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How and Why to Transform Your Life Through Curiosity and Positive Questions

Photo Credit: Jair Medina Nossa

Seek and ye shall find. We all know this is true. When we look for happy joyful things, we find them. When we look for evidence that there is evil all around us, we find it. Same world, but our lens is different.


This is why it’s so important to ask ourselves constructive questions that build us up instead of destructive questions that tear us down. What I like to say is, “Ask a shitty question, get a shitty answer. Ask good questions, get good answers.”

For example, if you say, “WTF is wrong with me?” you’ll automatically start looking for all of the things that are wrong with you. And of course, you’ll find things that are wrong with you! But if instead, you ask, “Why am I so awesome?!” you'll start seeking all the reasons you're awesome. Maybe you'll even start asking other people, “What do you think makes me awesome?”

People in recovery and my coaching clients frequently ask “WFT is wrong with me?” or “Why do I keep doing this?” and it breaks my heart to hear all these lovely people (who often have no idea how lovely they are) berate themselves and constantly look for evidence of why they’re such a piece of shit.

My goal is to help you find evidence of why you’re so awesome!

I don’t care who you are, what you’ve done or not done, who you’ve hurt or harmed, you ARE awesome. You are here for a reason, and that reason is NOT to beat the shit out of yourself. It’s to bring your awesomeness to the world.

If you’ve been beating the shit out of yourself for years, here’s my question:

How’s that working for you?

It’s not, is it?

Beating yourself up ends up with you being battered and bruised, which is no place from which to grow and change. It does not lead to self-improvement. So stop it. Stop asking, “WTF is wrong with me?” or “Why am I so stupid?” These types of questions are demoralizing and beat us down. So let's get curious instead of self-deprecating. Curiosity is neutral.

Below is some guidance for asking constructive questions as well as some examples. One of my clients recently told me that these types of questions are called Ask-firmations. That is, they’re affirmations in the form of a question, which gets your subconscious mind “on the job” of seeking answers to these awesome questions. I’ve also heard them called “Lofty Questions” by Vishen Lakhiani, the Founder of Mind Valley. If anyone knows something about how to improve your life, it’s Vishen!

These types of questions lead to something good that can actually help you construct a better life rather than destructive questions that could destroy your life. It starts with curiosity and wonder. If there are things you’re not doing that you wish you were doing, those are good things to ask yourself about. 

Here are a couple of examples:

“Why do I always get along so well with my colleagues?”

“Why do I always know just what to say at the right time?”

These are much better questions than the destructive, judgmental questions we often ask ourselves like, “Why is he always such a jerk?” or “How come I never know what to say until after the fact???”

If it seems impossible for you to come up with questions for yourself, you’re in luck!! I created a free audio of 15 Ask-firmations that are geared toward people who are looking to improve their boundaries and boundaries-adjacent related issues. I pause briefly between each Ask-firmation to allow your mind time to fill in the blank space. I encourage you to play this often if it feels helpful.

Remember: seek and ye shall find.

Don’t forget to listen to the free audio here.

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