I once had a conversation with a sponsee who was sitting with a knot in her stomach. That conversation has stuck with me for years, and I’ve used it in coaching sessions with my clients.
She’d gifted a significant amount of money to one of her adult children. Her older child had always been financially independent. Paid their own way through college. Came up with their own down payment. Never needed rescuing.
Her younger child had a very different history, including mental health issues. Over the years, my sponsee spent a lot of money getting the younger child out of trouble. Bailing them out. Saving them. Trying to help.
What she was worried about wasn’t the money itself.
It was this question: What happens if my younger child finds out I gifted the money to their sibling?
That question opened the door to a conversation that feels especially important when we’re talking about romantic relationships too. The difference between privacy and secrecy.
At first glance, they can look the same. Both involve not telling someone everything. But emotionally, they come from very different places.
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