GNH Community

Community, Nonprofits and Businesses sharing Information

Healthy Recovery IRL - A Case Study in Nurturing, Affirming, and Setting Boundaries

photo credit: Kyle Nieber

One afternoon at the beach nearby, I happened to sit next to a couple of women who were just bitching up a storm. Before recovery, I would have stayed there and been pissed off that these assholes were sitting next to me. It would never have occurred to me to get up and leave.


BTW, that’s called victim mentality—when we feel like we have no choice other than to put up with stuff.


Instead of listening to those women bitch and complain, I moved. Here's where my Higher Power rewarded me for having the “courage to change the things I can,” as the serenity prayer says: I sat near a young mom with her two little kids and a friend. I witnessed some of the most incredible parenting I had ever seen in my life.

Through my recovery journey, especially the reparenting aspect of it, I learned that healthy parents nurture, affirm, and set boundaries with their children. That was precisely what this young mom was doing!


She was nurturing her two and four-year-old by speaking very lovingly to them and continually referring to them with loving names like sweetie, honey, baby, and darling.

She set boundaries by saying to her four-year-old, who was playing by the water, “In about 15 minutes, we're going to go home and have lunch.” Then she gave the child a 10-minute and a 5-minute warning. When it was time to go, the kid threw a fit.

She affirmed the child by saying, “I know. You’re having so much fun. We're going to come back later, but it's time to go home for lunch, so we're going to go now.”


The child continued to throw a fit, and she said, "Yeah, I hear you. You're having so much fun, and it's really difficult to leave when you're having fun. But we're going to come back later. Right now, we're going to go home and have lunch.”


I was so flabbergasted by this beautiful display of healthy parenting that I took notes! I wanted to capture what she was saying so I could remember it for my own reparenting journey.


When she acknowledged that her child was having so much fun and that it's hard to leave when you're having fun, she was affirming that child's feelings. That’s what most of us want, especially children. When she set boundaries by staying firm to the deadline for when to go home and have lunch, she also added some hope by giving them something to look forward to by saying, “We're going to come back later.”


As they got up to leave, I walked over to her and told her that I’d been listening to her interacting with her children and that she’s a fantastic parent. I told her how I’d grown up in a dysfunctional family and didn't hear things like what she said to her children.

I told her about what I’d learned about healthy parenting through my recovery—that healthy parents nurture, affirm, and set boundaries with their children—and that she just gave really perfect examples of that.

Her friend agreed that she is an amazing parent, and the mom got tears in her eyes. She was extremely grateful and said, “This means so much because I often wonder if I'm doing and saying the right things.” I told her she absolutely was!

I said, “The most important thing I think you did was validate your child's feelings.” I didn’t get that as a child, and it’s affected me deeply. I also mentioned the importance of letting them know that you're in charge by setting the boundary about going home for lunch.


I’ve carried that encounter with me for years. It’s a perfect example of recovery in action. If you’re sitting in the chaos, drama, or negativity that’s going on around you, get up and leave! You don’t have to stay there and be victimized by the situation or by your thoughts about the situation. You just might get rewarded by a beautiful display of what healthy relationships look like, so you can use that as a model for your relationships.

For most blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Views: 26

Comment

You need to be a member of GNH Community to add comments!

Join GNH Community

Welcome (Bienvenido, Benvenuto, Powitanie, Bonjour! Willkomme,歡迎, ברוךהבא أهلا وسهلا, Bonvenon) to GNH Community. Traducción de esta página

Si no habla inglés, puede
leer el contenido de este sitio
web haciendo clic en
"Select language" arriba y
eligiendo "Spanish".
El contenido, excepto los
archivos adjuntos, aparecerán en español.

~

Non-English speaking residents can read the content of this website by clicking on "Select Language" above and picking their preferred language. Once a language is selected all content with the exception of attachments will appear in that language.

OPPORTUNITY + EQUITY

Imagine. Inform. Invest. Inspire. Working together to build a stronger community - now and forever.

The Community Foundation office at 70 Audubon Street is open to visitors by appointment only; Foundation staff are available by phone and email Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. to conduct business or to schedule a time to visit. To contact a staff member, view our staff directory.

 

 

 

Open Street Project

An Open Streets Family Reunion: Reflections from the 2018 Open Streets Summit

By Ryan O’Connor, Director of Programs, 8 80 Cities Recently 8 80 Cities wrote a blog post about open streets being a labour of love. That being the case, the 2018 Open Streets Summit in New Orleans felt like a family reunion of sorts. It was rejuvenating to see old and new friends who share our passion for open streets and are working tirelessly to create healthier, happier, and more connected communities across the world. The event, which took place on September 15-16, brought together more than 50 leaders who currently organize open streets programs or are interested in bringing the...

The post An Open Streets Family Reunion: Reflections from the 2018 Open Streets Summit appeared first on Open Streets Project.

Open Streets Summit Draft Agenda

We hope you are getting ready and feel excited about the Open Streets Summit in Gretna/New Orleans! Taking place from September 15-16, 2018, the Summit will feature tours, presentations and networking opportunities with open streets champions and organizers from across the continent. Attendees will learn about the nuts and bolts of starting or scaling up open streets programs, including: Route design and planning Partnerships with business and officials Social inclusion Safety and logistics Marketing and promotion Program evaluation through measurable goals and metrics If you haven’t done it yet, click here to register for the Open Streets Summit only or...

The post Open Streets Summit Draft Agenda appeared first on Open Streets Project.

Open Streets Summit Speakers Announced!

The Open Streets Project is proud to announce that Ed Solis from Viva Calle (San Jose, CA), Romel Pascual from CicLAvia (Los Angeles, CA), Jaymie Santiago and Charles Brown from New Brunswick Ciclovia will join us as speakers for the 2018 Open Streets Summit in New Orleans and Gretna! Taking place from September 15-16 2018, the Summit will feature: Behind the scenes tour of the City of Gretna’s inaugural open streets program. Workshops, presentations, and networking opportunities with open streets champions and organizers from across the continent. Training and inspiration for both -novice and experienced- open streets organizers and supporters...

The post Open Streets Summit Speakers Announced! appeared first on Open Streets Project.

Local Initiatives Support Corporation

Worth Magazine Names LISC CEO Michael T. Pugh to 2024 Worthy 100

Our President and CEO, Michael T. Pugh, was selected by Worth Magazine as one of its 2024 Worthy 100, an honor reserved for the top 100 leaders and innovators making the greatest impact on the world.

Holiday Greetings and Much Gratitude From All Of Us at LISC

We are grateful to the communities, partners, funders and staff who make our work possible. Thank you for all you do, this year, and every year.

2024 LISC Small Business Holiday Gift Guide

This holiday season, support LISC small business borrowers and find the perfect gift for everyone on your list! All of the businesses featured here have received LISC capital to acquire their location, hire new staff, or increase inventory to help their business grow.

© 2024   Created by Lee Cruz.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service