I had a conversation with a newcomer in recovery recently that landed like a perfect case study for romantic relationships. It was one of those moments where two lessons I teach all the time showed up in real life, fully formed.
Those lessons are:
- Let go of your expectations of others and meet your own needs.
- Stop making things mean things that they don’t.
Here’s the situation.
She and her boyfriend recently broke up and decided to try again. As part of that, she’s sometimes staying over on weekends in the home they used to share.
One of the problems they’ve always had is that even when they lived together, they didn’t actually spend much quality time together. Life got filled with logistics. Chores. Managing the household. There wasn’t much romance, and there wasn’t much attention paid to the relationship itself.
And no relationship survives long term without attention, affection, and care.
But there’s one issue that keeps coming up over and over:
The bathroom.
She wants him to clean it. Not just clean it, but clean it to her standards. And not just clean it, but want to clean it.
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