Photo Credit: Andrej Lisakov

The most important thing that enabled me to go from 50+ years of having no boundaries to having healthy boundaries was this: I made the shift from being super concerned with what others think of me to becoming more…

It used to be that when things would happen I’d decide, “It means this.” This was especially true of negative things, but sometimes also true of good things. I’d place a meaning on something and then continue on with my life as if that meaning was the absolute and eternal truth. Recovery taught me that frequently, I…

I know sometimes people gag when they hear the term “affirmations.” I get it. You can’t just sit around saying “I’m rich” and get rich. That’s not what affirmations are for. They’re for clearing up the negative stuff that’s often swirling in the background of our minds – often for decades.…

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Mentoring has been practiced for millennia. It’s a fantastic way to build community, groom new leaders, forge ties between various groups, pass on institutional knowledge and culture, and feel connected to others. I’ve…

The incident that landed me in a 12-step recovery was that I hit a codependent bottom. It happened as a result of inviting my homeless friend Dan from church to stay overnight at my home during a really heavy snowstorm in January 2015. He accepted my invitation, of course. Then he stayed another time and…

Reflecting on my journey through the 12 steps of recovery, I can see that I previously expected the world and the people in it to meet my needs. I mean for things like validation, love, and acceptance. That seems pretty normal. But what I’ve learned is that if I give those things to myself first, I don’t go to the…

Photo Credit: Marcus Aurelius

This is the third part of my three-part series on my most important tools for life, which is learning to keep the focus on myself. If you missed the previous two,…

Photo Credit: Nini form Paris

This is part two of my series about the top three tools for managing life that I gained from 12-step recovery. If you missed part one of “Mastering the Art of Pausing” you can…

Photo Credit: Gary Barnes

This is part one of my series about the top three tools I learned about in 12-step recovery. Mind you, I have an entire tool shed of tools now, thanks to recovery. But these three have…

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Since doing the 12-step recovery, I now have the ability to look back at my life before recovery and see it with crystal clarity in a way that was just not possible before. I’m frequently able to look back at various situations and see: here's what I was…

Photo Credit: Jair Medina Nossa

Seek and ye shall find. We all know this is true. When we look for happy joyful things, we find them. When we look for evidence that there is evil all around us, we find it. Same world, but our lens is different.

This is…

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In my boundaries coaching business, I coach some pretty high-powered women. There's an enormous toll on them personally, professionally, physically, psychologically, emotionally and financially. There are many factors that lead to this, but it’s mainly because…

Photo Credit: Ashlyn Ciara

We have certain instincts that we’re born with. They’re natural and are supposed to be there. These are things like security, self-esteem, and personal relationships. But what happens for many of us is that these…

Photo Credit: Andrej Lisakov

Yesterday a client told me her soon-to-be ex-wife called her “juvenile.” I wrote back “projection.” This was in response to my client asking to have their child’s car seat set up in her ex’s car according to the safety…

Photo Credit: Andrej Lisakov

Spoiler alert! People usually get offended when you set boundaries with them because they don't have healthy boundaries themselves!! That means if you're getting offended when other…

Photo Credit: Ava Sol

I’ve always thought of myself as a very positive and optimistic person. When I got into recovery, I realized that I had a lot of negative thinking. Sometimes, it was ruminating about the past, but more often it was catastrophizing about the future.…

Photo Credit: Priscilla Du Preez and Sage Friedman

For some reason, most of the people I work with are super concerned about not being selfish. People (especially women) act like being selfish is one of the…

Photo Credit: Patrick Tomasso

When I went through the process to stop gossiping, I realized a lot of things about myself. The realization that I gossiped was pretty astonishing, but there was so much more! Among other things, I realized…

• I was…

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If you’ve ever felt like you keep trying to get to balance but are not able to get there because you keep getting thrown off, this essay is for you.

When we think about balance in our lives, we tend to think it means getting to a certain state or set of…

Photo Credit: Uday Mittal

One of the insights I gained early in my recovery journey was that I'd been expecting people to read my mind my whole life—well, at least subconsciously. If you had asked me, "Are you expecting people to read your mind?" I probably would have said no.

As I talked with others on my recovery journey with…