How to Break Free from Suffering By Lowering Your Expectations and Gain Serenity

[Barb Nangle]

Part 4 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations

Photo Credit: Thomas Serer

If she continues to have the expectation that communication will flow back and forth in organizations she’s involved in, and it's not happening, then that tells her where her boundary goes. Maybe she needs to leave. If that’s not something she’s willing to consider, and she continues to suffer, then she gets to change her expectations.

She gets to face that these people don't communicate well. But that doesn't mean she can't communicate well. She doesn’t have to change her expectations for herself. She can keep the flow of information going to them, knowing that they suck at communicating.

It’s really hard to know what the RIGHT thing is here. Maybe the organization is a well-oiled machine, and she just doesn’t have the hang of it yet. Or maybe she’s not communicating with the right person. Or, maybe she’s right, and they DO suck at communicating!

But the fact remains, they’re not communicating in ways that work for her. And she can’t change that, and it’s causing her to suffer. So… if she wants her suffering to end - if you want your suffering to end - you can choose to lower your expectation. Or you can decide, “This is not the right place for me,” and leave. Whatever you decide, know that if you’re suffering, only you have the ability to change that.

This is another example of how important it is to keep the focus on yourself. What are you doing or believing in a situation that is causing you difficulty? What’s your part? This was the greatest gift of my recovery - understanding my part and things. For many of the difficulties in my life “my part” was having unrealistic expectations.

Maybe in your situation, having unrealistic expectations of the people, places, things and institutions around you is causing suffering. It’s not what’s happening that’s causing your suffering, it’s not the circumstances that are causing suffering, it’s the expectation that there SHOULD be something different happening.

Keep the focus on yourself. That's where your lever for change is. It’s only within you. And maybe that lever is to lower your expectations.

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