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Connecticut natives, fans of roadside attractions, and followers of Atlas Obscura have no doubt heard of Waterbury’s Holy Land USA. But not many have as intimate knowledge of the famed location as photographer Joy Bush. Since 1987, Bush has been photographing this folk art treasure, the result of which can be seen in RUINS OF A HOLY LAND, on exhibit at City Gallery from April 5 - April 28, with an Artist Reception Saturday, April 13, 2 p.m. to 5 p.m.

Holy Land USA was constructed under the direction of Waterbury attorney John Greco and dedicated in 1958. The complex had some 200 separate structures inspired by selected passages from the Bible. It officially closed in 1984, and became the property of a Roman Catholic religious order. In 2013, Mayor Neil O’Leary and car dealer Fred “Fritz” Balsius purchased Holy Land, announcing a plan to clean up and revitalize the site as part of a community effort. Today, it is overseen by Holy Land USA - Waterbury, a non-profit organization.

Bush first discovered Holy Land USA in 1977 when she saw the popular cross lit up on Waterbury’s Pine Hill. “It was ten years later that I made my first pilgrimage,” she says. What she discovered was an 18-acre tract of land devoted to a small-scale, homemade reproduction of Bethlehem. “Filled with objects that a folk artist would find irresistible, it was crude, sweet, and strange in ways that make familiar things exotic. At the same time, it had a peculiar and disquieting sense of spirituality that was impossible to dismiss. Holy Land has changed since then, falling into a state of elegant disrepair that only heightens its incongruity. Photographing it is much like embarking on an archeological dig in a place I’ve watched gradually slip away.”

Bush’s evolving collection of these photographs was featured in a solo exhibit at the Mattatuck Museum in Waterbury, and in the book Ruins of a Holy Land: Photographs by Joy Bush. Writing about it in Art New England, Stephen Kobasa said “To the particular melancholy of an abandoned amusement park she has brought the grieving clarity of a war photographer. Her work identifies these manufactured relics as examples of a sentimental history like those 18th-century English garden monuments built to look as if they had crumbled in place….What Bush identifies so well is the way in which the surviving wreckage of the place makes sense; she captures an unconscious intention that all this might well have been meant for a ruin, its power magnified by slow vanishing.” There will be approximately 30 images from Bush’s collection on view at City Gallery, with loose 8x10 prints for sale.

Bush’s photography work was featured in Unbeatable Women at the Lyman Allyn Art Museum (2022), and HOME VIEWS at the Griffin Museum of Photography in Massachusetts. (2021). Her photographs have appeared in The Village Voice, The New York Times, Connecticut Review, and many other publications. She has exhibited in solo and group exhibits, nationally and internationally, including shows at the International Center for Photography (NYC), Mattatuck Museum, Lyman Allyn Art Museum, Copley Society (Boston, MA), Drawing Rooms (NJ), Garrison Art Center (NY), Umbrella Arts (NYC), the Westport Arts Center, and Artspace (New Haven, CT). Bush is represented in the permanent collections of the Mattatuck Museum (Waterbury, CT), Cincinnati Art Museum, Monetfiore Hospital (Bronx, NY), the Baseball Hall of Fame, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Yale Medical Group Art Place, and many private collections. She is a member of City Gallery, and lives and works in the Greater New Haven area.

RUINS OF A HOLY LAND is free and open to the public. It will be on exhibit at City Gallery from April 5 - April 28, with an Artist Reception Saturday, April 13, 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. City Gallery is located at 994 State Street, New Haven, CT 06511. Gallery hours are Friday - Sunday, 12 p.m. - 4 p.m., or by appointment. For further information please contact City Gallery, info@city-gallery.org, www.city-gallery.org.

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Photo Credit: Malcolm Lightbody

What’s interesting to me is that when presented with the same set of circumstances, some people will feel envious whereas others will feel inspired.

For example, when some people hear that I’m in a loving, healthy romantic relationship that started when I was 55 and he was 60, they envy me. Others are inspired by me, especially if they know it’s my first healthy relationship ever.

Another example is in the recovery community when someone has a decade of long-term recovery. Some people envy them, and others are inspired by them.

This intrigues me, and I’ve set out to figure out what the difference is between seeing things like late-in-life healthy romance and long-term recovery as something to be envied vs. something to be inspired by.

I think the main difference is that those who are inspired believe it’s possible for them. Those who are envious do not believe it’s possible for them.

The envy-ers (I just made that word up!) believe there’s something so uniquely special about them that they cannot have what others have. That’s so sad.

So what’s that about?

A huge part of recovery is learning to change our perspectives. There's a lot of thought work involved in recovery because we have beliefs and thoughts about ourselves, other people, the world, and God that are just not true. Recovery (and coaching, btw!) help us unearth those beliefs, challenge them, and change them.

We change them when we realize they’re either not true or they’re just not serving us. That is, you believe that what’s possible for the person you envy is just not possible for you.

This is why perspective is so important. It’s so important that it permeates the way we do science. The reason we have double-blind scientific studies is that the perspective of the scientist affects the results of the experiments.

There’s also a theory by Thomas Kuhn that it’s almost always people who are new to a scientific field who come up with major discoveries. That’s because the people who've been in the field for a long time dismiss the evidence as not relevant or impossible. After all, they've been so immersed in the thinking of the field for so long. That means they can’t see what they can’t see. They’re unable to see things that are patently evident to people who are new to the field.

In other words, the more seasoned scientists have been believing things for so long that facts don’t matter to them.

That’s what was going on with me when I got into recovery. I believed things about myself and the world that were just not true. I have no doubt that there are things you believe that are just not true. The trick is to discover those things. So if you’re envious of something positive someone else has that you don’t, perhaps it's because, deep down, you don’t believe you can have it.

There's a saying by Henry Ford, and it's this:

“Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right.”

What that means is if you think you can't do something, you're not even going to try to do that thing. So you’re right, you can’t.

But if you think you can do something, then nobody can stop you. You’ll just keep trying different things until you accomplish what you set out to. And you’ll be right – you can do the thing.

This idea that we need to change our perspective is super important because we can't move forward toward the life we desire if we are not open to the idea that our perspective might be wrong.

If we keep thinking, “I can’t have what she has,” you’ll make yourself right by not taking any action to change things (like your beliefs, which guide your behaviors, which lead to your results, which confirm your beliefs). But if you’re open to the possibility that you COULD have what she has, then the possibilities are endless!

We have to be open-minded to the idea that there is something that we don't know, there’s something we haven't tried or some belief we have that’s holding us back.

When we envy someone instead of being inspired by them, the belief is likely that we think we can’t have what they have. It’s not possible for us. Whether it has to do with recovery or finally finding a deep, meaningful relationship, this is a false belief. It’s just not true.

Let's take a look at my particular situation. Until I got into recovery, I had a decades-long string of dysfunctional relationships behind me. Recovery helped me look at that and see that I had 28 different relationships. These included brief dating relationships all the way to people I lived with for years, one of whom I was engaged to. Yet it wasn't until my 29th relationship at the age of 55 that I finally got into a healthy fulfilling relationship.

Yet there are people who envy me because of my relationship as if they can’t have what I have. That belief cannot be based on the idea that there's something special about me if you look at the facts. We typically say, “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior,” so by that logic, the chances of me ever being in a healthy relationship are practically nil. Yet here I am, in a 5+ year loving, healthy relationship.

I’ve demonstrated very clearly that before recovery, I did not know how to have a healthy relationship. For decades!

The fact that I’m in one now shows that change is possible. And that includes changing your mind about what is possible.

There was much recovery that enabled me to change my deeply entrenched patterns of behavior so I could attract and maintain a healthy relationship. Building healthy boundaries has the biggest effect since boundaries permeate every area of your life (including what you think!). One of the things that attracted me most to my sweetheart was his healthy boundaries. He knows who he is, what’s okay with him, and what’s not. It’s a lot easier to be in a relationship with someone like that!

I guess what I’m saying here is that if I’ve changed, you can too. But it starts with believing it’s possible.

Now let's take a look at the people who hear about my relationship and see it as an inspiration, especially if they’re significantly younger than me. They may take the wisdom I share and think, “OK, I can do this. If I make the changes Barb suggests, then I too might be able to have a healthy romantic relationship.”

It is possible for you, dear reader.

Whether you think you can or you can’t, you're right!

For more blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Photo Credit: Getty Images

So many of us try to step in and prevent or buffer those we love from experiencing the negative effects of their negative behaviors. If you do this once in a while, that’s fine. But if it’s a pattern, it’s unhealthy. Not only does it make it much more difficult for you, but it prevents the other person from reaping the actual effects of their own negative behavior. They are highly unlikely to change their negative patterns if you keep jumping in and blocking them from the negative effects of their negative patterns. You’re blocking them from the natural consequences of their behavior.

Natural consequences are the inevitable result of a person's actions. That person created the result because of the actions they took. Natural consequences can be positive or negative. Most of us only leap in to prevent the negative ones though. Here are a couple of examples of both positive and negative natural consequences.

Positive: study for the exam, get a better grade

Negative: do not study for the exam, get a lower grade

Positive: arrive on time to work daily, get a good evaluation

Negative: arrive late for work regularly, get a poor evaluation

It’s often the loved ones of addicts who step in to prevent the addict from reaping the natural consequences of their negative behavior. If someone gets drunk and can’t get out of bed in the morning, their loved one might call their work to say they’re sick and clean up the mess they made the night before. The natural consequences of not getting out of bed or cleaning up after oneself would be that they get in trouble at work (or possibly fired) and they have to clean up their own mess. Those are their consequences, not yours. When we don’t allow them to feel the negative effects of their negative behavior, it’s less likely that they’ll change.

This behavior doesn’t just relate to addiction though. If a child waits until the last possible moment to work on a school project, a parent might leap in to rescue them by staying up all night helping them. The natural consequence of waiting until the last minute is that the child either doesn’t finish their project in time or does a really poor job. Those are the child’s consequences, not the parent’s. If the child knows their parent will always rescue them at the last minute, they have no impetus to work on their projects earlier.

Allowing natural consequences to occur does not mean we shame people for their negative behavior. It does mean letting them feel the discomfort of their own choices. Shaming people is never good. It’s not only cruel, it’s ineffective. Shame is one of the most difficult emotions for humans, so when you shame someone, they’re more likely to be defensive about their choice. It’s hard to learn when you’re feeling defensive and shameful. We want people to learn from the consequences of their behavior, and we’re not “ripe” for learning when defensive and shameful. 

When you don’t intervene between the negative behavior and the (natural) negative consequence, you help the person make the connection between their behavior, choices, and consequences. When no one intervenes, they reap the natural consequences of their own behavior. This gives them the opportunity to take control of their own lives. Just because you give somebody an opportunity, it doesn't mean they're going to take it! But if you never give them an opportunity, they won’t learn from their own mistakes.

It could be that they’ll blame you or someone else rather than take control over their life. But they’re definitely NOT going to take control when they’re living on an easy street without consequences for their behavior.

When you step out of the situation, you’re establishing healthy boundaries for yourself and you step out of enabling behavior. Enabling someone’s behavior is when we fix, solve, or make the consequences of their behavior go away. We enable them to continue in their dysfunction by making their lives easier for them because they don’t have to deal with any of the wreckage they’re creating. It takes away the teaching power of life experience. There's no downside to the person’s negative behavior when we enable them.

When we don’t enable people, their negative consequences are felt. These could be failing grades, missed social events, cold suppers, or puke-stained clothes. These can be powerful motivators for change.

When you buffer or protect people, you soften the outcomes or filter the results of their actions. You become the problem in their mind because they don't see or feel the results of their behavior. They see you nagging, bargaining, complaining, etc. They come to see your rescuing and fixing behaviors as something you owe them, not something you’ve gifted them. So YOU and your complaining become the negative consequences, and they think you’re the problem.

When they don't face consequences, there's no reason to change – and - you don't get peace. When you enable people, your interference can lead to the behavior you’re trying to reduce. So ask yourself if you’re supporting healthy or unhealthy behavior.

Natural consequences are doubly powerful when combined with positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement means things like praise for something well done. When we use both positive reinforcement and allow natural consequences, the person sees the connection between their behavior and the result. In other words, they get that they have an impact on their life and the world and that they matter. They learn from their mistakes.

For more blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

Early Head Start Director

We Love What Makes You Unique

Your perspective fuels our mission-driven work at United Way of Greater New Haven. We are committed to building a team that is inclusive across race, gender, age, religion, identity, and lived experience. As an organization, we are committed to addressing systemic racism and injustice in our community, our partnerships, and our practices. 

Who We Are Looking For

Are you committed to supporting infants and toddlers, their families, and the programs that serve them? Do you have deep knowledge of Early Head Start and/or Head Start requirements, and want to help community partners successfully incorporate Early Head Start services and systems into their early care and education programs? Do you have leadership and relationship-building skills and experience with connecting programs and services so they work more effectively?  Do you have a strong track record of working with the programmatic, financial, and data-related aspects of federal programs? If so, our Early Head Director position may be perfect for you.

What You Are Great At

• You are a strong Early Head Start/Head Start (EHS/HS) professional who has led a team. You are deeply familiar with the EHS/HS regulations and performance standards. You have experience supervising and supporting other staff to implement the various components of EHS/HS, and know how to monitor and support programs to ensure program quality.
• You are a detail-oriented planner who creates and thrives within systems. You relish creating and working to improve processes and systems and have experience in developing and running initiatives and programs related to early childhood. You know how to manage the details and logistics, while at the same time seeing how things connect to create a bigger whole.
• You are a strong communicator. You can convey your message clearly in writing and orally to a variety of audiences, including board members, partner staff, and parents.
• You’re a team player. The Early Head Director will report to the Vice President of Education and will work closely with other members of the Community Impact Team as well as external partners. While you are confident in your abilities and knowledge, you approach your work from a place of humility.

What You Will Do

• Ensure that Head Start Performance Standards are well‐known and supported and implemented across the program partners.
• Support and monitor EHS partners to ensure compliance with all Head Start and Early Head Start mandates, applicable laws, and regulations and assure that standards are being fully met.
• Conduct on-site visits to programs and plan and facilitate regular meetings with partners.
• Review documentation and data, including working within the program’s online database work closely with the VP of Education to staff the UWGNH EHS Board Committee.
• Supervise EHS staff and consultants.
• Manage all aspects of the EHS Policy Council, and Meet with the finance staff on a regular basis to review and revise the budget as necessary in addition to monitoring the budget as it relates to actual spending of Early Head Start funds.
• Work with local partners to expand services and supports available to EHS families
• Lead an annual self-assessment process for the program and develop annual plans for improvement; ensure that a community needs assessment is conducted as required.
• Recommend and implement changes as needed in program design, administration procedures, etc. as they affect program performance.
• Prepare and submit for approval necessary programmatic reports, forms, etc. as required by Federal, state, and local regulations.
• Establish and maintain partnerships with funding sources, other state and local agencies, organizations, groups, etc. as they relate to programmatic activities.
• Plan and coordinate shared governance training for Policy Council and Board of Directors as required.
• Plan, coordinate, develop, and implement annual refunding application.

What You Need

• Minimum of a Bachelor’s degree in early childhood development or other relevant field.
• Three to five years’ experience as a Head Start/Early Head Start Director of a small program, or significant senior management experience within a large Head Start/Early Head Start program.
• Substantive knowledge about the early childhood landscape in Connecticut and Early Head Start/Head Start.
• Strong written and oral communication skills.
• A successful track record in setting priorities, and keen analytical, organizational, and problem-solving skills which support and enable sound decision making.
• Excellent relationship building skills with an ability to prioritize, negotiate, and work with a variety of internal and external stakeholders.
• Experience working with government grants a plus.
• Experience in grant writing and managing budgets.
• Proficient with MS Office365 and demonstrated comfort in learning new software/ online tools as needed.
• Ability to work with diverse staff and volunteers.
• Personal qualities of integrity, credibility, and dedication to the mission of UWGNH. 
• Valid driver's license and reliable transportation required.

About United Way

United Way of Greater New Haven brings people and organizations together to create solutions to Greater New Haven’s most pressing challenges in the areas of Education, Health, and Financial Stability grounded in racial and social justice. We tackle issues that cannot be solved by any one group working alone. We operate according to these organizational values.

In accordance with organizational policies, this position requires a criminal background check as a condition of employment.

United Way staff are currently working hybrid, with at least two days per week in our office in New Haven.  This is a full-time position; the salary range for this position is $85,000 - $90,000.

United Way is an Equal Opportunity Employer.

Don’t check off every box in the requirements listed above? Please apply anyway! Studies have shown that marginalized communities - such as women, LGBTQ+ and people of color - are less likely to apply to jobs unless they meet every single qualification. United Way of Greater New Haven is dedicated to building an inclusive, diverse, equitable, and accessible workplace that fosters a sense of belonging – so if you’re excited about this role but your past experience doesn’t align perfectly with every qualification in the job description, we encourage you to still consider submitting an application. You may be just the right candidate for this role or another one of our openings!

To Apply: Careers | United Way of Greater New Haven (uwgnh.org)

dae is currently accepting applications for our 6-Week Tech Creators Program! This program is open and cost-free to 9-12th graders who attend New Haven Public Schools. In the program students get hands on experience working on Web Development, Video Game Design and Internet-of-Things. They come away with completed projects that can easily be shared with college admissions offices and potential employers.

Our first session just started but students are still welcome to join! It will run until April 11th. Our second session will run from April 23rd until May 30th. We meet Tuesday-Thursday from 3:00-6:30pm. We are conveniently located at 770 Chapel Street in downtown New Haven (two blocks from the Green and central bus hub).

Students can apply here: mydae.co/6week

Flyer for the program is here:

6-Week%20Flyer_v3.pdf

Photo Credit: Ephraim Mayrena

If you’ve been giving advice to somebody over and over and over again and they never take it, this essay is for you. We do this in an effort to fix, rescue, and protect other people.

I was once told when I did this that I was “being helpful to be controlling.” I was aghast! I thought, “I’m just trying to help!”

If you find yourself saying that, it’s a clue that you also might be being helpful to be controlling. That is, you want things to be done your way. You’re “helping” so that things will go your way.

Stop it!

Here's an example of what it looks like when I’m being helpful to be controlling. I was in a group of people who needed access to a building that shifted from having door codes to keys. I volunteered to be the liaison between the building owners and the group. It was brought to my attention by one of the group members that they didn't ask for my help with the building folks.

They said I was being helpful to be controlling.

At first, I was pissed that they said that, but as I thought about it, I realized that it was true. I wanted a few things to go my way: I wanted my group to appear organized to the building owners, and I wanted to make sure my group was doing things “the right way” (i.e., Barb’s way).

I wanted them to pick up all the keys at once because I was trying to save the building people the trouble of having to interface with all those different people from my group. Meanwhile, they never asked for that. It wasn’t my place to “protect” them from having to deal with all those different parties.

One way I try to keep an eye on this behavior is by asking myself “Was I helpful to be controlling today?” in my nightly inventory. It’s very difficult for me to control this behavior of mine, but keeping it on my inventory makes it more likely that I’ll spot it. 

I’ve had decades of acting like it’s my job to be the bumper on the car of someone’s life.

You don’t have to do that. You can put the energy you’ve been putting into fixing, rescuing, saving, and protecting others into your own life. Instead of focusing on what's going on in others’ lives, you can learn to keep the focus on yourself.

As the serenity prayer says, we need “the wisdom to know the difference between what we can and cannot change.” You can't change other people, but you can change yourself. If you’re too busy working on everybody else, you won’t have any energy to change yourself!

Ironically, that’s one of the reasons we do all fixing and rescuing - to keep the focus off ourselves! That way, we don’t have to look at our own problems. There are other reasons as well. We feel like we have to help others, it doesn’t feel like a choice. That’s called a compulsion. We’ve internalized the message good people help others. And that’s true, but they don't rescue and save other people. There’s a difference between being helpful and rescuing. A good indicator of being the difference is that when you’re being just plain helpful, the other person is meeting you halfway, and you're less invested in the outcome than they are. 

One way to determine if you’re being helpful vs. rescuing someone is to ask “What are my motives?” Why are you helping them?

One of the ways I was helpful to be controlling was by trying to control what others thought of me. I wanted them to like me, think good things about me, and think I was nice. But I now know it’s not up to me what others think of me.

We’ve been told that it’s selfish to take care of ourselves. B.S.! If you want to have a well-lived life, you must take care of yourself. Stop trying to pour from an empty cup. Pour from the overflow. And the only way to have overflow is if you fill your cup first. That’s not selfish, it’s selfless. Because you’ll no longer be seeking to get your needs met by the world when you’ve met them yourself. You won’t be trying to extract love and affirmation from others when you give it to yourself.

For more blog posts like this go to FridayFragments.news

OPEN POSITION 

VOLUNTEER ADMINISTRATOR

Full-time; Sunday - Thursday.  Open until filled. 

Downtown Evening Soup Kitchen (DESK) seeks a friendly, dedicated, and outgoing community organizer to oversee DESK’s 2,000+ volunteer corps, consisting of a range of individuals and groups from across Greater New Haven and beyond.  Appropriate candidates will be very social, highly organized, upbeat and energetic, extremely professional, and sensitive to the strains of homelessness and poverty; the successful candidate will also be versed in a variety of communication media (online, oral, witten) and will be very approachable, completely at ease working among a cross-section of New Haven’s community.  Preference given to local residents and those who are Spanish-proficient.

Mission & Background Information

DESK serves people experiencing homelessness or living in poverty by providing food assistance and services that promote health, community, and equity.  We are located in Downtown New Haven, just off the Green, where we serve a nightly dinner, offer whole food items through a weekly food pantry, and serve unhoused individuals through New Haven’s only low-barrier Downtown Drop-in & Resource Center.  As DESK continues to build a diverse and inclusive organization, we eagerly consider candidates with diverse work experiences and personal backgrounds.  Candidates are encouraged to use the cover letter to highlight how their background will contribute to a more equitable workplace.  For more information on our programs, history, and vision, visit us online at deskct.org.

Core Responsibilities

• Community Organizing  –  The Volunteer Administrator is, at heart, a community organizer, coordinating and scheduling the activities of DESK’s volunteers, including their onsite work and third-party support efforts.
• Outreach & Recruitment  – The Volunteer Administrator conducts outreach and recruitment efforts.
• Logistics Administration – The Volunteer Administrator uses our web-based volunteer management system to schedule volunteer activities, coordinate volunteers, register volunteers, track their hours, and communicate. 
• Onboarding  – The Volunteer Administrator orients volunteers ahead of their first shift and works with program staff to develop onboarding materials and engagement.
• Onsite Coordination  –  Although most onsite coordination is carried out by Program staff, the Volunteer Administrator ensures that they are effectively managed, treated courteously and appropriately, are working in a safe and healthy environment, and receive the proper level of supervision.
• Appreciation – The Volunteer Administrator works with the Development Director and other staff to carry out volunteer appreciation activities and events.
• Client Competency – The Volunteer Administrator works with Program staff to engender a greater sense of empathy and understanding toward the issues faced by those DESK serves on behalf of every volunteer.

Compensation

Starting hourly rate will be $19.57 - $22.32, based on experience, background, and start-date.  Health insurance, life insurance, and generous PTO.

How to Apply

Candidates should email a cover letter and résumé to hr@deskct.org with “Volunteer Administrator Application” in the subject line.  

DESK is an equal opportunity employer who affirms and values greatly the role of diversity in the workplace and strongly encourages applications from people of all backgrounds and lifestyles.