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If you’ve ever felt like you keep trying to get to balance but are not able to get there because you keep getting thrown off, this essay is for you.

When we think about balance in our lives, we tend to think it means getting to a certain state or set of…

Photo Credit: Uday Mittal

One of the insights I gained early in my recovery journey was that I'd been expecting people to read my mind my whole life—well, at least subconsciously. If you had asked me, "Are you expecting people to read your mind?" I probably would have said no.

As I talked with others on my recovery journey with…

There are two kinds of “uncomfortable.” The first might come up if you grew up in a chaotic and dysfunctional family like I did. That means you learned to put up with difficulty and discomfort. It could have been emotional, psychological, or physical discomfort. When our lives are like that, we come to accept that life is difficult and…

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Emotional pain sucks. Sometimes, it's worse than physical pain. I’ve got some ways for you to reduce the amount and frequency of your emotional pain. I’ll share those at the end after sharing the ways I prolonged and increased my emotional pain before I got into…

One of the most important things that 12-step recovery taught me was acceptance: how to accept things I previously considered…

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What’s interesting to me is that when presented with the same set of circumstances, some people will feel envious whereas others will feel inspired.

For example, when some people hear that I’m in a loving, healthy romantic relationship that started when I was 55 and he was 60, they…

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So many of us try to step in and prevent or buffer those we love from experiencing the negative effects of their negative behaviors. If you do this once in a while, that’s fine. But if it’s a pattern, it’s unhealthy. Not only does it make it much more difficult for you, but it prevents the other person…

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If you’ve been giving advice to somebody over and over and over again and they never take it, this essay is for you. We do this in an effort to fix, rescue, and protect other people.

I was once told when I did this that I was “being helpful to be controlling.” I was aghast! I…

Photo Credit: Bernd Dittrich

If you want what you want when you want it, you’re not likely to be able to delay gratification. This often happens when you have a sense of urgency. This was particularly true for me when it came to relationships. When you have that feeling of urgency, you typically ignore the consequences of plowing…

Part 5 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations

Part 4 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations

Part 3 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations

Part 2 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations

The reason I’m doing this five-part series is that having unrealistic expectations has been the story of my life. Letting go of those expectations has been an enormous part of my recovery and something I continue to deal with. I almost wrote “struggle” with, but it’s not…

Part 1 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations

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One of the most disruptive patterns I discovered in early recovery was that I had…

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When I first heard the saying, “It's none of your business what other people think of you”, I had no idea what that meant. I seriously couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Every time I thought about that saying, it…

Photo Credit: Tim Mossholder

I believe I’ve always pretty much liked myself. But I realized in recovery that I didn’t really love myself, and I didn’t feel worthy. When I inventoried my life, I could see, “Those were not the behaviors of a woman who feels worthy and loves herself.” Learning to love myself has been one of the…

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Learning to love yourself is one of the most incredible gifts you can give yourself. In essence, treat yourself as if you are beloved, and you will be.

This is the second of my three-part series on how to love yourself. In case you missed the first one, here’s what the first five…

Photo Credit: Fellipe Ditadi

On a recent call with a private client, she said, “I am falling in love with myself!”

I cannot tell you how unbelievably awesome that makes me feel! My heart is swollen with pride and love that I get to shepherd her on her journey to self-love. Mind you, that was only after four weeks of working…

Photo Credit: Ozkan Guner

The concept of willingness is something we talk about frequently in recovery. We say if you’re willing, you can make it through just about anything.” But just because you’re willing to do something doesn’t mean you want to do that thing.

I am willing to have the…