live in alignment with our values, we’re much more likely to make reasoned decisions proactively. That means, it’s easier to delay gratification because we’re looking at the big picture of our lives when we’ve focused on our values.

For more blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, here are the top 12 relationships tips I learned from 12-step recovery. Seeing as I’m now in the first (and only) healthy relationship of my life after about 40 years of dating, you might want to take heed of these.

Don’t date for the first year you’re in a personal development program. The reason for this is that you’re going to be a completely different person after a year of any personal development program. If it’s going well, you’ll be a much healthier version of yourself in a year. That means you'll be attracted to healthier people, and healthier people are going to be attracted to you.

Be real. Don’t fake who you are, and act like you like things that you don't like. Being fake is dishonest, unsustainable and likely to fill you with resentment when you continually do things you don’t like.

When somebody tells you who they are believe them! For example, if somebody starts out by deceiving you, then believe that they're a deceiver. If you meet someone online who looks absolutely nothing like their online picture, they're telling you, “I’m not what I appear to be.” Stop giving the benefit of the doubt to strangers!

Take the relationship one day at a time. That is, take things slowly, bit by bit. There’s no rush. If you or your dating partner have a sense of urgency in dating and want things to move faster, that's probably not healthy. Set some boundaries for yourself around your initial interactions with them (e.g., maybe start with a 20 minute phone call, then maybe a 45 minute coffee date). 

That being said, one thing I think is wise to rush is meeting someone you’ve met online in person as soon as you’ve realized you might like to date them. It's wise to meet them sooner rather than later so you don’t build up unrealistic expectations of who you think they're going to be. And - chemistry can only be experienced in person.

Use the principle of “first things first.” That means what you value most should come first. If you’re in 12-step recovery, that needs to come first. If you’re a parent, your children should come first. Your dating and relationships should fit around your life. Living your life by what’s most important to you is what leads to a satisfying life. It also ensures that you’ll attract people who fit into your life. There are some values you don’t need to have in common, and some you do. Having children is a big one. If someone says they don’t want kids and you do, don’t date them.

Acceptance. That means accepting people the way they are. No matter how compatible two people are, there will always be some kind of irreconcilable differences in your relationships. These could be things like being an early riser vs. a later sleeper, or being messy vs. neat, being on time vs. being late. If you cannot accept that quality in the person, don’t date them thinking “I’ll get them to change.” In committed relationships, you’ll find a way to make things work if it’s really important to you, and you don’t make their qualities mean “they don’t love me” or “if they were committed they’d change that quality.”

H.A.L.T. – Don’t get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Don’t allow yourself to get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired, or you won’t be very pleasant to be around, and you may very well blame your mood on your partner. If you’re hungry, eat. If you’re angry, express it in an appropriate way and deal with the cause. If you’re lonely, reach out to connect to someone. If you’re tired, rest. Don’t expect someone else to meet those needs for you.

Keep coming back, it works if you work it. This popular saying from recovery can be applied to our relationships as well. “Keep coming back” means you're committed to the relationship - the small stuff and the big stuff, the easy stuff and the hard stuff. 

“It works if you work it” means that if you put work into the relationship, it will work. You don’t just find your soulmate and have it easy from then on because you’re “meant for each other.” It's definitely easier to be in relationship with someone you're compatible with, but it doesn't mean there's no work. Having open, clear, and direct communication is hard. In fact, teaching that is at the core of what I do as a boundaries coach. We just don’t get taught how to do that well, so learning how to do that well with your partner takes work.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If you’ve had the same argument or the same conversation repeatedly in your relationship, something's not working right. If you’re not doing anything to shift things so the conversation changes, that's the definition of insanity. What do you need to do differently? Most of us know it only takes one person to change a relationship. Unfortunately, what most of us believe is that one person is our partner, not us. Maybe you need outside help or some other shift in perspective, but something has to change. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Progress not perfection. We can't expect perfection out of ourselves or anyone else, but we should expect progress. This is especially so in a committed relationship. If you’re not seeing progress in your dating relationship, then you probably shouldn't marry them. But you also shouldn't expect people to conform to your way of doing things. There are going to be certain things in your relationship that are deal breakers. It’s helpful to get clear on what those are before you date.

H.O.W. – Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness. I was told early in recovery, “This is H.O.W. it works.” You must have all three of these if recovery is going to work and if your relationships are going to work. If you’re not honest with your partner, then you're not really in the relationship with them. Be open-minded to the fact that there's something you don't know or something that you haven't tried, or there's you’re assuming about your partner that’s incorrect. So be open-minded that you don't know everything and you don't have all the answers. Willingness is imperative for a happy, healthy relationship. If you're willing to be in the relationship, and willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work - that’s called commitment. When you’re committed to someone, you’re willing to run through the muck with them and do whatever it takes to get to the other side of the muck. You’re committed whether things are easy for hard.

Understanding your part in things? This was my greatest gift of recovery - coming to understand my part in things. I learned this in Step 4 where I looked back at what I’d been doing that was creating chaos or exacerbating the chaos around me (especially in my relationships). If other people really are the problem in all your relationships, you’re screwed! So don’t assume things are always someone else’s fault. Look for what you could be doing differently. And remember, this is “info, not ammo.” It’s information to learn and grow from, not ammunition to beat yourself up. 

When you’re in a relationship, and there’s a recurring pattern, it behooves you to look for your part in things rather than automatically assuming it’s your partner.

For most blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

We Love What Makes You Unique 

Your perspective fuels our mission-driven work at United Way of Greater New Haven. We are committed to building a team that is inclusive across race, gender, age, religion, identity, and lived experience. As an organization, we are committed to addressing systemic racism and injustice in our community, our partnerships, and our practices.

Who We Are Looking For 

Are you passionate about living in a community where people have the skills, access, and confidence to build the life they want for themselves and their families? Do you like connecting dots, people and ideas? Do you like to listen and guide people through difficult times? Are you highly skilled at building relationships and navigating complex systems? 

If so, our Community Navigator position may be perfect for you. 

An Overview of the Role

United Way is committed to helping community members live a more financially stable life. To do so, people must navigate many systems and programs to get what they need, which can be confusing and time consuming. To support our community, United Way is creating the position of Community Navigator to support community members by helping them identify their needs and connecting them to resources to address them, ultimately breaking down barriers to achieve their goals.

The Community Navigator will be based in high traffic community locations, will meet with individuals one-on-one to assess their needs to increase their financial stability and then make direct referrals to appropriate community partners. Our vision is that our community can more quickly access the right resources to achieve their goals.

This is a full-time hourly position that includes benefits with a salary range of $23-$25/hour.

What You Are Great At  

• You are a creative network-builder. You are connected across diverse networks of service providers, community organizations, and community leaders and leverage those networks to recruit participants and supporters. You invest in community relationships in a way that benefits the community in all directions.
• You enjoy talking with people about issues that impact families. You have experience advocating for change, with a particular passion for children and families.  You bring the spirit, creativity, and voice of working with parents and children into the work!
• You are a strong communicator. You have strong writing skills that show up as clear emails to colleagues and partners and thorough project documentation. You are also comfortable speaking to groups about the needs and resources in our community and the work you do. Your communication skills (which includes good listening skills!) also help you build productive relationships with partners and participants. 
• You value data to shine light on the most impactful stories. You have experience with collecting and tracking individual level and outcome specific data. 
• You’re a team player.You work well with others, including both internal and external audiences. You proactively help colleagues when you see the need.  And, you have experience contributing to a positive organizational culture that values diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging. 

What You Will Do 

• Support and guide families within greater New Haven to access supports such as workforce training, child care, basic needs and more. Meet with individuals one-on-one to assess and support warm hand-offs to partner agencies.  
• Record and track all referrals to wrap-around services, education programs, etc. in order to identify trends and monitor effectiveness of program.
• Build an understanding of local programs and services that will support the needs of clients.
• Communicate barriers that families face while trying to access services to program leadership.

What You Need

• Substantive knowledge of the Greater New Haven landscape of nonprofit and city partners who provide services and/or programs that address education, early childcare, financial stability, workforce development, and other issues.
• Strong communication skills and the ability to interface with key stakeholders and represent the program and UWGNH in many settings.
• Positive customer-service orientation to external partners and our internal UWGNH team. Skills to establish and maintain high quality relationships with a variety of stakeholders.
• Excellent organization skills and sharp attention to detail. Ability to proactively see what actions are needed and take initiative.
• Strong proficiency in Microsoft Office applications including Word, Excel, and PowerPoint. Demonstrated comfort in learning new software/ online tools as needed.  
• Highly motivated and creative out-of-the-box problem solver who demonstrates sound judgement.
• Community minded with high-level active listening skills and the ability to connect with people of different economic and ethnic backgrounds. Ability to balance a variety of perspectives representing all areas of diversity including race, ethnicity, gender, ability, age, sexual orientation, and religious beliefs/faith practices.
• Spanish speaker preferred, but not required.
• Local and statewide travel is required; out of state travel as needed.

About United Way 

United Way of Greater New Haven brings people and organizations together to create solutions to Greater New Haven’s most pressing challenges in the areas of Education, Health, and Financial Stability grounded in racial and social justice. We tackle issues that cannot be solved by any one group working alone. We operate according to our organizational values.

In accordance with organizational policies, this position requires a criminal background check as a condition of employment. Pay for this full-time position is $23 - $25/hour. 

United Way is an Equal Opportunity Employer. 

Don’t check off every box in the requirements listed above? Please apply anyway! Studies have shown that marginalized communities - such as women, LGBTQ+ and people of color - are less likely to apply to jobs unless they meet every single qualification. United Way of Greater New Haven is dedicated to building an inclusive, diverse, equitable, and accessible workplace that fosters a sense of belonging – so if you’re excited about this role but your experience doesn’t align perfectly with every qualification in the job description, we encourage you to still consider submitting an application. You may be just the right candidate for this role or another one of our openings! 

To apply: www.uwgnh.org/careers

Hello! We are the Community Investment team at Dwight Hall, Yale’s center for public service and social justice. We are part of a student group that manages Dwight Hall’s endowment, and each year we disburse unrestricted grants to support New Haven nonprofits.

This year, our group is looking to award two grants, of $3,800 each, to community organizations that are working to advance social justice in New Haven. If you are a small-to-medium size, registered nonprofit that would benefit from these unrestricted funds, please fill out the following form by Friday, March 22nd. 

Feel free to email me at ​​howard.dai@yale.edu or dwighthallsri@gmail.com if you have any questions! 

In 2014, I was a part of the CFGNH Neighborhood Leadership Program.  My project was to deliver workshops with parents seeking Restorative Parenting tools.  It was an amazing cohort of leaders from throughout New Haven who were vision holders, each in their own way working to make New Haven a great place to live.  Many of us, and our fellow cohorts, are still committed to this work today. 

In my current role at United Way, my job is to build a similar space specifically geared toward young parents and young people who care about being the change for their own children and communities.  Parent Leadership Training Institute (PLTI) is currently accepting applications from 18–24-year-olds who are looking for the support and tools they need to "be the change."  Our strategy is to invite the community to engage actively with the young people around them, meaning YOU.   Who do you think would benefit from learning about who they are as leaders, and how to be an active voice in our democracy on behalf of children? Go to our website, find our application, encourage your future leaders to apply! 

The New Haven City Plan Department is recruiting for Community Navigators, who will be helping to lead engagement for the Vision 2034 Comprehensive Plan. These are part-time, paid positions for New Haven residents. We are accepting applications through early February, and they can be accessed here:

English:  https://forms.gle/meJ61bHthYb2Vi8U8

Spanish: https://forms.gle/Z3hzHzaboDCZUdDPA

It is critical to the success of the plan that these engagement leaders be geographically, linguistically, and culturally representative of our city, with a variety of deep connections to communities within New Haven, particularly those often excluded by traditional methods of outreach. We are counting on community partners to help us identify residents who are passionate about their community, have strong interpersonal skills, and are really good listeners to apply for this position!

Thank you for helping get the word out to your constituents, and please do not hesitate to reach out to Assistant Director of Comprehensive Planning Esther Rose-Wilen (ERoseWilen@newhavenct.gov) or Director Laura Brown (LEBrown@newhavenct.gov) with questions or to connect us directly with interested residents. At the bottom of this post, there is a short blurb and flyer designed for circulation.

Other upcoming events and opportunities for participation will be up on our website soon: https://newhavenvision2034.com/

Paid Community Navigator position:

The City Plan Department is accepting applications to serve as a ‘Community Navigator’ engagement leader for Vision 2034, New Haven’s Comprehensive Plan.

This is a part-time, temporary position. Community Navigators will be involved in engagement across all plan topics, strategizing on how to reach populations often excluded by traditional outreach methods, acting as liaison to those groups/individuals, and trained to host and facilitate public input meetings using a facilitation toolkit. 

More information on the role and the application can be found here: https://forms.gle/meJ61bHthYb2Vi8U8

Puesto de navegador comunitario remunerado:

El Departamento de Planeación de la Ciudad está aceptando solicitudes para servir como un 'Navegador Comunitario' (líder de participación pública) para Visión 2034, el Plan Integral de New Haven.

Este es un puesto temporal a tiempo parcial. Los Navegadores Comunitarios apoyarán a la participación en todos los temas del plan, elaborarán estrategias sobre cómo llegar a las poblaciones a menudo excluidas por los métodos de extensión tradicionales, actuarán como enlace con esos grupos/individuos y estarán capacitados para organizar y facilitar reuniones de aportes públicos utilizando un conjunto de herramientas de facilitación.

Mas información sobre este papel, y la solicitud aquí: https://forms.gle/Z3hzHzaboDCZUdDPA

Part 5 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations

Now that we're on my 5th essay about overcoming unrealistic expectations you might be thinking, “I’m starting to understand how to not have expectations ahead of time, but what if I'm still resentful because of an expectation I had in the past?” Good news! You can get rid of your expectations after the fact.

If you’re like me, it might be that you don’t even realize you had an expectation until that expectation doesn't get met. That is, you didn't even know that you had an expectation until you get upset and realize it after the fact. Maybe it was so subconscious that you weren’t even aware of it.

Here’s how I let go of my expectations after the fact: as soon as I realize I had an expectation, I “unhook” from that expectation (at least that’s what I call it). I retroactively let go of that expectation by looking at the situation and thinking to myself, “Oh, I had an expectation, and that’s why I’m upset.” Here are three examples.

When I said “I love you” to someone and they didn’t say it back, I got upset. When I looked at that, I realized I had an unconscious expectation of that person saying “I love you” back. 

The only way I realized I had that expectation is that I felt a little wounded when they didn't say it back to me. When I looked at it to examine what the wounding was about, I saw that it was about me having an expectation of them saying I love you back to me. That they should say “I love you” back to me.

Then I thought - why did I have that expectation? Did I tell that person I love them just so they’d say it back to me? Or did I say it as a genuine expression of how I was feeling in the moment? Honestly, I said it because that was a genuine expression of how I felt.

Now that I’m in recovery, I realize that the way to know people love me is through their actions, not just their words. Truth be told, I don’t say “I love you” to just anybody. I reserve those words for people that I know for certain I love. And I love them for who they are and how they make me feel, not because of what they may or may not say to me. 

As one friend in recovery says all the time, “Love takes effort” so it's not necessarily them telling me they love me that I feel loved. It’s from showing me that makes me feel loved, by doing kind, loving things for me (which may include saying I love you). I’d much rather have someone express their love to me genuinely because that’s what they’re feeling in the moment than have someone say “I love you” because they feel like they have to reciprocate.

Having expectations is very similar to making assumptions. Here’s another situation where I was able to unhook from my expectations after the fact. I made an assumption in a work situation. I assumed that simply because I was an employee of an organization that I’d automatically have access to some of the benefits the customers receive. When that didn't happen I was terribly upset. 

I had to do some thought work on it and realized I wanted special treatment. I assumed that just by being an employee of the organization, that meant I got the same benefits the customers get. 

That was not the case. I had an expectation of getting benefits that were not for me. When I acknowledged that, I was then able to unhook from my expectations, which removed my resentment. And let me tell you, I was pretty resentful about the situation! It was quite a relief to be able to let go of that resentment. I will say that it came back up a couple of times, but I was able to use my mature, adult brain to remind myself that my assumption had been wrong – I don’t get those benefits. I’m not a customer. 

Here’s another example that’s relatively benign. This is the kind of thing that used to send me reeling before recovery. I’m blessed that I’ve learned to accept so many things that used to really piss me off. 

There's a suburban-ish neighborhood here in New Haven with a stop light that I expect should work a certain way, and it doesn’t. Every time the light changes, there's a walk signal in between the lights changing. There are almost never any pedestrians at that intersection, mind you. And there are stop lights in downtown New Haven where there are pedestrians galore that don't have a pre-programmed pedestrian signal between light changes. 

Every time I got to that stop light with the walk signal, I’d get really annoyed. When I finally realized how much of my serenity it was taking, I did some thought work on it. I realized I had an unrealistic expectation that that light shouldn't be programmed that way. I can either continue to be resentful about that every single time I get to that light, or…I can let go of that expectation. 

I can also stop going through that intersection! Which I sometimes do, but it’s pretty inconvenient to do that. Now, when I get to that light and have to wait for the walk signal, I use it as an opportunity to make conscious contact with my Higher Power. I’ve let go of the expectation that there shouldn’t be a walk signal there. 

I hope these three examples for how to unhook from expectations after the fact will be enough for you to be able to start implementing this concept for yourself. If you weren’t able to lower your expectations ahead of time, hopefully you’ll be able to use this method and get rid of your expectations after the fact.

You're still going to have expectations from time to time, and maybe you won't even realize it until they're not met. But as soon as you realize “that was an expectation,” do the best you can to unhook from it to let go of your resentment so you can be happy, joyous and free.

For most blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news