GNH Community

Community, Nonprofits and Businesses sharing Information

Why Your Own Opinion of Yourself Matters and How To Improve It

Photo Credit: Vanessa Kintaudi

This is, by far, the most important thing that enabled me to go from having no boundaries for 50-something years to building healthy boundaries:

I came to care more about what *I* think of me than what other people think of me.

That doesn't mean I don't care at all what others think of me. Of course, I want others' approval. I just make sure I have my own approval first!

Here’s what I mean by that. I used to be so focused on others’ opinions of me, that I didn’t really give much thought to my opinion of myself. I threw my integrity out the window by saying yes to things I didn't want to do because I cared so much about what other people thought of me. That’s called being dishonest. I didn't understand that at the time, however. I see now that I wanted people’s approval and I didn’t want them to think I was a bad person. To me, that meant someone who says “no” or is unhelpful. What I thought at the time was that I was “nice” and that’s why I was so helpful all the time.

Recovery got me to see that my helpfulness was more about appearing helpful than about actually being helpful. It’s not that I didn’t want to be helpful, it’s just that when I really examined my motives, it was the perception of being helpful that was more important.

That means I’d lie and say yes when I wanted to say no. I’d say no to things I really wanted to do, either because I was afraid others would judge me (i.e., I cared more about their opinion of me than my own opinion of me) or I didn’t have time to do things I really wanted because I was over-committed doing things for others. This got me feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and with a sense of urgency all the time because I was so involved in a bunch of other people’s lives rather than just my own life. Building healthy boundaries was the most important thing I did to stop my people-pleasing ways.

Once I’d gotten pretty good with boundaries, I realized that to know when and where to set my boundaries was by knowing what was important to me. That is, by getting clear on what my values are. That way, I could set boundaries in such a way that I lived in alignment with my values: I more frequently said yes to things that light me up, which meant it became much easier to say no to things that don't. This is why I start all my coaching clients off with the process of determining their top five values. It’s really helpful to know that before building boundaries.

Living in alignment with my values really shored up my integrity with myself. Before I was really fixated on being in integrity with others, but not with myself! Once I got into alignment with my values (i.e., into integrity with myself), I started to feel a lot better about myself and my life. Who wouldn’t enjoy their life more when they’re doing things that light them up and being in integrity with themselves?!

When you’re in alignment with your values, no longer doing things that drain you, and your life lights you up, then it’s a lot easier to like and love yourself. And it becomes much easier to stand up for yourself when you like yourself. It’s difficult to live your life on purpose when you don’t really like yourself or think you’re worthy.

So when I say, “I've come to care more what I think of me than what other people think of me” it means that I care more about being an honest woman of integrity than I do about getting the approval of others. I’m no longer willing to throw my personal integrity out the window for the chance to get someone’s approval.

For most blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Views: 20

Comment

You need to be a member of GNH Community to add comments!

Join GNH Community

Welcome (Bienvenido, Benvenuto, Powitanie, Bonjour! Willkomme,歡迎, ברוךהבא أهلا وسهلا, Bonvenon) to GNH Community. Traducción de esta página

Si no habla inglés, puede
leer el contenido de este sitio
web haciendo clic en
"Select language" arriba y
eligiendo "Spanish".
El contenido, excepto los
archivos adjuntos, aparecerán en español.

~

Non-English speaking residents can read the content of this website by clicking on "Select Language" above and picking their preferred language. Once a language is selected all content with the exception of attachments will appear in that language.

OPPORTUNITY + EQUITY

Imagine. Inform. Invest. Inspire. Working together to build a stronger community - now and forever.

The Community Foundation office at 70 Audubon Street is open to visitors by appointment only; Foundation staff are available by phone and email Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. to conduct business or to schedule a time to visit. To contact a staff member, view our staff directory.

 

 

 

Open Street Project

An Open Streets Family Reunion: Reflections from the 2018 Open Streets Summit

By Ryan O’Connor, Director of Programs, 8 80 Cities Recently 8 80 Cities wrote a blog post about open streets being a labour of love. That being the case, the 2018 Open Streets Summit in New Orleans felt like a family reunion of sorts. It was rejuvenating to see old and new friends who share our passion for open streets and are working tirelessly to create healthier, happier, and more connected communities across the world. The event, which took place on September 15-16, brought together more than 50 leaders who currently organize open streets programs or are interested in bringing the...

The post An Open Streets Family Reunion: Reflections from the 2018 Open Streets Summit appeared first on Open Streets Project.

Open Streets Summit Draft Agenda

We hope you are getting ready and feel excited about the Open Streets Summit in Gretna/New Orleans! Taking place from September 15-16, 2018, the Summit will feature tours, presentations and networking opportunities with open streets champions and organizers from across the continent. Attendees will learn about the nuts and bolts of starting or scaling up open streets programs, including: Route design and planning Partnerships with business and officials Social inclusion Safety and logistics Marketing and promotion Program evaluation through measurable goals and metrics If you haven’t done it yet, click here to register for the Open Streets Summit only or...

The post Open Streets Summit Draft Agenda appeared first on Open Streets Project.

Open Streets Summit Speakers Announced!

The Open Streets Project is proud to announce that Ed Solis from Viva Calle (San Jose, CA), Romel Pascual from CicLAvia (Los Angeles, CA), Jaymie Santiago and Charles Brown from New Brunswick Ciclovia will join us as speakers for the 2018 Open Streets Summit in New Orleans and Gretna! Taking place from September 15-16 2018, the Summit will feature: Behind the scenes tour of the City of Gretna’s inaugural open streets program. Workshops, presentations, and networking opportunities with open streets champions and organizers from across the continent. Training and inspiration for both -novice and experienced- open streets organizers and supporters...

The post Open Streets Summit Speakers Announced! appeared first on Open Streets Project.

Local Initiatives Support Corporation

Diving into the Deep, Hard + Imperative Work of Community Violence Intervention

As part of its partnership with the Department of Justice, LISC s supports practitioners and policy makers with best practices and overcoming challenges facing community violence intervention (CVI) work in American communities. An article from the National Criminal Justice Association highlights the many voices represented during a recent webinar for nearly 1,000 attendees, led by on-the-ground experts in violence intervention, researchers and DOJ leaders. The webinar is now part of a robust online resource center hosted by LISC and the DOJ’s Community Violence Intervention and Prevention Initiative.

Talking Financial Stability With LISC CEO Michael T. Pugh

In a wide-ranging radio interview with Audacy's On the Block 94.7, LISC CEO Michael T. Pugh unpacks the ways CDFIs, from the most local to the largest, are so well poised to support financial mobility. He also praises the role of good financial advice, and forecasts how AI can create alternative methods for building credit.

Empowering Agriculture: A Black-Owned Grain Storage Facility Marks New Era in Mississippi Delta Farming

Delta Diamond Ag stores and handles grains, a critical service for helping farmers bring their crops successfully to market. With a $500,000 loan from LISC’s Black Economic Development Fund, this rare African-American-owned facility is poised to change agriculture in the Delta. In recognition of Black History Month, we’re sharing this conversation with CEO Leigh Allen about how the company can serve area growers and the larger community, the importance of African-American representation in the agricultural supply chain, and his own deep affection for Delta farming.

© 2024   Created by Lee Cruz.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service