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Photo Credit: Dayne Topkin

When I first heard the saying, “It's none of your business what other people think of you”, I had no idea what that meant. I seriously couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Every time I thought about that saying, it just baffled me.

I now know it baffled me because of my codependence, which meant I was super focused on what others thought of me. That was outside my awareness though, which explains why this statement was so baffling. 

Early in my recovery, I heard a speaker say, “It's none of your business what other people think of you. What is your business is what you think of you.” WOW!! That was mind-boggling. I hadn’t really considered what I thought of myself. 

This was one of many things in recovery that helped me understand that I was so focused on others’ opinions of me and getting their approval. I had no idea that was true about me. In fact, when I first heard the term “people-pleaser” I didn’t think it referred to me. For an introspective person who’s been on a personal growth journey since age 24, that’s pretty astonishing, but oh so true!

Being so focused on getting others’ approval meant that if there was the slightest hint I didn’t have someone’s approval, I made it mean that there was something bad or wrong with me. Then I’d make it my mission to try to get them to approve of me.

Sound familiar? If that’s you, perhaps you bend over backwards for others, or try to pretend you like things that you don't. Or instead, you may try to make that person wrong or bad in your mind. We do all these things because we care more about what they think about us than what we think about us. 

Here are a couple of examples of how to shift your thinking on this from Brooke Castillo of the Life Coach School. The first such shift we’ll call “The Peach.” Let’s say you're a peach, and someone bites into you, and they don't like you because they don't like peaches. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you as the peach, or that there's anything wrong with them. They just don't like peaches. No value judgment. 

It’s easy to understand and buy into this concept when we're talking about peaches, but when someone doesn't like us as a person, we take that sooo personally. Think of yourself like this: I’m a peach – and some people just don’t like peaches. That’s it. It doesn’t need to mean anything more than that.

Brooke’s second mindset shift we’ll call “The Constant.” Let's say you walk into a room with ten people. If what you did and said were the only factors influencing what they think of you, then all ten of those people would think the exact same thing of you. But that’s not how it works. Every person is going to have a different opinion of you. 

You’re the same you. You’re the constant. But their opinions are based on their life experience, especially their perception, which is always individualized and subjective. Perhaps you remind them of a former colleague they loved, so they feel good toward you. Or perhaps you remind them of a former teacher who humiliated them so they take an extreme dislike of you. The possibilities are endless. The point is that very little of how people respond to you has to do with you. It has much more to do with them. Otherwise, everyone would have the same opinion of you. 

What YOU think of yourself is so much more important and valuable than what others think. It’s fine to seek others’ approval, but only when you have your own approval first.  You have to live in your skin, in your life. They don’t.

For most blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Photo Credit: Tim Mossholder

I believe I’ve always pretty much liked myself. But I realized in recovery that I didn’t really love myself, and I didn’t feel worthy. When I inventoried my life, I could see, “Those were not the behaviors of a woman who feels worthy and loves herself.” Learning to love myself has been one of the most incredible gifts of recovery.

It’s also a gift that many of my clients receive in the process of building healthy boundaries. That’s because building boundaries is a process of getting to know yourself, learning to show up for yourself, and doing more of what you like and less of what you don’t like. Who wouldn’t love someone who does all those things for them?! So you won’t be surprised to see that “set boundaries” is the next item on this list!
In case you missed parts 2 and 3, here’s what was on them:

1. Get help for your addiction
2. Stop judging yourself so harshly
3. Reparent yourself
4. Mirror work
5. Take care of your physical body
6. Connect with something greater than yourself
7. Step away from chaos
8. Take care of your physical environment
9. Learn to ask for help
10. Be present
11. Use gentle language with yourself

Below are my last five suggestions for how to love yourself. Of course, there are many other ways you can grow to love yourself. I’d love to hear how you love yourself. Drop me an email here to let me know how.

12. Set boundaries. Shocking for a boundaries coach, I know! My experience of learning to set healthy boundaries was that I got to know myself through the experimental process (and it’s always an experimental process). I learned, “I really don’t like that” and “I guess I do like this.” I’d been such a chameleon before recovery that there was much of me that was up for negotiation. Building boundaries helped me discover who I really am, and what I really want, like, need, and prefer.

As I got to know what was okay and not okay with me, I began to follow through on those preferences more and more. When I set a boundary, I felt better about myself because I showed up for myself in ways I hadn’t before. Then, because I felt better about myself, it was easier to set the next boundary. Getting to know yourself better and standing up for yourself is an incredible way to love yourself!

13. Give yourself peace. What I’ve discovered as I’ve gotten to know myself better is that what I want more than anything else is peace. I lived with such drama and chaos much of my life, especially internally, that I’m done with all that shit! I want peace.

I often ask myself, “What do I need to do to have peace?” For me, twice daily meditation is imperative. Consistent conscious contact with my Higher Power is also essential. I also stay away from people who are not peaceful. I slow down and take breaks instead of operating with a sense of urgency all the time. I stay away from controversy, and that includes staying away from the news, current events, and politics. The first few years I stopped paying attention to those things, I was afraid people would think I was ignorant and uninformed. Then I realized I AM ignorant and uninformed! AND I have peace. I’ll take peace any day. It feels really loving.

14. Stop the negative self-talk. In my late 20s, I discovered that I had a really super negative self-talk. I’d say horrendous things to myself in my head. I wasn’t even aware of it until it was pointed out to me in a book where other people’s negative thoughts were revealed. I read their words and said “Holy shit! I say that stuff to myself too!” It’s kind of shocking to know that that stuff had been running like a ticker tape through my mind all the time, yet I wasn’t aware of it.

Clean up your negative self-talk! This is crucial. You cannot love yourself or have a well-lived life when the background noise of your life is full of shitty things about you. Because you come to believe those things. A belief is essentially a thought you’ve thought for so long that you’ve come to believe that it’s the truth. You’ve gotta turn that messaging off! The best way to do that is to replace it with something else. I’ve written two articles about how to clean up your thought life. They can be found here and here. 

15. Affirmations. This is sort of a follow-up on #14. I know some people think saying affirmations are hoaky bullshit. And that may be true for some people, but it’s been a game-changer for me. Think about someone you love. If you continually say kind and loving things to them, don’t you think it would have an impact on your relationship with them? 

The same is true for yourself. It’s hard to have a loving relationship with anyone without words of affirmation. In fact, “words of affirmation” is one of the Five Love Languages in the book by Gary Chapman. If you’re not familiar with the concept, I encourage you to take Chapman’s test here to find out your love language. Then love yourself in the way you best receive love. And teach others to love you similarly.

Be kind to yourself, especially in your mind. Say affirmative things to yourself. You deserve it.

16. Live in alignment with your values. I had no idea I wasn’t living in alignment with my values until I got into recovery. Part of step 12 is that we “practice these principles in all our affairs.” What that means is that we live in alignment with the spiritual principles of our 12-step fellowship. The reason we do this is because we’re so much less likely to relapse when we’re doing the right things. It’s loving to live in alignment with your values.

I was violating my values all over the place before recovery, especially about honesty. Before recovery, I truly believed I was an honest person. Nope! I lied about food, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, and my relationships. Probably the largest portion of my dishonesty had to do with my people-pleasing behaviors - I’d agree to things that I didn't want to do, I acted like things were okay with me that weren’t, and said no to things I really wanted to do so I wouldn’t be judged or because it would be inconvenient for others. 

I didn't know it at the time, but I was doing it because I wanted people to approve of me. I could go on and on about the ways I violated my values, yet I thought I was a very values-oriented person. 

One of the reasons living in alignment with your values contributes to self-love is that you become proud of yourself. You’ll know you’re an honest woman of integrity. It’s also way less draining to live in alignment with your values, and who doesn’t want more energy?! Living aligned is so much easier, and the things you value are likely to light you up. Doing things that light you up is loving.  

Of course, there are plenty of other ways you can learn to fall in love with yourself (and I’d love to hear how you’re doing it, email me here. These are just some of the ways I’ve learned how to do it. What one will you try first?

Featuring Work by Judy Atlas, Meg Bloom, Phyllis Crowley, and Rita Hannafin

French painter Henri Matisse once explained, “When I apply green, that does not mean grass, when I apply blue, that does not mean sky.” Abstract Art does not attempt to be literal in that way; it uses other means to express the feelings and visions of the artists, guiding the viewers to new perspectives. Come see for yourself during BLUE DOES NOT MEAN SKY, a City Gallery Group Show featuring abstract work by artists Judy Atlas, Meg Bloom, Phyllis Crowley, and Rita Hannafin on view from January 5 through January 28, with an Artist Reception on Saturday, January 13, 2:00 - 4:00 p.m.(Snow date Sunday January 14 2:00 - 4:00). In addition, artists will be in the Gallery on January 7 (Crowley), January 14 (Atlas), January 21 (Bloom), and January 28 (Hannafin).

Abstract painter Judy Atlas expresses her exploration of the patterns, shapes, lines and movements found in nature and everyday life. Her paintings in this exhibit return to her “flux” series, communicating the sense or state of always flowing, yet never ending.

Meg Bloom finds beauty in the imperfect and impermanent. Through her sculptures and mixed media works, her art marks moments of transience as she responds to the world around her. Her art almost always references nature and reflects the increased urgency she feels to respond to the chaos and destructiveness in the environment, whether natural or man-made.

Phyllis Crowley combines photographs to make new relationships that bring her closer to the original emotional experience. The images speak to each other, create different ideas and associations, often emphasizing elements that are subdued in each original. The process is similar to building a story sentence by sentence; or even more, in writing a poem with the words carefully chosen, and the placement critical.

Rooted in a traditional quilt-making background, art quilter Rita Hannafin explores abstraction to express a new perspective of personal images that inspire her. Her series in this group show begins with an orderly vista and morphs into a chaotic construct. The underlying emotion is the energy of New York City which serves to unify the work.

Offering a unique opportunity to explore abstract art in a variety of media, BLUE DOES NOT MEAN SKY is free and open to the public. It will be on view from January 5 through January 28, with an Artist Reception on Saturday, January 13, 2:00 - 4:00 p.m. (Snow date Sunday January 14 2:00 - 4:00). City Gallery is located at 994 State Street, New Haven, CT 06511. Gallery hours are Friday - Sunday, 12pm - 4 pm, or by appointment. For further information please contact City Gallery, info@city-gallery.org, www.city-gallery.org.

Patrick Greenfield

Wed 29 Nov 2023 06.00 EST

The natural world underpins human civilisation on every corner of the planet. From oceans to rainforests, grasslands to mangrove swamps, ecosystems feed billions of humans, produce clean water and provide materials for shelter. As the planet heats, scientists and conservationists are urging the world to harness and restore nature to maintain a habitable planet.

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2023/nov/29/from-tree-planting-to-sponge-cities-why-nature-based-solutions-are-crucial-to-fighting-the-climate-crisis

Photo Credit: Fellipe Ditadi

Learning to love yourself is one of the most incredible gifts you can give yourself. In essence, treat yourself as if you are beloved, and you will be.

This is the second of my three-part series on how to love yourself. In case you missed the first one, here’s what the first five suggestions were:
 

1. Get help for your addiction
2. Stop judging yourself so harshly
3. Reparent yourself
4. Mirror work
5. Take care of your physical body

Below, I’ll share suggestions 6-11. In the third essay next week, I’ll share the last five suggestions.
 

6. Connect with something greater than yourself. Whether you’re an atheist, agnostic, spiritual, or religious person, knowing that you’re part of something greater than yourself can be soooo healing. I identify as a very spiritual person and call my Higher Power “God.” But it’s my own definition of God that works for me. It’s something like – the all of everything, plus a little bit more.

Making conscious contact with the universe consistently helps you get perspective on life. You’re not just a worker doing a job Mon-Fri 9:00-5:00 or a role in your family or community. You’re a miracle! And you’re part of something greater, and your part matters. If you believe as I do, that you can actually tap into that power, then do it! I was agnostic until I was about 37, and connecting to a Higher Power and reaching out to that Power for assistance is WAY BETTER than going it alone! It’s an enormous relief to remember I’m not alone (even if I sometimes feel like I am) and not in charge (even if I sometimes feel like I am).
 

7. Step away from chaos. You do not have to put up with chaotic people, situations, or environments. I honestly didn’t even see walking away from chaos as an option before recovery. It just WAS. It was just part of my life and something I dealt with. To be sure life wasn’t like that 100% of the time, but enough that it was normalized to me. This was especially true in all the places I worked before recovery. If you feel like shit every time you see a certain person, go to a certain place, or engage in a specific activity, find a way to get out of there! It’s okay to walk away from chaos.
 

8. Take care of your physical environment. For me, it starts by making my bed every day. I used to think, “What’s the point? I’m going to mess it up anyway.” However, it sets the tone for my day. When I walk back into my bedroom, it’s a stable, peaceful environment. It’s not chaotic.

I’ve never been the best housekeeper, but I’ve gotten better and better over the years. In fact, I’ve recently started paying to have my home cleaned monthly. The worst part for me was the clutter, which I dealt with years ago. I may still have pockets of clutter in areas of my home from time to time, but the place is no longer cluttered. It frees up brain space when you take care of your physical environment. And as they say, “As within, so without.” That is, what’s going on the outside is often a reflection of what’s going on inside. It’s my experience that I can influence what’s going on inside by changing my environment from chaotic to peaceful. Feng Shui is a great place to start. It’s the Chinese art of placement. You learn to place things in your home in a way that allows for the greatest flow of positive energy.
 

9. Learn to ask for help. Another way to say this is to allow people to love you. The universe is made up of ebbs and flows, in-breaths and out-breaths. We’re meant to give and receive. The saying, “It’s better to give than to receive" dismisses the patterns of nature. They’re both required, and neither is better. If you’ve been giving, giving, giving your whole life, it’s time to receive.

When I got into recovery it was almost impossible for me to ask for help. I sometimes felt like I was gonna die at the idea of asking for help. Gradually, with the help of my fellows in recovery, I learned to ask for and welcome help. It was a very humbling process, to be honest. If you’d like to learn more about my journey to ask for help you can read about that here.

One of the tricks to learning to ask for help is discerning who are the right people to ask for help. It can be very vulnerable to ask for help, so you want to make sure to ask those you can trust. This was an educational process for me, given my history of trusting untrustworthy people.
 

10. Be present. You cannot be purposeful about your life if you are not in the present moment. Learning to love yourself doesn’t happen by accident, it takes intention. If you’re constantly dissociating, worrying about the future, or ruminating about the past you’re not going to be able to intentionally cultivate self-love.

Getting into the present moment is imperative for self-love. The main way I get into the present moment is to connect with my body through my senses and breath. Pay attention to each sense in succession – what is the farthest thing you can see, the faintest sound you can hear? What can you smell or taste? Perhaps it’s nothing, but just connecting with those senses makes you present with yourself.

You can simply pay attention to your in and out breaths, you can count your in-breaths and double the length of your out-breaths. There are several ways to use breath to get present. Another way to get present is by consciously feeling your feet on the floor or your butt in the chair.
 

11. Use gentle language with yourself. Even though I still swear a lot, I don’t swear at myself any longer. I now say things like, “Oh goodness!” when something goes wrong. I didn’t choose to make this shift, it spontaneously happened. But I have chosen to make other shifts. I talk sweetly to myself now. And I especially talk sweetly to my inner child and inner teenager. 

Next week, I’ll share part 3 with more five ways to fall in love with yourself. Be gentle with yourself, and treat yourself in loving ways as you embark on this journey. Have fun with it! LOVE the journey!

For most blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Photo Credit: Fellipe Ditadi

On a recent call with a private client, she said, “I am falling in love with myself!”

I cannot tell you how unbelievably awesome that makes me feel! My heart is swollen with pride and love that I get to shepherd her on her journey to self-love. Mind you, that was only after four weeks of working with me!

What I want for all of my clients, and everybody in the world really, is that they grow to love themselves. Here are some tips for how to fall in love with yourself that have worked for me. They’re not in any particular order.

It will help if you think of it as building a relationship with yourself. If you were falling in love with another person, you’d do things to let them know you care. You’d treat them well, and let them know you’re thinking of them. You can do that for yourself too!

1. Get help for your addiction. If you’re addicted to a substance, whether it’s food, drugs, alcohol, or perhaps you have a process addiction like sex or gambling, get help. You will not have a high-quality life that you love when you’re using. You don’t have to go it alone. There are over 200 12-step programs, and there are tons of resources out there no matter your income level. Here’s a page on my website with some recommendations I have.

2. Stop judging yourself so harshly. Most people believe in being kind and loving to others and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Yet when it comes to ourselves, we hold ourselves to a much higher standard. Here’s the thing, you are FLAWESOME! Just because you have flaws, doesn’t mean you’re not also awesome! Give yourself the same love and kindness you give others. Cut yourself some slack for a change. That self-judgment isn’t shaping you into a better person. You'd just end up battered and bruised.

3. Reparent yourself. Even if you think it sounds hoaky, give it a try. The deep and profound healing I’ve experienced through my reparenting journey, especially in this past year, has been astounding. I can’t tell you how much fear and emotional pain I’ve released. Not to mention forging a real relationship with my inner family.

Reparenting can be as simple as being good and kind to yourself like a loving parent would be. It can also be very complex where you create a whole cast of inner characters and recast your past. To get started, I highly recommend getting your hands on a photo of you as a child so you can look at it regularly and say loving things to the picture. You might also try to connect using non-dominant handwriting. Write to your inner child with your dominant hand, then respond using your non-dominant hand. I don’t know how it works, but it does! Somehow doing that bypasses the adult part of your brain. Start with “getting to know you” comments and questions and see where it goes.

4. Mirror work. This was super awkward, but also super powerful! Look at your eyes in the mirror and say loving things to yourself. When I started this, I was very resistant. But I was committed to changing my ways and that meant I had to try new things. I decided the thing I needed to say to myself was, “I love you just the way you are Barb.”

I didn’t mean it at first and I cried while doing it. And I kept doing it. That meant I was telling myself, “I love you even when crying ‘for no reason,’ even when resisting doing this work, even when feeling weird and awkward.”

Eventually, it got less weird and awkward. Eventually, I stopped crying. Eventually, I meant it. And now, I very regularly (at least once daily) catch my eye in the bathroom mirror and say, “I love you Barb, just the way you are.” Now, I’m typically grinning an impish grin when I do it.

5. Take care of your physical body. You are an animal. You’re not a machine. And animals need care. They need consistent sleep, food, water, activity, and relaxation. We were meant to move. So move your body, and stop ingesting things that were not meant for consumption by animals. Or at least start adding things that are good for you, whether that’s healthy foods, consistent movement, or sleep. Just treat your body as if it is beloved, even if you don’t feel that way just yet.

Over the next two weeks, I’ll share parts 2 and 3 with some additional ways to fall in love with yourself. Remember that this is a journey. Most people grow in love with others, they don’t really “fall” into love immediately. So be patient with this new lover of yours.

For most blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Moved With Compassion Ministry is a Charitable nonprofit 501c3 organization in New Haven. Our mission is to provide basic needs such as food, clothing along with educational and spiritual assistance so that those in the community can live with dignity and respect. We currently distribute clothing out of a basement in New Haven.  Clothing are issued to individual as requested.  We attend community events and set up tables with clothes, books and toys that we give out. We have a passion to serve the homeless and less fortune. We give out coats, hats,scarfs, socks, shoes, blankets and regular clothing to the homeless or anyone in need . We make the items available all year.  We have partnered with the newhallville community at their community event.  We currently have a need for 200 square feet of space to display and store the items that we give out. The organization is seeking a rent free space, we can supply a donation receipt for the cost of the space.  We desperately need the space immediately so we can effectively serve the homeless and less fortunate in our  community .  Thank you in advance

Photo Credit: Ozkan Guner

The concept of willingness is something we talk about frequently in recovery. We say if you’re willing, you can make it through just about anything.” But just because you’re willing to do something doesn’t mean you want to do that thing.

I am willing to have the dentist use a drill on my teeth, but I don’t want to do that.

This mindset shift has been enormously helpful to me, especially in my recovery. It’s exceedingly helpful when it comes to changing our behaviors for the better. 

I may not want to go to the gym five days a week, but I’m willing. That’s because adults do things they don’t necessarily want to because they want the outcome that behavior will get them. What I do want is a healthy, pain-free, physically fit body. That makes me willing to do the things required to have a healthy, pain-free, physically fit body.

Here’s a story to illustrate the immense power of willingness from someone I heard speaking at a recovery workshop. He’d been struggling in his recovery and relapsing, and during his one minute of willingness the day before he went online, he found out about the workshop and signed up.

At the workshop, he learned that there was a local men’s meeting. He’d never had the opportunity to attend a men’s meeting before, so he was really excited about that. He also got connected to a bunch of folks in the room, and it reignited his recovery because he’d been away from meetings for months. And then he said, “That all came from one minute of willingness yesterday. Can you imagine what I could accomplish if I had an hour of willingness? Or a day??”

Sometimes the only willingness you need is the willingness to type something into Google like the guy in the above example. And then, eventually, maybe it’s the willingness to skip that bad habit just one time. Then another. Then maybe willingness to follow the suggestions of your doctor or therapist, then willingness to go to a support group. Eventually, you will have to become willing to do whatever it takes to get the life you desire if that’s what you truly want. But in the beginning, the tiniest bit of willingness can carry you very far.

If you’re someone who believes in a Higher Power of some sort, and you use that Higher Power to help you with your willingness, it's my experience that that combo can move mountains! If you want to have outcomes you’ve never had before, it’s not going to happen unless you’re willing to try things that you’ve never tried. As they say, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.”

If there are role models whose lives you want to emulate, or who have qualities you admire, ask them what they’ve done to get there. Then become willing to take action. Eventually, you’ll have to actually take action, but in the beginning, it can help to just start with the willingness. You don’t have to want to do all the things recommended to you. Just be willing.

Action is a concrete form of willingness. When I started working with my first sponsor, she required me to go to two face-to-face meetings/week in that fellowship. I was already going to 4-5 meetings/week with my other fellowship, so I told her I was too busy.

She said, “Maybe you’ll have to skip one of those other meetings.” That didn’t feel like an option for me. But I looked at my schedule and decided I could make something work. When I later told her this, she said, ‘Barb, that’s called willingness. You told me no, but then you took action. That kind of willingness is what you need to recover.” I didn’t really want to add more meetings to my weekly schedule, but I was willing. And here I am now, years later still abstinent and at goal weight for 5 1/12 years. 

So you don’t have to want to do the actions that are suggested to you, but if you’re willing it can be the beginning you need.

Photo Credit: Vanessa Kintaudi

by Jan Ellen SpiegelNovember 5, 2023

The Chittenden beachfront area. The marsh is inundated from Long Island Sound, which has also washed up sand and debris. Nearby houses are in increasing jeopardy of flooding. JAN ELLEN SPIEGEL

Street art is no longer rejected as merely deleterious graffiti or vandalism, but rather, it can be the source of civic pride, public artistry, and outdoor engagement in cities across America. Strategically placed art—on the side of a business, under a bridge, on the exterior walls of a community center—not only helps with the beautification of a neighborhood, but also, it can be a return of investment for commerce...

https://www.forbes.com/sites/wendyaltschuler/2020/03/23/americas-mural-magic-how-street-art-can-transform-communities-and-help-businesses/?sh=4ff8b5ad1739&fbclid=IwAR3-qMxkDf5OznTKWBx3Hnh0Q5USf96VjGql7sp5N3m9ST0_6DAF4pfm9FA ;

Position Summary

The Chief Operating Officer (COO), in partnership with the Executive Director and CEO, will serve as a co-leader and the primary administrative, operational, and facility leader of the newly revitalized The Bruce Museum. An engaged leader, the COO will be committed to organizational excellence and possess a deep appreciation for the changing museum field, community engagement, and high-quality visitor experiences. The COO will be the primary liaison to the Town of Greenwich and will serve as a key advocate for the Bruce’s needs in seeking maintenance support, operational funding, and capital funding from the Town in partnership with the Executive Director and CEO. The COO will provide leadership and clear direction to guide the strategic direction of the Bruce with direct responsibility for key operations and facilities projects. Reporting to the Board of Trustees, the COO will oversee, direct, and manage Finance, Facilities, Museum Store, Café, Security, IT Systems, Human Resources, and Communications (Public Relations, Marketing, Social and Digital Media). The COO will also collaborate closely with the Executive Director and CEO’s direct reports, including Exhibitions, Art and Science Curatorial, Audience Engagement, and Development to ensure the success of the operational goals of the Bruce.

Roles and Responsibilities

Strategic Direction and Implementation

• Serve as a partner and thought leader to the Executive Director and CEO, supporting their vision of the strategic plan in collaboration with senior leadership, and developing clear short- and long-term work plans that balance strategic objectives and financial outcomes.
• Oversee work plan implementation through day-to-day operations, managing direct report departments and leveraging cross-departmental work teams.
• Strengthen museum-wide department management through effective and transparent communication.
• Cultivate strategic partnerships and expand activities to build financial resilience for ongoing programs and operations.
• Ensure the implementation of the strategic plan, working with the Executive Director and CEO, Board of Trustees, staff, and community stakeholders to attain the vision to drive significant growth, financial success, and community partnership opportunities.
• Embrace other strategic direction and implementation responsibilities as needed.

Financial and Organizational Resiliency

• Provide oversight for all financial operations, including the preparation of the annual operating budget in collaboration with the Chief Financial Officer and the Finance Committee with regular updates on financial operations to ensure the most effective use of financial, human, and technological resources.
• Provide concise, relevant, and timely information to the Board of Trustees so that they can fulfill their policy-setting and community ambassadorship responsibilities.
• Cultivate a visitor-centered operational plan to support the annual earned revenue goals and build financial resilience for ongoing programs and operations.
• Oversee and support the growth of the earned revenue aspects of the Bruce’s operations, including the Bruce Store, Café, and admissions, to meet revenue goals, DEI commitments, and museum values.
• Manage Human Resource, ensuring that the necessary organizational staffing structure, policies, systems controls, and procedures are in place and regularly reviewed for effectiveness.
• Inspire, mentor, evaluate, and guide a high-performing team that supports a culture of inclusion, growth, and continuous improvement in alignment with the Bruce’s values.
• Advocate for digital innovation and strengthen the IT and financial infrastructure of the Bruce and capabilities to ensure effective and efficient operations.
• Embrace other financial and organizational resiliency responsibilities as needed.

Community and Stakeholder Engagement

• Develop an active community presence and build strong, positive relationships with Town officials, civic leaders, and residents to foster opportunities for ongoing support, new initiatives, and partnerships within the Town of Greenwich.
• Oversee Communications (Public Relations, Marketing, Social and Digital Media) in developing and executing a comprehensive plan that will engage the community, define the brand proposition, build trust, enhance reputation, and deepen loyalty.
• Deepen and refine all aspects of communication to support and strengthen the Bruce’s brand and visibility.
• Embrace other community and stakeholder engagement responsibilities as needed.

Traits and Characteristics

The COO will be a collaborative and people-oriented professional who is receptive to new ideas and innovative approaches while respecting the investment of human and fiscal resources. Proficient in setting, pursuing, and achieving goals in a timely manner, the COO will be driven to support others while ensuring that organizational goals are met. They will be a results-oriented relationship builder who maintains an engaged professional profile. They will value community commitments and work internally and externally to ensure they are met. Highly versatile, the COO will be a change agent who understands and can successfully manage the challenges associated with organizations that have undergone major change, either positive or negative. They will have the ability to move from dialogue to timely decision-making and action.

Other key competencies include:

• Time, Priority, and Project Management – The ability to prioritize and complete tasks and to oversee all resources and people to achieve desired results within allotted time frames.
• Planning and Organizing – The capacity to set and prioritize relevant, realistic, and attainable goals and objectives; to anticipate effects, outcomes, and risks; and to manage resources according to set priorities.
• Leadership and Diplomacy – The tenacity to organize and motivate others to set, pursue, and accomplish goals regardless of obstacles, with the capacity to tactfully handle difficult situations, and treat others fairly, regardless of differences, while maintaining positive relationships.
• Personal and Professional Accountability – The authenticity to self-evaluate, take responsibility for personal actions and decisions, accept setbacks, look for ways to progress, and understand how obstacles impact results.
• Flexibility – The ingenuity to respond promptly to shifts in direction, priorities, and schedules while maintaining productivity during transitions.

Experience and Qualifications

A master’s degree or equivalent experience with at least ten years of senior management experience or progressive executive leadership in a museum or related nonprofit organization is highly desirable. A proven track record with financial leadership, budget oversight, promoting innovative use of systems technology, and supervisory experience of diverse teams is essential. The ideal candidate will possess skill, passion, creativity, and an appreciation for art, science, natural history, exhibitions, educational programming, and community partnerships. A demonstrable commitment to the importance of equity, diversity, and inclusion is necessary. As a place-based institution, the position will have a hybrid work schedule available in accordance with museum policy.

Compensation and Benefits

Compensation is anticipated to be in the range of $200,000 to $225,000. Employee benefits include group health and life insurance, HSA account, vacation time, and a 401k plan. Relocation assistance is available.

Application and Inquiries

To submit a cover letter and resume with a summary of demonstrable accomplishments, please visit http://artsconsulting.com/opensearches. For questions or general inquiries about this job opportunity, please contact:

Wyona Lynch-McWhite, Senior Vice President

Josyanne Roche, Vice President

292 Newbury Street, Suite 315

Boston, MA 02115-2801

Tel       (888) 234.4236 Ext. 225 (Lynch-McWhite) or Ext. 240 (Roche)

Email    TheBruce@ArtsConsulting.com

Organization

The Bruce Museum (the Bruce) is a community-based, world-class institution accredited by the American Alliance of Museums that offers a changing array of exceptional exhibitions and educational programs to promote the understanding and appreciation of art, science, and the intersections between the two disciplines. Now considered ahead of its time for taking this multidisciplinary approach over a century ago, the Bruce is at the heart of contemporary efforts to bring together art, science, technology, and creativity to generate moments of discovery and dialogue.

The first exhibition at the Bruce took place in 1912 and featured works by local artists known as the Greenwich Society of Artists, several of whom were members of the Cos Cob Art Colony. Their works formed the nucleus of the Bruce’s art holdings and continue to be a strength of the collection, which has expanded to focus on global art from 1850 to the present. Other strengths include Ancient Chinese sculpture, Native American Art, the Hudson River School, modernist works on paper, and photography. Parallel development of the natural sciences includes strengths in the mineral and avian collections. In all, the community, through its generosity, has built the Bruce’s varied collections of art and natural science to over 30,000 objects.

In 2020, the Bruce embarked on a project to construct a new building. This expansion doubled the Bruce’s size and tripled its exhibition spaces. The facility opened April 2, 2023, featuring state-of-the-art exhibition, education, and community spaces, including a changing gallery for art and five new permanent galleries in the William L. Richter Art Wing, a changing gallery for science, a permanent science exhibition titled “Natural Cycles Shape Our Land,” three classrooms in the Cohen Education Wing, a café, an auditorium, and grand hall. When the outdoor spaces are completed in the summer of 2024, the Bruce campus will feature a sculpture-lined, landscaped walking path and inviting spaces for relaxation and contemplation—natural enhancements to Bruce Park and an anchoring connection to Greenwich Avenue.

The Bruce is governed by a 36-member board of trustees led by Co-Chairs Bill Deutsch and Simone McEntire, and Robert Wolterstorff is The Susan E. Lynch Executive Director and CEO. There are 50 full-time and 13 part-time staff members. The total operating revenue in fiscal 2023 was approximately $6.8 million, including $2.7 million from contributions, grants, and special events, and $180,526 from admissions and programs. $3.9 million in additional revenues includes investment income, funding from the Town of Greenwich, and museum memberships. The operating budget in FY 2024, the first year in the new building, is $9.6 million.

Community

Known as the “Gateway to New England,” Greenwich, Connecticut, is a 50-square mile coastal town in Fairfield County on Long Island Sound. Greenwich is the largest town on Connecticut’s ‘Gold Coast,’ named for the prosperity of its inhabitants, many of whom work for hedge funds and financial service companies. Established in the 17^th Century, Greenwich was a farming community that was transformed by the arrival of the railroad, which brought new industry and immigrants to the area. The town also developed as a resort for New Yorkers who wished to escape city life, as New York City is 35 miles and a short train ride away. Greenwich has 32 miles of shoreline, 4,000 acres of parkland, more than 150 miles of trails for horseback riding, and four beaches on Long Island Sound where visitors can enjoy swimming, boating, fishing, or relaxing on the sand.

During the pandemic, Greenwich saw record growth with an influx of New Yorkers relocating to the community. Close proximity to major highways and four train stations makes Greenwich a very commutable town. Fairfield County has the fastest-growing population of any county in Connecticut and is the second-most diverse. The total population of Greenwich is 63,518. A significant and growing Spanish-speaking population that lives near the Bruce. According to the 2020 U.S. Census, 16.4% of the Fairfield County population are native Spanish speakers. Greenwich has one of the strongest public-school systems in Connecticut. There are 11 elementary schools, three junior high schools, and one senior high school, along with several private schools. Local festivals and annual events provide a range of activities for residents and tourists, making Greenwich a vibrant community for residents and tourists.

Sources: greenwichct.gov; greenwichhistory.org; neilsberg.com; ctvisit.com

The Bruce Museum is governed and administered in a manner welcoming to all who promote its Mission and Vision. In all dealings, the Bruce shall not discriminate against any individual or group for reasons of race, color, religion, sex gender identity, gender expression, age, ethnicity, national origin, marital status, sexual orientation, economic status, disability, or any category protected by state or federal law. 

The Bruce is dedicated to advocating for increased diversity, equity, and inclusion in all its activities including, but not limited to, staff, partners, volunteers, subcontractors, vendors, members and exhibitions.

We are excited to announce the search for the Executive Director of Christian Community Action. (CCA), based in New Haven, Connecticut.  The Board and staff wish to celebrate and honor the incredible 35 years of service, passion, commitment and impact of Rev. Bonita Grubbs, the outgoing Executive Director, by ensuring CCA remains a leader in promoting independence for local individuals and families. 

CCA’s Board of Directors seeks a new Executive Director who will provide strategic leadership, while bringing a fresh perspective, leveraging the organization’s talented staff, and further galvanizing its community and alliance partnerships.  CCA has engaged the services of NEGRON Consulting to facilitate the executive transition and search process.  Given your knowledge, experience and networks, we would appreciate you sharing this widely, as well as your assistance in reaching out to individuals who may be qualified and interested in this opportunity.

The complete position description with candidate application guidelines is attached, and background information on CCA is provided below.  You can also learn more about CCA at: https://www.ccahelping.org/ as well access the search announcement on CCA’s website at https://www.ccahelping.org/executive-director-search/

Any inquiries or suggestions of potential candidates may be sent to our Transition Consultant Michael Negrón at: CCAsearch@negronconsulting.com with the Subject Heading: CCA Executive Director Search

We appreciate your time and insights. Thank you in advance for your support.

Best regards,
Michael Negrón
NEGRON Consulting

Photo Credit: Adi Goldstein

If you’re the kind of person who is always looking for someone to blame, welcome to the club! That was me. But I didn’t even realize that was what I was doing until I got into recovery. I’ve come to realize that I have an internal blamer that almost always wants to point the finger elsewhere.

I’ll give an example. One night, when I was sleeping at my sweetheart’s place, I woke up, and the pillow between my knees was missing. My first thought was, “That fucker stole my pillow!” Do you see that?! I went from unconsciousness right into blame! It was a reflex.

First of all, in my waking life, I have never once thought of him as “that fucker.” Secondly, the pillow was on the floor on my side of the bed. And third, he was sound asleep.

That’s how insidious that blaming part of us can be.

You get to stop blaming other people, circumstances, and institutions for your problems. Note I said, “get to” not “have to.” It’s a choice you can make.

If other people really are to blame for everything that's wrong with your life, you’re screwed! If that’s true, then you have no options, and you might as well crawl under a rock.

Now, of course, that’s not what I believe. When you realize other people are not to blame for your problems, you can then take responsibility for making change in your life. That is, you have options.

This doesn't mean nobody has ever done anything harmful to you. It means that if you focus entirely on what other people or society did to you, then you’re never going to try to make any changes in your life because you believe you don't have options. But you do. Blaming others is acting as if your fate has been sealed.

In part 2 of my 5-part series on victim mentality, I mentioned two perfect examples of people from history who were horribly harmed yet chose not to blame: Nelson Mandela and Victor Frankl. They both chose not to blame and instead, focused on what they could do. They lived through some of the worst atrocities that could be committed on humans but did not blame. They made choices about what to do with their lives given the circumstances they were faced with. 

That means it’s possible for you and I. You can make choices with your life - even if you don’t believe it’s possible right this moment. 

When you blame others, you keep the focus on them. That means you’re never going to have a different life because you’re not even going to try to do anything about it. Even if other people did cause something and are to blame, it's not helping you to blame them. Nothing is changing by you blaming them. It may very well be keeping you stuck where you are.

When you stop blaming other people and start looking for ways in which you can make a difference, that’s when everything will start to change. When you stop blaming other people, you’re coming out of victim mentality or what’s sometimes referred to as learned helplessness. 

If you've learned helplessness, then you can unlearn it. You can learn to help yourself and to reach out to the right kinds of people who can help you change things if you need such help.

When you blame other people, you will not focus on yourself and what you can do in the here and now. If your life sucks and you want it to change, stop blaming others. When you continually blame, you’re abandoning yourself. You’re abandoning yourself and putting the focus entirely on them while you’re the one who’s stuck.

This is yet another reason why one of the most important things that I teach my clients is to keep the focus on yourself. Like the Serenity Prayer says, we need the wisdom to know the difference between the things we can and cannot change. One of the central tasks of life is discerning if what’s going on is something we can or cannot change. Once we know, we can put our energy toward the things we can change and accept the things we can’t. When we’re stuck in blame, we’re not able to do that.

Once you understand what you can control and you put your focus on that, then it’s a matter of getting the courage to change the things you can. But you're never going to change anything if all you do is focus on other people and what they did or did not do to you. If you continue to blame others for things you haven’t accomplished, you’ll never accomplish them. This isn’t about beating yourself up (i.e., shifting blame from them to you) it’s about taking responsibility for your own life. You get to do that.

For most blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

The City of New Haven has allocated $8M in ARPA funding to launch a comprehensive “Career Pathways” initiative with goals like creating a vocational and technical academy as well as enhancing the training and entrepreneurial pipeline that guides New Haven residents through the process of attaining living wage careers in growing industry sectors.

The 2nd Request for Proposal (RFP) from the City of New Haven for Career Pathways grants provides additional programmatic support for many of the types of Career Exploration/Readiness programming your organization is already running or looking to get off the ground. You and your partners are encouraged to consider submitting a proposal should it align with regional economic development goals. The RFP is now posted at Bonfire site: https://newhavenct.bonfirehub.com/opportunities/112549 (solicitation #2024-11-1614 with a closing date of December 12). 

Please also share with other networks as you think appropriate. Any further questions or comments on the RFP itself would go through the Bonfire site.  

I need a space to make a closet for the homeless and less fortunate, I have winter clothes and coats to give out.

Maybe you’ve heard the saying, “Feelings aren't facts.” Though this is true, they’re still real, and they matter. The point behind this saying is that feelings don’t need to rule your life. Take your feelings into account, but don’t necessarily use them as the only guide to your actions.

I used to let my feelings rule my life – if I didn’t FEEL like doing something I didn’t. If I was afraid of doing something, I didn’t do it. If I felt like indulging in a hot fudge sundae I did.

I now understand that just because you feel something, doesn't mean you should act on that feeling. We also want to consider facts when deciding on a course of action, not just our feelings.

Feelings are often based on the past rather than on what’s currently going on. This is particularly so for people who have any kind of trauma. When that’s the case, you’re likely to have feelings that are out of proportion regarding something that’s happening in the present.

I think of it like this - it's like trauma creates a kind of “fault line.” When something happens in the present, it bumps up against that trauma fault line, which causes a reverberation through your system. The way that reverberation gets expressed is through our feelings.

The problem is that when you don't know any of that is going on and something happens in the present moment to trigger you, you think it's the current situation that’s causing your feelings. Perhaps someone does something mindful of the past, so you think it's them who has caused your big giant feelings. If that’s the case, you might think “If they stop doing that, my big feelings will go away.” But what’s really going to help with the feelings is dealing with the original trauma. That will help get those feelings to be more “right-sized.” More about that in a moment.

Feelings are real. They matter. They tell us something about ourselves. Where we get into trouble is when we act as if it's a fact that our feelings are always coming from the current person or situation. When I decide you’re the cause of my problems, I then deal with my feelings like they’re facts.

What we need to do, instead, is focus on what we want, not on what we don't want: the shitty feeling. For example, I want peace. That means I need to ask myself what I need to do to get to peace. Focusing on other people and what they're doing is not going to get me to peace. It’s going to get me to focus on them and what they’re doing, which I can’t control. Trying to control them is impossible, so it’s fruitless and an endless drain on energy (i.e., not peace).

What I can control is me. I can control what actions I’m going to take regarding the things that are happening around me. This can be hard to do when we’re feeling triggered, but it is possible, especially when you pause before responding. Take a few deep breaths to get the signal to your body “I’m safe” so that instead of responding from your lizard brain (as I call it,) respond from your frontal lobe or the higher-order thinking part of your brain. If you need help with learning how to pause, I get it. It was monumental for me to learn how to do that, and I explain that here in this podcast episode. When you pause like this, you come out of fight-or-flight mode and can then look at the facts of the situation (e.g., he is not my mom scolding me for doing something wrong. He is my coworker, and I’m an adult).

I'm not saying you always need to control your feelings. It’s important to feel your feelings, to allow them to exist rather than resisting them. That resistance is much more of a problem than the actual feeling. Feelings are energy, which continually morphs and changes. They will not last forever. But it’s hard to remember that when you’ve been triggered.

Resisting those feelings makes them even bigger! When you couple that resistance with the fact that they’re often based on traumatic or dramatic incidents in the past, our feelings can seem HUGE! 

If we let the emotions go through us, they will dissipate. But if we resist, they build and create tension in our bodies. So allow yourself to feel those feelings, just don't let them rule you. We should allow feelings to inform us, but not the exclusion of facts, especially if those feelings are rooted in the past. 

It’s important to honor your feelings. You were given them for a reason. But it’s also important to make sure you’re not treating them as facts. They’re not necessarily indicators of what’s really going on. You won’t know until you’ve done some investigating. If your feelings are way out of proportion, it may be that you’re dealing with trauma. If that’s the case, you may very well need the help of a therapist who specializes in the treatment of trauma.

For most blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Stop Solitary CT is hosting a Pre- Thanksgiving dinner on Monday, November 20, 2023, at 5-8pm at WhitneyVille Commons, 1253 Whitney Ave, Hamden CT.

We are coming together to honor the lives of those lost in DOC custody this year as well as to show support to the families of incarcerated individuals. We have invited an amazing experienced clinical psychologist, Dr. Nneka Jones Tapia to engage in a discussion about incarceration and its impact on incarcerated people, their loved ones, correctional staff and whole communities. "It's a system that is making all of us sick". She is a former warden from Chicago who led the Chicago Beyond partnership with Cook County's Sheriff's office to reduce harms caused by correctional institution using a framework developed from her experience working in correctional institutions. 

Free and open to the public to the public. Dinner will be served.