Featured Blog Posts - GNH Community2024-03-19T02:40:12Zhttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profiles/blog/feed?promoted=1&xn_auth=noJob Opportunity in Early Head Start!tag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-03-07:3365802:BlogPost:2095522024-03-07T13:59:04.000ZKathleen Norwood Crisafihttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/KathleenNorwoodCrisafi
<p><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><strong>Early Head Start Director</strong></span></p>
<p><strong> </strong><strong> </strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong>We Love What Makes You Unique</strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Your perspective fuels our mission-driven work at United Way of Greater New Haven. We are committed to building a team that is inclusive across race, gender, age, religion, identity, and lived experience. As an organization, we are…</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><strong>Early Head Start Director</strong></span></p>
<p><strong> </strong><strong> </strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong>We Love What Makes You Unique</strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Your perspective fuels our mission-driven work at United Way of Greater New Haven. We are committed to building a team that is inclusive across race, gender, age, religion, identity, and lived experience. As an organization, we are <a href="https://www.uwgnh.org/equity-statement">committed</a> to addressing systemic racism and injustice in our community, our partnerships, and our practices. </span></p>
<p></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong>Who We Are Looking For</strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Are you committed to supporting infants and toddlers, their families, and the programs that serve them? Do you have deep knowledge of Early Head Start and/or Head Start requirements, and want to help community partners successfully incorporate Early Head Start services and systems into their early care and education programs? Do you have leadership and relationship-building skills and experience with connecting programs and services so they work more effectively? Do you have a strong track record of working with the programmatic, financial, and data-related aspects of federal programs? If so, our Early Head Director position may be perfect for you.</span></p>
<p></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong>What You Are Great At</strong></span></p>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong>You are a strong Early Head Start/Head Start (EHS/HS) professional who has led a team</strong>. You are deeply familiar with the EHS/HS regulations and performance standards. You have experience supervising and supporting other staff to implement the various components of EHS/HS, and know how to monitor and support programs to ensure program quality.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong>You are a detail-oriented planner who creates and thrives within systems.</strong> You relish creating and working to improve processes and systems and have experience in developing and running initiatives and programs related to early childhood. You know how to manage the details and logistics, while at the same time seeing how things connect to create a bigger whole.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong>You are a strong communicator.</strong> You can convey your message clearly in writing and orally to a variety of audiences, including board members, partner staff, and parents.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong>You’re a team player.</strong> The Early Head Director will report to the Vice President of Education and will work closely with other members of the Community Impact Team as well as external partners. While you are confident in your abilities and knowledge, you approach your work from a place of humility.</span></li>
</ul>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong> </strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong>What You Will Do</strong></span></p>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Ensure that Head Start Performance Standards are well‐known and supported and implemented across the program partners.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Support and monitor EHS partners to ensure compliance with all Head Start and Early Head Start mandates, applicable laws, and regulations and assure that standards are being fully met.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Conduct on-site visits to programs and plan and facilitate regular meetings with partners.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Review documentation and data, including working within the program’s online database work closely with the VP of Education to staff the UWGNH EHS Board Committee.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Supervise EHS staff and consultants.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Manage all aspects of the EHS Policy Council, and </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Meet with the finance staff on a regular basis to review and revise the budget as necessary in addition to monitoring the budget as it relates to actual spending of Early Head Start funds.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Work with local partners to expand services and supports available to EHS families</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Lead an annual self-assessment process for the program and develop annual plans for improvement; ensure that a community needs assessment is conducted as required.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Recommend and implement changes as needed in program design, administration procedures, etc. as they affect program performance.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Prepare and submit for approval necessary programmatic reports, forms, etc. as required by Federal, state, and local regulations.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Establish and maintain partnerships with funding sources, other state and local agencies, organizations, groups, etc. as they relate to programmatic activities.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Plan and coordinate shared governance training for Policy Council and Board of Directors as required.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Plan, coordinate, develop, and implement annual refunding application.</span></li>
</ul>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong>What You Need</strong></span></p>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Minimum of a Bachelor’s degree in early childhood development or other relevant field.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Three to five years’ experience as a Head Start/Early Head Start Director of a small program, or significant senior management experience within a large Head Start/Early Head Start program.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Substantive knowledge about the early childhood landscape in Connecticut and Early Head Start/Head Start.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Strong written and oral communication skills.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">A successful track record in setting priorities, and keen analytical, organizational, and problem-solving skills which support and enable sound decision making.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Excellent relationship building skills with an ability to prioritize, negotiate, and work with a variety of internal and external stakeholders.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Experience working with government grants a plus.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Experience in grant writing and managing budgets.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Proficient with MS Office365 and demonstrated comfort in learning new software/ online tools as needed.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Ability to work with diverse staff and volunteers.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Personal qualities of integrity, credibility, and dedication to the mission of UWGNH. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Valid driver's license and reliable transportation required.</span></li>
</ul>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong>About United Way</strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;">United Way of Greater New Haven brings people and organizations together to create solutions to Greater New Haven’s most pressing challenges in the areas of Education, Health, and Financial Stability grounded in racial and social justice. We tackle issues that cannot be solved by any one group working alone. We operate according to these organizational <a href="https://uwgnh.sharepoint.com/sites/Communications/Shared%20Documents/Forms/AllItems.aspx?id=%2Fsites%2FCommunications%2FShared%20Documents%2FMarketing%20%26%20Engagement%2FCommunications%2FLogos%2C%20Branding%2C%20Messaging%20for%20All%20Staff%2FUWGNH%20Our%20Values%202024%2Epdf&parent=%2Fsites%2FCommunications%2FShared%20Documents%2FMarketing%20%26%20Engagement%2FCommunications%2FLogos%2C%20Branding%2C%20Messaging%20for%20All%20Staff&p=true&ga=1">values</a>.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;">In accordance with organizational policies, this position requires a criminal background check as a condition of employment.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;">United Way staff are currently working hybrid, with at least two days per week in our office in New Haven. This is a full-time position; the salary range for this position is $85,000 - $90,000.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;">United Way is an Equal Opportunity Employer.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Don’t check off every box in the requirements listed above? Please apply anyway! Studies have shown that marginalized communities - such as women, LGBTQ+ and people of color - are less likely to apply to jobs unless they meet every single qualification. United Way of Greater New Haven is dedicated to building an inclusive, diverse, equitable, and accessible workplace that fosters a sense of belonging – so if you’re excited about this role but your past experience doesn’t align perfectly with every qualification in the job description, we encourage you to still consider submitting an application. You may be just the right candidate for this role or another one of our openings!</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;">To Apply: <a href="https://www.uwgnh.org/careers">Careers | United Way of Greater New Haven (uwgnh.org)</a></span></p>dae 6-Week High School Tech Creators Programtag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-03-06:3365802:BlogPost:2096512024-03-06T18:10:27.000ZStefan Christensenhttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/StefanChristensen
<p>dae is currently accepting applications for our 6-Week Tech Creators Program! This program is open and cost-free to 9-12th graders who attend New Haven Public Schools. In the program students get hands on experience working on Web Development, Video Game Design and Internet-of-Things. They come away with completed projects that can easily be shared with college admissions offices and potential employers.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Our first session just started but students are still welcome to join! It…</p>
<p>dae is currently accepting applications for our 6-Week Tech Creators Program! This program is open and cost-free to 9-12th graders who attend New Haven Public Schools. In the program students get hands on experience working on Web Development, Video Game Design and Internet-of-Things. They come away with completed projects that can easily be shared with college admissions offices and potential employers.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Our first session just started but students are still welcome to join! It will run until April 11th. Our second session will run from April 23rd until May 30th. We meet Tuesday-Thursday from 3:00-6:30pm. We are conveniently located at 770 Chapel Street in downtown New Haven (two blocks from the Green and central bus hub).</p>
<p></p>
<p>Students can apply here: <a href="http://mydae.co/6week" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mydae.co/6week</a></p>
<p></p>
<p>Flyer for the program is here:</p>
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12398100070?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener">6-Week%20Flyer_v3.pdf</a></p>Unlocking Freedom: Reclaiming Your Energy from the Cycle of Controlling Helptag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-03-04:3365802:BlogPost:2095432024-03-04T23:17:34.000ZBarb Nanglehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/BarbNangle830
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12395919101?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-center" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12395919101?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="500"></img> <span>Photo Credit: Ephraim Mayrena</span></a></p>
<p></p>
<p><span>If you’ve been giving advice to somebody over and over and over again and they never take it, this essay is for you. We do this in an effort to fix, rescue, and protect other people.</span></p>
<p><span>I was once told when I did this that I was “being helpful to be controlling.” I was aghast! I…</span></p>
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12395919101?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12395919101?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="500" class="align-center"/><span>Photo Credit: Ephraim Mayrena</span></a></p>
<p></p>
<p><span>If you’ve been giving advice to somebody over and over and over again and they never take it, this essay is for you. We do this in an effort to fix, rescue, and protect other people.</span></p>
<p><span>I was once told when I did this that I was “being helpful to be controlling.” I was aghast! I thought, “I’m just trying to help!”</span></p>
<p><span>If you find yourself saying that, it’s a clue that you also might be being helpful to be controlling. That is, you want things to be done your way. You’re “helping” so that things will go your way.</span></p>
<p><span>Stop it!</span></p>
<p><span>Here's an example of what it looks like when I’m being helpful to be controlling. I was in a group of people who needed access to a building that shifted from having door codes to keys. I volunteered to be the liaison between the building owners and the group. It was brought to my attention by one of the group members that they didn't ask for my help with the building folks.</span></p>
<p><span>They said I was being helpful to be controlling.</span></p>
<p><span>At first, I was pissed that they said that, but as I thought about it, I realized that it was true. I wanted a few things to go my way: I wanted my group to appear organized to the building owners, and I wanted to make sure my group was doing things “the right way” (i.e., Barb’s way).</span></p>
<p><span>I wanted them to pick up all the keys at once because I was trying to save the building people the trouble of having to interface with all those different people from my group. Meanwhile, they never asked for that. It wasn’t my place to “protect” them from having to deal with all those different parties.</span></p>
<p><span>One way I try to keep an eye on this behavior is by asking myself “Was I helpful to be controlling today?” in my </span><a href="https://higherpowercc.com/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-42-why-take-a-daily-inventory/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span>nightly inventory</span></a><span>. It’s very difficult for me to control this behavior of mine, but keeping it on my inventory makes it more likely that I’ll spot it. </span></p>
<p><span>I’ve had decades of acting like it’s my job to be the bumper on the car of someone’s life.</span></p>
<p><span>You don’t have to do that. You can put the energy you’ve been putting into fixing, rescuing, saving, and protecting others into </span><em>your own</em><span> life. Instead of focusing on what's going on in others’ lives, you can learn to keep the focus on yourself.</span></p>
<p><span>As the serenity prayer says, we need “the wisdom to know the difference between what we can and cannot change.” You can't change other people, but you can change yourself. If you’re too busy working on everybody else, you won’t have any energy to change yourself!</span></p>
<p><span>Ironically, that’s one of the reasons we do all fixing and rescuing - to keep the focus </span><em>off</em><span> ourselves! That way, we don’t have to look at our own problems. There are other reasons as well. We feel like we </span><em>have to</em><span> help others, it doesn’t feel like a choice. That’s called a compulsion. We’ve internalized the message </span><em>good people</em><span> help others. And that’s true, but they don't rescue and save other people. There’s a difference between being </span><em>helpful</em><span> and </span><em>rescuing</em><span>. A good indicator of being the difference is that when you’re being just plain helpful, the other person is meeting you halfway, and you're less invested in the outcome than they are. </span></p>
<p><span>One way to determine if you’re being helpful vs. rescuing someone is to ask “What are my motives?” Why are you helping them?</span></p>
<p><span>One of the ways I was helpful to be controlling was by trying to control what others thought of me. I wanted them to like me, think good things about me, and think I was nice. But I now know it’s not up to me what others think of me.</span></p>
<p><span>We’ve been told that it’s selfish to take care of ourselves. B.S.! If you want to have a well-lived life, you </span><em>must</em><span> take care of yourself. Stop trying to pour from an empty cup. Pour from the overflow. And the only way to have overflow is if you fill your cup first. That’s not selfish, it’s selfless. Because you’ll no longer be seeking to get your needs met by the world when you’ve met them yourself. You won’t be trying to extract love and affirmation from others when you give it to yourself.</span></p>
<p></p>
<p><span>For more blog posts like this go to <a rel="nofollow" href="https://higherpowercc.com/newsletter.archive/">FridayFragments.news</a></span></p>JOIN OUR TEAM! Downtown Evening Soup Kitchen is now hiring!tag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-03-04:3365802:BlogPost:2096372024-03-04T19:23:23.000ZLuis Olmo-Riverahttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/LuisOlmoRivera
<p style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12395865687?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12395865687?profile=RESIZE_710x"></img></a> OPEN POSITION </p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>VOLUNTEER ADMINISTRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Full-time; Sunday - Thursday. Open until filled. </p>
<p style="text-align: left;"> </p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Downtown Evening Soup Kitchen (DESK) seeks a friendly, dedicated, and outgoing community…</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12395865687?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12395865687?profile=RESIZE_710x"/></a>OPEN POSITION </p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>VOLUNTEER ADMINISTRATOR</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Full-time; Sunday - Thursday. Open until filled. </p>
<p style="text-align: left;"> </p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Downtown Evening Soup Kitchen (DESK) seeks a friendly, dedicated, and outgoing community organizer to oversee DESK’s 2,000+ volunteer corps, consisting of a range of individuals and groups from across Greater New Haven and beyond. Appropriate candidates will be very social, highly organized, upbeat and energetic, extremely professional, and sensitive to the strains of homelessness and poverty; the successful candidate will also be versed in a variety of communication media (online, oral, witten) and will be very approachable, completely at ease working among a cross-section of New Haven’s community. Preference given to local residents and those who are Spanish-proficient.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"> </p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Mission & Background Information</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">DESK serves people experiencing homelessness or living in poverty by providing food assistance and services that promote health, community, and equity. We are located in Downtown New Haven, just off the Green, where we serve a nightly dinner, offer whole food items through a weekly food pantry, and serve unhoused individuals through New Haven’s only low-barrier Downtown Drop-in & Resource Center. As DESK continues to build a diverse and inclusive organization, we eagerly consider candidates with diverse work experiences and personal backgrounds. Candidates are encouraged to use the cover letter to highlight how their background will contribute to a more equitable workplace. For more information on our programs, history, and vision, visit us online at <a href="http://www.deskct.org">deskct.org</a>.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"> </p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Core Responsibilities</strong></p>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><strong>Community Organizing –</strong> The Volunteer Administrator is, at heart, a community organizer, coordinating and scheduling the activities of DESK’s volunteers, including their onsite work and third-party support efforts.</li>
<li><strong>Outreach & Recruitment –</strong> The Volunteer Administrator conducts outreach and recruitment efforts.</li>
<li><strong>Logistics Administration –</strong> The Volunteer Administrator uses our web-based volunteer management system to schedule volunteer activities, coordinate volunteers, register volunteers, track their hours, and communicate. </li>
<li><strong>Onboarding –</strong> The Volunteer Administrator orients volunteers ahead of their first shift and works with program staff to develop onboarding materials and engagement.</li>
<li><strong>Onsite Coordination – </strong> Although most onsite coordination is carried out by Program staff, the Volunteer Administrator ensures that they are effectively managed, treated courteously and appropriately, are working in a safe and healthy environment, and receive the proper level of supervision.</li>
<li><strong>Appreciation –</strong> The Volunteer Administrator works with the Development Director and other staff to carry out volunteer appreciation activities and events.</li>
<li><strong>Client Competency –</strong> The Volunteer Administrator works with Program staff to engender a greater sense of empathy and understanding toward the issues faced by those DESK serves on behalf of every volunteer.</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: left;"> </p>
<table style="float: left;">
<tbody><tr><td><p><strong>Must-haves</strong></p>
</td>
<td><p><strong>Nice-to-haves</strong></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr><td><ul>
<li>1+ year working with volunteers</li>
<li><em>Very friendly & courteous</em></li>
<li><em>Works well under stress</em></li>
<li>Good communication skills (oral, written, online)</li>
<li>Team player</li>
<li>Independent troubleshooting skills; active listener</li>
<li>Enthusiasm for mission</li>
</ul>
</td>
<td><ul>
<li>1+ year supervisory experience</li>
<li>Experience working with people experiencing homelessness, mental health, or substance use </li>
<li><em>Excellent</em> communication skills</li>
<li>Experience providing basic needs</li>
<li>Spanish proficiency</li>
<li>New Haven proficiency</li>
</ul>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<p style="text-align: left;"> </p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Compensation</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Starting hourly rate will be $19.57 - $22.32, based on experience, background, and start-date. Health insurance, life insurance, and generous PTO.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"> </p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>How to Apply</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Candidates should email a cover letter and résumé to <a href="mailto:hr@deskct.org">hr@deskct.org</a> with “Volunteer Administrator Application” in the subject line. </p>
<p style="text-align: left;"> </p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><em>DESK is an equal opportunity employer who affirms and values greatly the role of diversity in the workplace and strongly encourages applications from people of all backgrounds and lifestyles.</em></p>Who supports climate justice in the U.S.?tag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-02-27:3365802:BlogPost:2098092024-02-27T14:36:46.000ZLee Cruzhttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/LeeCruz
<p><span>Climate change is harming people in the United States and around the world. While climate change harms people from all walks of life, those who have done the least to cause climate change often suffer the most, while those who have emitted the most carbon pollution often suffer the least. Climate change also </span><a href="http://www.epa.gov/cira/social-vulnerability-report" rel="noopener">exacerbates existing vulnerabilities</a><span>, including those based on personal factors (such…</span></p>
<p><span>Climate change is harming people in the United States and around the world. While climate change harms people from all walks of life, those who have done the least to cause climate change often suffer the most, while those who have emitted the most carbon pollution often suffer the least. Climate change also </span><a href="http://www.epa.gov/cira/social-vulnerability-report" rel="noopener">exacerbates existing vulnerabilities</a><span>, including those based on personal factors (such as age or existing health issues) and social factors (such as </span><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/08/24/climate/racism-redlining-cities-global-warming.html" rel="noopener">systemic racism</a><span> and poverty). Moreover, investments in climate change solutions, such as </span><a href="https://www.politico.com/news/2022/05/27/unfair-fema-climate-program-floods-00032080" rel="noopener">flood protection</a><span> or renewable energy, often tend to benefit people and communities who are already advantaged...</span></p>
<p><span><a href="https://climatecommunication.yale.edu/publications/who-supports-climate-justice-in-the-u-s/">https://climatecommunication.yale.edu/publications/who-supports-climate-justice-in-the-u-s/</a></span></p>Nelson 'Carty' Ford Memorial Gallery Dedicated to #SocialActionArttag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-02-26:3365802:BlogPost:2096222024-02-26T21:00:00.000ZSusan Huizengahttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/SusanHuizenga
<p>Activist Art by ARTivists is 'justice' work. It gives voice to the silenced, or marginalized, to better understand our collective humanity and the earth we share. Its public presence provides an opportunity for conversation and compassionate change. Few artists claim this space beyond the protest signs and posters. For them and their work, we offer our brave, safe creative space in Nelson's honor.</p>
<p>Nelson 'Carty' Ford Memorial Gallery, to be dedicated on April 30<sup>th</sup>, is an…</p>
<p>Activist Art by ARTivists is 'justice' work. It gives voice to the silenced, or marginalized, to better understand our collective humanity and the earth we share. Its public presence provides an opportunity for conversation and compassionate change. Few artists claim this space beyond the protest signs and posters. For them and their work, we offer our brave, safe creative space in Nelson's honor.</p>
<p>Nelson 'Carty' Ford Memorial Gallery, to be dedicated on April 30<sup>th</sup>, is an integrated gallery in the gathering spaces and walkways of WPAA-TV and Community Media Center. Nelson served on the Board of Directors from 2015-17. Subsequently, he served as the arts ambassador. His fine art series 'Bricks in Search of Words' graced our space until his passing in Dec 2023, said Artistic Director Josiah Houston. He influenced the use of public art to solve problems. The organization’s journey into #MoreThanTV began as a #PowerfulWildFree4Arts Project a.k.a. tiger mural to resolve a blight problem on the north side of their renovated 1924 cow barn. The tiger now called Hercules was a literal stretch for <span>Ryan Christenson</span> #Arcy who is now an internationally renowned muralist.</p>
<p>Nelson supported the permanent installation of #StreetshotZ by photographer Charles Buzinsky. This remains the featured installation of photographs, a book, and a digital display which actively engages viewers to support programs for their housing and food insecure neighbors.</p>
<p>Flipped from the 1960s Civil Rights headlines "We Are Not Like You" series by Brother Iyaba Ibo Mandingo will provoke necessary discussion of our shared 'differently' history. It was acquired this month. Source materials will be part of the installation.</p>
<p>The sculpture 'Conversation' by Ann Lehman, ' Mission in Mosaic' by Gallery53 artists, Wally political cartoons by Kevin Markowski are in the collection. Musicians may appreciate the reflective take on Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On” Album Cover on loan from photographer and music man Robert Sims.</p>
<p>More about Carty: A 1963 graduate of Paier Art School he held day jobs as a graphic designer and pursued fine arts and his interest in history. His fine art was exhibited from 1991 until his passing. He began his major work The Awakening in a scroll 2 ft. by more than 500 ft. It explored the evolution of One Race with many faces, colors, cultures, and nations.</p>Navigating Urgency: How to Slow Down So You Can Spot and Avoid Red Flagstag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-02-23:3365802:BlogPost:2092002024-02-23T17:00:00.000ZBarb Nanglehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/BarbNangle830
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12385806066?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-center" height="277" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12385806066?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="401"></img> <span>Photo Credit: Bernd Dittrich</span></a></p>
<p><span>If you want what you want when you want it, you’re not likely to be able to delay gratification. This often happens when you have a sense of urgency. This was particularly true for me when it came to relationships. When you have that feeling of urgency, you typically ignore the consequences of plowing…</span></p>
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12385806066?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12385806066?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-center" width="401" height="277"/><span>Photo Credit: Bernd Dittrich</span></a></p>
<p><span>If you want what you want when you want it, you’re not likely to be able to delay gratification. This often happens when you have a sense of urgency. This was particularly true for me when it came to relationships. When you have that feeling of urgency, you typically ignore the consequences of plowing forward.</span></p>
<p><span>This is how we miss red flags.</span></p>
<p><span>I suppose “miss” red flags isn’t really accurate. It’s more like we ignore or plow over red flags. When I look back at my behavior before recovery, I think of myself as having ignored <em>festivals</em> of red flags, not just one or two! Now, I try to look for green flags. I wasn’t even aware that green flags existed before recovery.</span></p>
<p><span>Most of us think of red flags as pertaining to dating partners. But red flags can pop up in all sorts of circumstances. And even if we’ve been in recovery for a while, we can still miss them. When we do, we can look at that as <a href="https://higherpowercc.com/ep-156-info-not-ammo/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">info, not ammo</a> (information to learn from, not ammunition to beat yourself up with). That is, be curious about why you ignored that red flag. When you do that, you’re less likely to do that again when you analyze what that was about.</span></p>
<p><span>Here's a non-relationship red flag situation I missed. When I found a camper van to rent for my 6-week solo road trip, I was so excited about it that I ignored the cosmetic problems inside and outside the van, as well as the environment where the van was stored. It turned out the lack of maintenance of the cosmetic things was an indicator of the lack of overall maintenance of the van. I ended up breaking down and getting repeated repairs, then, ditching the van for another vehicle in Arizona because I ignored these red flags. That sense of urgency and excitement caused me to hurry. </span></p>
<p><span>Just because you want something right now, doesn’t mean we can or should get it.</span></p>
<p><span>Here’s another example. I know a woman who moved to live near like-minded individuals she’d connected with. The town was over an hour drive from where she worked, and she knew she’d have that long drive very early in the morning through a horrific traffic corridor. She’d also have to drive home during rush hour with very heavy traffic. She also knew that she was often drained at the end of each work day, but she chose to make the move anyway. She ignored the nagging thought of how many hours of driving she’d need to do each day after being drained from work.</span></p>
<p><span>What happened was that she was often so drained that she wasn’t up to connecting with her friends. She had so little time and needed to rest and recuperate. The whole reason she moved to that community didn’t come to fruition. She’d spent more time with them when she lived farther from them but closer to work.</span></p>
<p><span>After a couple of years of being completely drained by the drive and the heavy traffic, she moved to a place that was much closer to work. She realized that the original decision to move closer to her community was made with a sense of urgency because she wanted what she wanted when she wanted it. She realizes now that if she has a sense of urgency about a decision, then it’s even more important to slow down and be mindful of the decision.</span></p>
<p><span>So how can we learn to delay gratification?</span></p>
<p><span>I think the most important thing you can do is to slow down. If you have a sense of urgency about something, unless it’s an actual emergency, that should be a red flag that this is not how to make thoughtful, rational decisions. </span></p>
<p><span>We can’t be proactive in our lives if we’re constantly on the move, doing things quickly with a sense of urgency all the time. When you <a href="https://higherpowercc.com/ep-217-why-pausing-is-so-important-and-what-to-do-when-you-pause/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">pause</a> and catch your breath, you’re basically telling your body, “I am safe” so it will come out of fight or flight mode. We’re unable to think clearly in that mode, and that’s as it should be – you’re not supposed to think, you’re supposed to fight or flee in that mode! That mode cuts off access to your frontal lobe where your rational thinking is done.</span></p>
<p><span>If we want to make proactive decisions about our lives, we need to be able to access the frontal lobe. That’s why slowing down is so helpful. Pausing to take time to think about things means we’re much more likely to use our rational brain than our feelings to make decisions.</span></p>
<p><span>Another way to change this pattern of acting on your wants is get clear on your values and use them to steer your life. When we live in alignment with our values, we’re much more likely to make reasoned decisions proactively. That means, it’s easier to delay gratification because we’re looking at the big picture of our lives when we’ve focused on our values.</span></p>
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<p><span><span style="font-weight: 400;">For more blog posts like this go to</span> <a href="https://higherpowercc.com/newsletter.archive/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">FridayFragments.news</span></a></span></p>My Top 12 Relationship Tips from 12-Step Recoverytag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-02-09:3365802:BlogPost:2092672024-02-09T18:00:00.000ZBarb Nanglehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/BarbNangle830
<p><span><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12375330652?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-center" height="298" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12375330652?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="473"></img></a></span></p>
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<p><span><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12375330652?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12375330652?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-center" width="473" height="298"/></a></span></p>
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<p><span>Just in time for Valentine’s Day, here are the top 12 relationships tips I learned from 12-step recovery. Seeing as I’m now in the first (and only) healthy relationship of my life after about 40 years of dating, you might want to take heed of these.</span></p>
<p><strong>Don’t date for the first year you’re in a personal development program. </strong><span>The reason for this is that you’re going to be a completely different person after a year of any personal development program. If it’s going well, you’ll be a much healthier version of yourself in a year. That means you'll be attracted to healthier people, and healthier people are going to be attracted to you.</span></p>
<p><strong>Be real. </strong><span>Don’t fake who you are, and act like you like things that you don't like. Being fake is dishonest, unsustainable and likely to fill you with resentment when you continually do things you don’t like.</span></p>
<p><strong>When somebody tells you who they are believe them</strong><span>! For example, if somebody starts out by deceiving you, then believe that they're a deceiver. If you meet someone online who looks absolutely nothing like their online picture, they're telling you, “I’m not what I appear to be.” Stop giving the benefit of the doubt to strangers!</span></p>
<p><strong>Take the relationship one day at a time. </strong><span>That is, take things slowly, bit by bit. There’s no rush. If you or your dating partner have a sense of urgency in dating and want things to move faster, that's probably not healthy. Set some boundaries for yourself around your initial interactions with them (e.g., maybe start with a 20 minute phone call, then maybe a 45 minute coffee date). </span></p>
<p><span>That being said, one thing I think is wise to rush is meeting someone you’ve met online in person as soon as you’ve realized you might like to date them. It's wise to meet them sooner rather than later so you don’t build up unrealistic expectations of who you think they're going to be. And - chemistry can only be experienced in person.</span></p>
<p><strong>Use the principle of “first things first.” </strong><span>That means what you value most should come first. If you’re in 12-step recovery, that needs to come first. If you’re a parent, your children should come first. Your dating and relationships should fit around your life. Living your life by what’s most important to you is what leads to a satisfying life. It also ensures that you’ll attract people who fit into your life. There are some values you don’t need to have in common, and some you do. Having children is a big one. If someone says they don’t want kids and you do, don’t date them.</span></p>
<p><strong>Acceptance. </strong><span>That means accepting people </span><em>the way they are</em><span>. No matter how compatible two people are, there will always be some kind of irreconcilable differences in your relationships. These could be things like being an early riser vs. a later sleeper, or being messy vs. neat, being on time vs. being late. If you cannot accept that quality in the person, don’t date them thinking “I’ll get them to change.” In committed relationships, you’ll find a way to make things work if it’s really important to you, and you don’t make their qualities mean “they don’t love me” or “if they were committed they’d change that quality.”</span></p>
<p><strong>H.A.L.T. – Don’t get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. </strong><span>Don’t allow yourself to get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired, or you won’t be very pleasant to be around, and you may very well blame your mood on your partner. If you’re hungry, eat. If you’re angry, express it in an appropriate way and deal with the cause. If you’re lonely, reach out to connect to someone. If you’re tired, rest. Don’t expect someone else to meet those needs for you.</span></p>
<p><strong>Keep coming back,</strong><span> </span><strong>it works if you work it</strong><span>. This popular saying from recovery can be applied to our relationships as well. “Keep coming back” means you're committed to the relationship - the small stuff and the big stuff, the easy stuff and the hard stuff. </span></p>
<p><span>“It works if you work it” means that if you put work into the relationship, it will work. You don’t just find your soulmate and have it easy from then on because you’re “meant for each other.” It's definitely easier to be in relationship with someone you're compatible with, but it doesn't mean there's no work. Having open, clear, and direct communication is <em>hard</em>. In fact, teaching that is at the core of what I do as a boundaries coach. We just don’t get taught how to do that well, so learning how to do that well with your partner takes work.</span></p>
<p><strong>The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results</strong><span>. If you’ve had the same argument or the same conversation repeatedly in your relationship, something's not working right. If you’re not doing anything to shift things so the conversation changes, that's the definition of insanity. What do you need to do differently? Most of us know it only takes one person to change a relationship. Unfortunately, what most of us believe is that one person is our partner, not us. Maybe you need outside help or some other shift in perspective, but something has to change. If nothing changes, nothing changes.</span></p>
<p><strong>Progress not perfection</strong><span>. We can't expect perfection out of ourselves or anyone else, but we should expect progress. This is especially so in a committed relationship. If you’re not seeing progress in your dating relationship, then you probably shouldn't marry them. But you also shouldn't expect people to conform to your way of doing things. There are going to be certain things in your relationship that are deal breakers. It’s helpful to get clear on what those are before you date.</span></p>
<p><span><strong>H.O.W. – Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness. </strong>I was told early in recovery, “This is H.O.W. it works.” You must have all three of these if recovery is going to work and if your relationships are going to work. If you’re not honest with your partner, then you're not really <strong>in</strong> the relationship with them. Be open-minded to the fact that there's something you don't know or something that you haven't tried, or there's you’re assuming about your partner that’s incorrect. So be open-minded that you don't know everything and you don't have all the answers. Willingness is imperative for a happy, healthy relationship. If you're willing to be in the relationship, and willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work - that’s called commitment. When you’re committed to someone, you’re willing to run through the muck with them and do whatever it takes to get to the other side of the muck. You’re committed whether things are easy for hard.</span></p>
<p><strong>Understanding your part in things? </strong><span>This was my greatest gift of recovery - coming to understand my part in things. I learned this in Step 4 where I looked back at what I’d been doing that was creating chaos or exacerbating the chaos around me (especially in my relationships). If other people really are the problem in all your relationships, you’re screwed! So don’t assume things are always someone else’s fault. Look for what you could be doing differently. And remember, this is “info, not ammo.” It’s information to learn and grow from, not ammunition to beat yourself up. </span></p>
<p><span>When you’re in a relationship, and there’s a recurring pattern, it behooves you to look for your part in things rather than automatically assuming it’s your partner.</span></p>
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<p><span>For most blog posts like this go to <a rel="nofollow" href="https://higherpowercc.com/newsletter.archive/">FridayFragments.news</a></span></p>Awarding two $3800 to local nonprofits -- Dwight Hall at Yaletag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-02-06:3365802:BlogPost:2091622024-02-06T05:37:51.000ZHoward Daihttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/HowardDai
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<p dir="ltr"><span>Hello! We are the</span><a href="https://www.dwighthallsri.org/teams"><span> Community Investment team</span></a><span> at </span><a href="https://dwighthall.org/"><span>Dwight Hall</span></a><span>, Yale’s center for public service and social justice. We are part of a student group that manages Dwight Hall’s endowment, and each year we disburse unrestricted grants to support New Haven nonprofits.</span></p>
<p dir="ltr">This year, our group is looking to…</p>
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<p dir="ltr"><span>Hello! We are the</span><a href="https://www.dwighthallsri.org/teams"><span> Community Investment team</span></a><span> at </span><a href="https://dwighthall.org/"><span>Dwight Hall</span></a><span>, Yale’s center for public service and social justice. We are part of a student group that manages Dwight Hall’s endowment, and each year we disburse unrestricted grants to support New Haven nonprofits.</span></p>
<p dir="ltr">This year, our group is looking to award<span> </span><b>two grants</b>, of<span> </span><b>$3,800 each</b>, to community organizations that are working to advance social justice in New Haven. If you are a small-to-medium size, registered nonprofit that would benefit from these unrestricted funds, please fill out the following <a href="https://forms.gle/EvsRB3s9A7LiZfoi6" target="_blank" rel="noopener">form</a> by<span> </span><b>Friday, </b><span>March 22nd</span>. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Feel free to email me at <span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><a href="mailto:howard.dai@yale.edu"><span style="font-weight: 400;">howard.dai@yale.edu</span></a> or <a href="mailto:dwighthallsri@gmail.com"><span>dwighthallsri@gmail.com </span></a>if you have any questions! </p>
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<p dir="ltr"></p>New Haven City Plan Department Hiring for Community Navigators for the Vision 2034 Comprehensive Plantag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-02-02:3365802:BlogPost:2093482024-02-02T19:13:04.000ZEsther Rose-Wilenhttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/EstherRoseWilen
<p>The New Haven City Plan Department is recruiting for Community Navigators, who will be helping to lead engagement for the <a href="https://newhavenvision2034.com/" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Vision 2034 Comprehensive Plan</a>. These are part-time, paid positions for New Haven residents. We are accepting applications through early February, and they can be accessed here:</p>
<p>English: …</p>
<p>The New Haven City Plan Department is recruiting for Community Navigators, who will be helping to lead engagement for the <a href="https://newhavenvision2034.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Vision 2034 Comprehensive Plan</a>. These are part-time, paid positions for New Haven residents. We are accepting applications through early February, and they can be accessed here:</p>
<p>English: <a href="https://gcc02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fforms.gle%2FmeJ61bHthYb2Vi8U8&data=05%7C02%7CERoseWilen%40newhavenct.gov%7Cb2f856d252a04e691aba08dc20d8c00b%7Cdd83ce47326d4fe9a0e57530887f77ab%7C0%7C0%7C638421362519888563%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C0%7C%7C%7C&sdata=jKQ%2FB933pq2W84BJa%2BNDiLuvVDzk8%2FL7tmCIk7CWRlo%3D&reserved=0">https://forms.gle/meJ61bHthYb2Vi8U8</a></p>
<p>Spanish: <a href="https://gcc02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fforms.gle%2FZ3hzHzaboDCZUdDPA&data=05%7C02%7CERoseWilen%40newhavenct.gov%7Cb2f856d252a04e691aba08dc20d8c00b%7Cdd83ce47326d4fe9a0e57530887f77ab%7C0%7C0%7C638421362519897254%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C0%7C%7C%7C&sdata=%2B0u84XVQuXYBhOjUM9Bfo3h3XbLdMMT0RsgFTATQUhk%3D&reserved=0">https://forms.gle/Z3hzHzaboDCZUdDPA</a></p>
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<p>It is critical to the success of the plan that these engagement leaders be geographically, linguistically, and culturally representative of our city, with a variety of deep connections to communities within New Haven, particularly those often excluded by traditional methods of outreach. We are counting on community partners to help us identify residents who are passionate about their community, have strong interpersonal skills, and are really good listeners to apply for this position!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thank you for helping get the word out to your constituents, and please do not hesitate to reach out to Assistant Director of Comprehensive Planning Esther Rose-Wilen (ERoseWilen@newhavenct.gov) or Director Laura Brown (LEBrown@newhavenct.gov) with questions or to connect us directly with interested residents. At the bottom of this post, there is a short blurb and flyer designed for circulation.</p>
<p>Other upcoming events and opportunities for participation will be up on our website soon: <a href="https://gcc02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fnewhavenvision2034.com%2F&data=05%7C02%7CERoseWilen%40newhavenct.gov%7Cb2f856d252a04e691aba08dc20d8c00b%7Cdd83ce47326d4fe9a0e57530887f77ab%7C0%7C0%7C638421362519903991%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C0%7C%7C%7C&sdata=j5t5h1gMxRzzREXvK3qkZjCKZyuweGK8HQKUJjHb3ac%3D&reserved=0">https://newhavenvision2034.com/</a></p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>Paid Community Navigator position:</strong></p>
<p>The City Plan Department is accepting applications to serve as a ‘Community Navigator’ engagement leader for Vision 2034, New Haven’s Comprehensive Plan.</p>
<p>This is a part-time, temporary position. Community Navigators will be involved in engagement across all plan topics, strategizing on how to reach populations often excluded by traditional outreach methods, acting as liaison to those groups/individuals, and trained to host and facilitate public input meetings using a facilitation toolkit. </p>
<p>More information on the role and the application can be found here: <a href="https://gcc02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fforms.gle%2FmeJ61bHthYb2Vi8U8&data=05%7C02%7CERoseWilen%40newhavenct.gov%7Cb2f856d252a04e691aba08dc20d8c00b%7Cdd83ce47326d4fe9a0e57530887f77ab%7C0%7C0%7C638421362519909577%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C0%7C%7C%7C&sdata=P%2FjuVW3wdVbHNmF2C0r2lAwLHGEme5rwSEzJngkvAFc%3D&reserved=0"><span>https://forms.gle/meJ61bHthYb2Vi8U8</span></a></p>
<p><strong> </strong></p>
<p><strong>Puesto de navegador comunitario remunerado:</strong></p>
<p>El Departamento de Planeación de la Ciudad está aceptando solicitudes para servir como un 'Navegador Comunitario' (líder de participación pública) para Visión 2034, el Plan Integral de New Haven.</p>
<p>Este es un puesto temporal a tiempo parcial. Los Navegadores Comunitarios apoyarán a la participación en todos los temas del plan, elaborarán estrategias sobre cómo llegar a las poblaciones a menudo excluidas por los métodos de extensión tradicionales, actuarán como enlace con esos grupos/individuos y estarán capacitados para organizar y facilitar reuniones de aportes públicos utilizando un conjunto de herramientas de facilitación.</p>
<p>Mas información sobre este papel, y la solicitud aquí: <a href="https://gcc02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fforms.gle%2FZ3hzHzaboDCZUdDPA&data=05%7C02%7CERoseWilen%40newhavenct.gov%7Cb2f856d252a04e691aba08dc20d8c00b%7Cdd83ce47326d4fe9a0e57530887f77ab%7C0%7C0%7C638421362519915043%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C0%7C%7C%7C&sdata=rQIzeowOHWD%2FGNiKlWz3BZ8oShurwuD5lng%2FR6ySUFc%3D&reserved=0"><span>https://forms.gle/Z3hzHzaboDCZUdDPA</span></a></p>
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<p> <a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12373043498?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12373043498?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="500" class="align-center"/></a></p>Parent Leadership Training Institutetag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-02-02:3365802:BlogPost:2092502024-02-02T20:58:38.000ZJoAnne Wilcoxhttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/JoAnneWilcox687
<p>In 2014, I was a part of the CFGNH Neighborhood Leadership Program. My project was to deliver workshops with parents seeking Restorative Parenting tools. It was an amazing cohort of leaders from throughout New Haven who were vision holders, each in their own way working to make New Haven a great place to live. Many of us, and our fellow cohorts, are still committed to this work today. </p>
<p>In my current role at United Way, my job is to build a similar space specifically geared toward…</p>
<p>In 2014, I was a part of the CFGNH Neighborhood Leadership Program. My project was to deliver workshops with parents seeking Restorative Parenting tools. It was an amazing cohort of leaders from throughout New Haven who were vision holders, each in their own way working to make New Haven a great place to live. Many of us, and our fellow cohorts, are still committed to this work today. </p>
<p>In my current role at United Way, my job is to build a similar space specifically geared toward young parents and young people who care about being the change for their own children and communities. Parent Leadership Training Institute (PLTI) is currently accepting applications from 18–24-year-olds who are looking for the support and tools they need to "be the change." <strong>Our strategy is to invite the community to engage actively with the young people around them, meaning YOU. Who do you think would benefit from learning about who they are as leaders, and how to be an active voice in our democracy on behalf of </strong><b>children? </b>Go to our <a href="https://uwgnh.org/PLTI" target="_blank" rel="noopener">website</a>, <a href="https://efsp.formstack.com/forms/pltiapplication" target="_blank" rel="noopener">find our application, encourage your future leaders to apply! </a><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12347748867?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12347748867?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-full"/></a><a href="https://efsp.formstack.com/forms/pltiapplication" target="_blank" rel="noopener"></a></p>The Art of Letting Go: How to Unhook from Unconscious Expectationstag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-02-02:3365802:BlogPost:2091502024-02-02T18:00:00.000ZBarb Nanglehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/BarbNangle830
<h1><strong>Part 5 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations</strong></h1>
<p><strong><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12372843660?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-center" height="281" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12372843660?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="500"></img></a></strong></p>
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<h1><strong>Part 5 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations</strong></h1>
<p><strong><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12372843660?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12372843660?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="500" height="281" class="align-center"/></a></strong></p>
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<p><span>Now that we're on my 5th essay about overcoming unrealistic expectations you might be thinking, “I’m starting to understand how to <strong>not </strong>have expectations ahead of time, but what if I'm still resentful because of an expectation I had in the past?” Good news! You can get rid of your expectations <em>after the fact.</em></span></p>
<p><span>If you’re like me, it might be that you don’t even realize you had an expectation until that expectation doesn't get met. That is, you didn't even know that you had an expectation until you get upset and realize it after the fact. Maybe it was so subconscious that you weren’t even aware of it.</span></p>
<p><span>Here’s how I let go of my expectations after the fact: as soon as I realize I had an expectation, I “unhook” from that expectation (at least that’s what I call it). I retroactively let go of that expectation by looking at the situation and thinking to myself, “Oh, I had an expectation, and that’s why I’m upset.” Here are three examples.</span></p>
<p><span>When I said “I love you” to someone and they didn’t say it back, I got upset. When I looked at that, I realized I had an unconscious expectation of that person saying “I love you” back. </span></p>
<p><span>The only way I realized I had that expectation is that I felt a little wounded when they didn't say it back to me. When I looked at it to examine what the wounding was about, I saw that it was about me having an expectation of them saying I love you back to me. That they <em>should</em> say “I love you” back to me.</span></p>
<p><span>Then I thought - why did I have that expectation? Did I tell that person I love them just so they’d say it back to me? Or did I say it as a genuine expression of how I was feeling in the moment? Honestly, I said it because that was a genuine expression of how I felt.</span></p>
<p><span>Now that I’m in recovery, I realize that the way to know people love me is through their actions, not just their words. Truth be told, I don’t say “I love you” to just anybody. I reserve those words for people that I know for certain I love. And I love them for who they are and how they make me feel, not because of what they may or may not say to me. </span></p>
<p><span>As one friend in recovery says all the time, “Love takes effort” so it's not necessarily them <em>telling </em>me they love me that I feel loved. It’s from <em>showing </em>me that makes me feel loved, by doing kind, loving things for me (which <em>may</em> include saying I love you). I’d much rather have someone express their love to me genuinely because that’s what they’re feeling in the moment than have someone say “I love you” because they feel like they have to reciprocate.</span></p>
<p><span>Having expectations is very similar to making assumptions. Here’s another situation where I was able to unhook from my expectations after the fact. I made an assumption in a work situation. I assumed that simply because I was an employee of an organization that I’d automatically have access to some of the benefits the customers receive. When that didn't happen I was terribly upset. </span></p>
<p><span>I had to do some thought work on it and realized I wanted special treatment. I assumed that just by being an employee of the organization, that meant I got the same benefits the customers get. </span></p>
<p><span>That was not the case. I had an expectation of getting benefits that were not for me. When I acknowledged that, I was then able to unhook from my expectations, which removed my resentment. And let me tell you, I was pretty resentful about the situation! It was quite a relief to be able to let go of that resentment. I will say that it came back up a couple of times, but I was able to use my mature, adult brain to remind myself that my assumption had been wrong – I don’t get those benefits. I’m not a customer. </span></p>
<p><span>Here’s another example that’s relatively benign. This is the kind of thing that used to send me reeling before recovery. I’m blessed that I’ve learned to accept so many things that used to really piss me off. </span></p>
<p><span>There's a suburban-ish neighborhood here in New Haven with a stop light that I expect should work a certain way, and it doesn’t. Every time the light changes, there's a walk signal in between the lights changing. There are almost never any pedestrians at that intersection, mind you. And there are stop lights in downtown New Haven where there are pedestrians galore that don't have a pre-programmed pedestrian signal between light changes. </span></p>
<p><span>Every time I got to that stop light with the walk signal, I’d get really annoyed. When I finally realized how much of my serenity it was taking, I did some thought work on it. I realized I had an unrealistic expectation that that light shouldn't be programmed that way. I can either continue to be resentful about that every single time I get to that light, or…I can let go of that expectation. </span></p>
<p><span>I can also stop going through that intersection! Which I sometimes do, but it’s pretty inconvenient to do that. Now, when I get to that light and have to wait for the walk signal, I use it as an opportunity to make conscious contact with my Higher Power. I’ve let go of the expectation that there shouldn’t be a walk signal there. </span></p>
<p><span>I hope these three examples for how to unhook from expectations after the fact will be enough for you to be able to start implementing this concept for yourself. If you weren’t able to lower your expectations ahead of time, hopefully you’ll be able to use this method and get rid of your expectations after the fact.</span></p>
<p><span>You're still going to have expectations from time to time, and maybe you won't even realize it until they're not met. But as soon as you realize “that was an expectation,” do the best you can to unhook from it to let go of your resentment so you can be happy, joyous and free.</span></p>
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<p><span>For most blog posts like this go to <a rel="nofollow" href="https://higherpowercc.com/newsletter.archive/">FridayFragments.news</a></span></p>How to Break Free from Suffering By Lowering Your Expectations and Gain Serenitytag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-01-26:3365802:BlogPost:2094342024-01-26T23:00:00.000ZBarb Nanglehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/BarbNangle830
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<h1><strong>Part 4 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations</strong></h1>
<p><span><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12366559486?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-center" height="276" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12366559486?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="415"></img></a></span></p>
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<h1><strong>Part 4 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations</strong></h1>
<p><span><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12366559486?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12366559486?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-center" width="415" height="276"/></a></span></p>
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<p><span>If she continues to have the expectation that communication will flow back and forth in organizations she’s involved in, and it's not happening, then that tells her where her boundary goes. Maybe she needs to leave. If that’s not something she’s willing to consider, and she continues to suffer, then she </span><em>gets to</em><span> change her expectations.</span></p>
<p><span>She gets to face that these people don't communicate well. But that doesn't mean </span><em>she</em><span> can't communicate well. She doesn’t have to change her expectations </span><em>for herself</em><span>. She can keep the flow of information going to them, knowing that they suck at communicating.</span></p>
<p><span>It’s really hard to know what the RIGHT thing is here. Maybe the organization is a well-oiled machine, and she just doesn’t have the hang of it yet. Or maybe she’s not communicating with the right person. Or, maybe she’s right, and they DO suck at communicating!</span></p>
<p><span>But the fact remains, they’re not communicating in ways that work for her. And she can’t change that, and it’s causing her to suffer. So… if she wants her suffering to end - if you want </span><em>your</em><span> suffering to end - you can choose to lower your expectation. Or you can decide, “This is not the right place for me,” and leave. Whatever you decide, know that if you’re suffering, </span><em>only you</em><span> have the ability to change that.</span></p>
<p><span>This is another example of how important it is to keep the focus on yourself. What are you doing or believing in a situation that is causing you difficulty? What’s your part? This was the greatest gift of my recovery - understanding my part and things. For many of the difficulties in my life “my part” was having unrealistic expectations.</span></p>
<p><span>Maybe in your situation, having unrealistic expectations of the people, places, things and institutions around you is causing suffering. It’s not </span><em>what’s happening</em><span> that’s causing your suffering, it’s not </span><em>the circumstances</em><span> that are causing suffering, it’s the expectation that there SHOULD be something different happening.</span></p>
<p><span>Keep the focus on yourself. That's where your lever for change is. It’s only within you. And maybe that lever is to lower your expectations.</span></p>
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<p><span>For most blog posts like this go to <a rel="nofollow" href="https://higherpowercc.com/newsletter.archive/">FridayFragments.news</a></span></p>FAMILY ACT: A Family of Visual Artists at City Gallerytag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-01-26:3365802:BlogPost:2092332024-01-26T13:43:23.000ZJen Paynehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/JenPayne662
<p><em><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12366411089?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-center" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12366411089?profile=RESIZE_710x"></img></a></em></p>
<p><em>Featuring Work by</em> <em>Sara Frucht,</em> <em>William Frucht,</em> <em>Candace Ovesey, and Martha Rives</em></p>
<p>City Gallery welcomes four members of the Frucht family for FAMILY ACT, with work by gallery member William Frucht, his sisters Sara Frucht and Martha Rives, and his wife, Candace Ovesey. The show will feature…</p>
<p><em><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12366411089?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12366411089?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-center"/></a></em></p>
<p><em>Featuring Work by</em> <em>Sara Frucht,</em> <em>William Frucht,</em> <em>Candace Ovesey, and Martha Rives</em></p>
<p>City Gallery welcomes four members of the Frucht family for FAMILY ACT, with work by gallery member William Frucht, his sisters Sara Frucht and Martha Rives, and his wife, Candace Ovesey. The show will feature photography, painting, sculpture, digital art, mixed media, and animated computer graphics. It runs Friday, February 2 - Sunday, February 25, with a Reception on Sunday, February 25, from 2-4pm.</p>
<p>“We were not one of those families where our father sat all the children down one day and said, ‘You’ll be a lawyer, you’ll be a soldier’ and so on,” says William Frucht. “Still, it seemed clear early on that Martha was going to be the artist, Billy the writer, and Sara the mathematician. To a certain extent that’s what happened, except that we all gravitated, sooner or later, to the visual arts.” After Bill and Candace had been married for a while, she got into the act, too.</p>
<p>After practicing pen-and-ink and pastel drawing for many years, Candace started sculpting during the Covid pandemic. “Currently I am studying both drawing and sculpting at Silvermine Arts Center in New Canaan. I work mostly with terracotta clay, sometimes adding color with pen brushes. The piece on display here is a bas relief, where I dug down into the clay to create layers underneath.”</p>
<p>Her husband, photographer Bill Frucht, has been a member of City Gallery for seven years.. “My photography has followed two distinct paths,” he explains. “One path is photographing abandoned or distressed places with a large medium-format film camera and a tripod. The images that emerge are meditations on the slow evolution of the world: I am in a dialogue with the past, photographing processes that unfold over years and decades. The second path is street photography using a small digital camera. I immerse myself in the moment, trying not to think but simply flow, reacting to fleeting gestures, expressions, and chance arrangements of light and shadow that flicker into existence like virtual particles and then as quickly vanish.” Bill’s most recent work represents a third relationship with time. “Using a panoramic film camera that takes in different parts of the scene at different times, like some unforeseen merger of the classical and quantum worlds. This third path lies mostly in the future.”</p>
<p>Bill’s younger sister Sara Frucht is an artist, programmer and mathematician. “I believe math can best be understood visually, and that its beauty and elegance can be best expressed through art,” she says. “Rather than using paints and canvas to create art, I use mathematical formulas and computer code. My main tools are symmetry, tiling patterns, splines, fractals, color, transparency, and of course randomness. In all of my art, I am inspired by the purity of form and the luminosity of light and color interacting with it. I believe that the beauty of geometric forms can awaken in us a sense of connection with the physical world at its deepest level.”</p>
<p>Martha Rives, Bill’s older sister, works from her studio in Exeter, New Hampshire, where she's been focusing on mixed media art since Covid. “All of the pieces in this show were done as the country was emerging from the pandemic. They are representations of the living world: birth and rebirth, the rhythms of trees, the resilience of life under the pressures we humans put on it, the lush and glossy profusion of the tropics, patterns and rhythmic repetitions that are not quite patterns. Artmaking is about asking questions, exploring ideas, and doing the hard work of making a concept meet one’s visualization in a tangible form that is coherent and beautiful. I’m really having fun with this medium, and I plan on carrying through with my theme of ‘Life Rhythms’ for many more pieces.”</p>
<p>FAMILY ACT is free and open to the public, and will be on view Friday, February 2 - Sunday, February 25, with a Reception on Sunday, February 25, from 2-4pm. City Gallery is located at 994 State Street, New Haven, CT 06511. Gallery hours are Friday - Sunday, 12pm - 4 pm, or by appointment. For further information please contact City Gallery, info@city-gallery.org, <a href="http://www.city-gallery.org">www.city-gallery.org</a>.</p>Change Is Coming Soontag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-01-24:3365802:BlogPost:2092252024-01-24T18:45:36.000ZLee Cruzhttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/LeeCruz
<h1><span style="font-size: 13px;">By</span><span style="font-size: 13px;"> </span><a class="subtle-link" href="https://www.resilience.org/resilience-author/liz-theoharis/" style="font-size: 13px;">Liz Theoharis</a><span style="font-size: 13px;">, originally published by</span><span style="font-size: 13px;"> </span><a class="subtle-link" href="https://tomdispatch.com/change-is-coming-soon/" rel="noopener" style="font-size: 13px;" target="_blank">Tom Dispatch…</a></h1>
<h1><span style="font-size: 13px;">By</span><span style="font-size: 13px;"> </span><a class="subtle-link" href="https://www.resilience.org/resilience-author/liz-theoharis/" style="font-size: 13px;">Liz Theoharis</a><span style="font-size: 13px;">, originally published by</span><span style="font-size: 13px;"> </span><a class="subtle-link" href="https://tomdispatch.com/change-is-coming-soon/" target="_blank" rel="noopener" style="font-size: 13px;">Tom Dispatch</a></h1>
<div class="row justify-content-between"><div class="col-12 col-md-3 publish-date"><p class="font-sh1">January 19, 2024</p>
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<p class="font-sh1"><span>“All Americans owe them a debt for — if nothing else — releasing the idealism locked so long inside a nation that has not recently tasted the drama of a social upheaval. And for making us look on the young people of the country with a new respect.” That’s how </span><a href="https://www.howardzinn.org/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow external noopener noreferrer">Howard Zinn</a><span> opened his book </span><a href="https://www.zinnedproject.org/materials/sncc-the-new-abolitionists/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow external noopener noreferrer"><em>The New Abolitionists</em></a><span> about the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee of the 1960s. Zinn pointed out a truth from the Black freedom struggles of that era and earlier: that young people were often labeled aloof and apathetic, apolitical and uncommitted — until suddenly they were at the very forefront of justice struggles for themselves and for the larger society. Connected to that truth is the reality that, in the history of social-change movements in the United States and globally, </span><a href="https://www.benjerry.com/whats-new/2018/05/youth-activists" target="_blank" rel="nofollow external noopener noreferrer">young people</a><span> almost invariably find themselves in the lead...</span></p>
<p class="font-sh1"><span><a href="https://www.resilience.org/stories/2024-01-19/change-is-coming-soon/">https://www.resilience.org/stories/2024-01-19/change-is-coming-soon/</a></span></p>
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</div>How to Find Serenity in an Unfair World: The Path of Acceptance and Actiontag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-01-19:3365802:BlogPost:2094142024-01-19T18:00:00.000ZBarb Nanglehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/BarbNangle830
<h1><strong>Part 3 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations</strong></h1>
<p><strong><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12360471882?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-center" height="303" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12360471882?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="404"></img></a></strong></p>
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<h1><strong>Part 3 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations</strong></h1>
<p><strong><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12360471882?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12360471882?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-center" width="404" height="303"/></a></strong></p>
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<p><span>Fairness is one of my most important values. I really want things to be fair for people. At the same time, I get that the world is not fair.</span></p>
<p><span>What I’ve come to learn is that just because fairness is a value of mine, that doesn't mean I have to be pissed off when things aren’t fair. Just because I don’t agree with something doesn’t mean I have to be pissed off about it. I didn’t know that until I got into recovery. To me, </span></p>
<p><span>Disagreement = pissed off</span></p>
<p><span>What that means is that I was allowing all kinds of situations that bothered me to steal my serenity. It’s like I was fighting against reality, as if this </span><em>should be fair. </em><span>And that may be so in an ideal world, things should be fair for everyone. But who gets to decide what’s “fair?” My definition of fairness is not the same as yours.</span></p>
<p><span>I’ve come to understand that a lot of difficulty in my life gets removed once I </span><a href="https://higherpowercc.com/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-2-acceptance/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">accept things the way they are</a><span>. I don't always have a conscious idea in my head about the way they should be. I’ve learned that resentment is a good indicator of when I'm not accepting something. That’s often an indicator that I have some kind of an expectation that things </span><em>should be different</em><span>.</span></p>
<p><span>One of the ways I handle this now is to say to myself, “THIS is what’s happening.” Sometimes, I repeat it several times to myself, especially if I feel my resistance building. I think of saying that as inserting myself into the reality of the situation so I can face what’s actually happening instead of resisting against it and wishing it were different.</span></p>
<p><span>If I allowed the unfairness of the world to steal my serenity, I’d never have peace. There is so much unfairness in the world! If fairness is a strong value of yours, instead of getting pissed off and resentful about it, take action. Work toward creating circumstances, situations, opportunities and structures that are fair. Support organizations that work toward your definition of fairness.</span></p>
<p><span>That’s a much better use of your time and energy than using it to rail against people, organizations or situations that are not fair. That's a potentially endless endeavor because there is so much about this world that is not fair. If you spend all of your time being upset about that, you won't have time for anything else!</span></p>
<p><span>Stop expecting things to be fair! Acceptance means understanding that you acknowledge and understand that there are lots of things that are unfair. Our social structures were not set up to be fair, they were set up by and for certain types of people which means they set them up to benefit people like them. Some of that was done knowingly, some of it was not. </span></p>
<p><span>If we don't like that and we want things to </span><strong>be</strong><span> fair, it’s our job to do what we can to change those things, to create new systems that are fair (or at least that fit </span><em>our definition</em><span> of what is “fair”).</span></p>
<p><span>You can still hold onto fairness as being a really important value. It will help guide you to where you want to spend your time and energy. You might spend your time and energy with other people, organizations and causes that hold your definition of fairness as a value. You might spend time and money with organizations that work toward your definition of fairness. That doesn't mean that you have to be pissed off all the time because the world isn’t a fair place.</span></p>
<p><span>Instead of demanding fairness of the world, try to create fairness. Here are some quotes that might help with this mindset shift.</span></p>
<p><span>“Stop hoping to hear a good song and start singing one.”</span></p>
<p><span>“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”</span></p>
<p><span>“If the world is cold, make it your business to build fires.” ~ Horace Traubel</span></p>
<p><span>BElieve</span></p>
<p><span>THEre is</span></p>
<p><span>GOOD.</span></p>
<p><span>I especially love this last one because the way it’s depicted says both “be the good” and “believe there is good.” It helps us understand that it’s easy to </span><em>believe there is good</em><span> if we are </span><em>being the good</em><span>. We're both creating the belief and the evidence for the belief by being the good.</span></p>
<p><span>You</span><span> can continue to expect fairness and walk around being pissed off all the time, or you can accept that the world is unfair and take action. In other words, you can continue to expect fairness, but you’re going to suffer. That’s not on the world, it’s on you.</span></p>
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<p><span><span style="font-weight: 400;">For most blog posts like this go to</span> <a href="https://higherpowercc.com/newsletter.archive/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">FridayFragments.news</span></a></span></p>How to Let Go of Blame, Confront Unrealistic Expectations, and Embrace Realitytag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-01-17:3365802:BlogPost:2094152024-01-17T16:13:55.000ZBarb Nanglehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/BarbNangle830
<h1><strong>Part 2 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations</strong></h1>
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12360475898?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-center" height="376" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12360475898?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="501"></img></a></p>
<p><span>The reason I’m doing this five-part series is that having unrealistic expectations has been the story of my life. Letting go of those expectations has been an enormous part of my recovery and something I continue to deal with. I almost wrote “struggle” with, but it’s not…</span></p>
<h1><strong>Part 2 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations</strong></h1>
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12360475898?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12360475898?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-center" width="501" height="376"/></a></p>
<p><span>The reason I’m doing this five-part series is that having unrealistic expectations has been the story of my life. Letting go of those expectations has been an enormous part of my recovery and something I continue to deal with. I almost wrote “struggle” with, but it’s not a struggle the way it used to be. I see it and am much more able to let go more quickly.</span></p>
<p><span>But, of course, that was not always the case. Even when I could see I had unrealistic expectations, the letting go part was very rough. In fact, those were two of the top defects of character I discovered in taking a searching and fearless moral inventory of my life - unrealistic expectations and the inability to let things go. </span></p>
<p><span>I’d have unrealistic expectations of people and couldn't let them go. Then, I’d make people “pay” for not living up to my unrealistic expectations. Their “payment” was mostly in my mind, but I’d also be a dick to them for not living up to my unrealistic expectations. And I’d blame them for being assholes. </span></p>
<p><span>And that’s one of the things I want to address in this essay – laying blame. </span></p>
<p><span>There’s a saying in recovery, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”</span></p>
<p><span>The reason that’s a saying is that many of us in recovery have such unrealistic expectations of others that we don’t believe them when they show us who they are. Not the first time, or the second time, or maybe even the 100th time. That in itself is bad enough. What’s worse is that we then blame </span><em>them</em><span> for being the same person they’ve been the whole time.</span></p>
<p><span>There have been a number of times when someone showed me who they were, and I didn’t believe them. There was a friend who was notorious for blowing people off who I recommended as a contractor for another friend who was notorious for not following through on things. I was actually shocked when things didn’t work out between them, and the contractor got fired.</span></p>
<p><span>I had an unrealistic expectation that they’d somehow change their ways and each follow through on the commitments they’d made to each other regarding the contracting job.</span></p>
<p><span>There was my friend Dan who actually said to me, “You probably shouldn’t trust me” and then violated my trust. And I got mad at him for not being trustworthy. Dan is the same unhoused friend who helped me hit my codependent bottom and get into recovery, so this is yet another lesson he taught me for which I’m grateful.</span></p>
<p><span>I had an unrealistic expectation that someone who </span><em>told me</em><span> he’s untrustworthy would somehow magically become trustworthy. </span></p>
<p><span>Then there was the colleague with whom I continued to do business, despite repeated difficulty in getting her to clarify what was included in the purchase I made, what the pricing was, and when the delivery would be made. And I got really pissed off and came close to letting “her” ruin the weekend plans I’d made around her products and delivery.</span></p>
<p><span>I had an unrealistic expectation that someone who was very difficult to work with through the entire purchase process would somehow come through in the end with excellent service and exceed my expectations.</span></p>
<p><span>When someone shows you – especially repeatedly – that they’re a certain way, face facts. </span></p>
<p><span>If they never follow through, </span><em>expect them</em><span> to not follow through.</span></p>
<p><span>If they’re always insensitive, <em>expect them</em> to be insensitive.</span></p>
<p><span>If they’re continually cold and unfeeling, <em>expect them</em> to be cold, and unfeeling.</span></p>
<p><span>If they’ve proven themselves untrustworthy, <em>expect them</em> to be untrustworthy.</span></p>
<p><span>Don’t blame </span><em>them</em><span> when they continue behaving in ways they always have. </span><em>You’re</em><span> the one with the unrealistic expectation. And please, don’t use this to beat yourself up either! This is </span><a href="https://higherpowercc.com/ep-156-info-not-ammo/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">info, not ammo</a><span>.</span></p>
<p><span>When it came to untrustworthy people, I acted <em>like if I just love them enough, they’ll turn into a trustworthy person</em>. I can see now that that was my stance, but I was blind to it until recovery. I learned in step 4 that “my part” in those situations was trusting someone who was untrustworthy. </span></p>
<p><span>When you get your expectations in line with who the people around you are, life becomes much more peaceful. Instead of trying to manipulate people into being who we want them to be or walking around blaming others for our unrealistic expectations, we get to live in reality: this is what s/he’s like.</span></p>
<p><span>As they say, the truth shall set you free. When you expect people to be the way they already are, you let them off the hook. And you allow yourself to live in reality, which is so much easier than being continually disappointed with those around for being who they already are.</span></p>
<p></p>
<p><span><span style="font-weight: 400;">For most blog posts like this go to</span> <a href="https://higherpowercc.com/newsletter.archive/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">FridayFragments.news</span></a></span></p>
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12360475898?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"></a></p>Employment Opportunity: Project Directortag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-01-13:3365802:BlogPost:2091062024-01-13T00:41:13.000ZLisa Carterhttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/LisaCarter
<p>The Community Foundation<span> </span><em>for</em><span> </span>Greater New Haven is seeking a qualified candidate for the position of Project Director, Connecticut Consortium for BIPOC Technologists (CCBT).</p>
<p></p>
<p>The application deadline is January 21, 2024.</p>
<p></p>
<p>For more information and to apply, click <a href="https://www.cfgnh.org/about/employment-opportunities" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>.</p>
<p>The Community Foundation<span> </span><em>for</em><span> </span>Greater New Haven is seeking a qualified candidate for the position of Project Director, Connecticut Consortium for BIPOC Technologists (CCBT).</p>
<p></p>
<p>The application deadline is January 21, 2024.</p>
<p></p>
<p>For more information and to apply, click <a href="https://www.cfgnh.org/about/employment-opportunities" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>.</p>CT Public: Immigrant families suffer in CT's child care crisis. A report says universal funding could fix thattag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-01-10:3365802:BlogPost:2087852024-01-10T15:38:22.000ZLee Cruzhttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/LeeCruz
<p><span>Patricia Somorcurcio, originally from Peru, has resided in Hartford for over a decade. She has a 4-year-old daughter diagnosed with stage one autism, who attends a special needs speech and behavior therapy program...</span></p>
<p><span>More...…</span></p>
<p></p>
<p><span>Patricia Somorcurcio, originally from Peru, has resided in Hartford for over a decade. She has a 4-year-old daughter diagnosed with stage one autism, who attends a special needs speech and behavior therapy program...</span></p>
<p><span>More...</span></p>
<p><span><a href="https://www.ctpublic.org/news/2024-01-09/immigrant-families-suffer-in-cts-child-care-crisis-a-report-says-universal-funding-could-fix-that">https://www.ctpublic.org/news/2024-01-09/immigrant-families-suffer-in-cts-child-care-crisis-a-report-says-universal-funding-could-fix-that</a></span></p>CT Mirror: Child care, preschool slots for CT children are dropping, report saystag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-01-10:3365802:BlogPost:2088522024-01-10T15:33:38.000ZLee Cruzhttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/LeeCruz
<p><span>The report says the number of preschool slots alone has dropped 4% from 2022, to the lowest number since at least 2005.</span></p>
<p><span>Read more...</span></p>
<p><span><a href="https://ctmirror.org/2024/01/09/ct-voices-children-child-care-preschool">https://ctmirror.org/2024/01/09/ct-voices-children-child-care-preschool</a></span></p>
<p><span>The report says the number of preschool slots alone has dropped 4% from 2022, to the lowest number since at least 2005.</span></p>
<p><span>Read more...</span></p>
<p><span><a href="https://ctmirror.org/2024/01/09/ct-voices-children-child-care-preschool">https://ctmirror.org/2024/01/09/ct-voices-children-child-care-preschool</a></span></p>Important legislation takes effect: CT’s ‘clean slate’ law...tag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-01-08:3365802:BlogPost:2088452024-01-08T18:48:36.000ZLee Cruzhttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/LeeCruz
<div class="newspack-post-subtitle">Officials and advocates on Monday celebrated that Connecticut’s long-delayed “clean slate” law goes into effect in January</div>
<div class="entry-subhead"><div class="entry-meta"><span class="author-avatar"><img alt="Avatar photo" class="avatar avatar-80 photo" height="80" src="https://ctmirror-images.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Jaden-Edison-Cropped-80x80.png" width="80"></img></span> <span class="author-avatar"><img alt="Avatar photo" class="avatar avatar-80 photo" height="80" src="https://ctmirror-images.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/20220307_StaffPhoto_Hartford_YK_164-e1648173110136-80x80.jpeg" width="80"></img></span> <span class="byline"><span>by</span><span> </span><span class="author vcard"><a class="url fn n" href="https://ctmirror.org/author/jedison/">Jaden…</a></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="newspack-post-subtitle">Officials and advocates on Monday celebrated that Connecticut’s long-delayed “clean slate” law goes into effect in January</div>
<div class="entry-subhead"><div class="entry-meta"><span class="author-avatar"><img alt="Avatar photo" src="https://ctmirror-images.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Jaden-Edison-Cropped-80x80.png" class="avatar avatar-80 photo" height="80" width="80"/></span><span class="author-avatar"><img alt="Avatar photo" src="https://ctmirror-images.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/20220307_StaffPhoto_Hartford_YK_164-e1648173110136-80x80.jpeg" class="avatar avatar-80 photo" height="80" width="80"/></span><span class="byline"><span>by</span><span> </span><span class="author vcard"><a class="url fn n" href="https://ctmirror.org/author/jedison/">Jaden Edison</a></span><span> </span>and<span> </span><span class="author vcard"><a class="url fn n" href="https://ctmirror.org/author/mpazniokas/">Mark Pazniokas</a></span></span><span class="posted-on">December 18, 2023<span> </span></span></div>
<div class="entry-meta"><span class="posted-on"><span>Helen Caraballo seemingly got a break a dozen years ago when she was convicted of a low-level felony in a drug conspiracy case: A judge gave her a suspended sentence, sparing her time in prison.</span></span></div>
<div class="entry-meta"></div>
<div class="entry-meta"><span class="posted-on"><span>Source: CT Mirror</span></span></div>
<div class="entry-meta"><span class="posted-on"><span><a href="https://ctmirror.org/2023/12/18/ct-clean-slate-law/">https://ctmirror.org/2023/12/18/ct-clean-slate-law/</a></span></span></div>
</div>How to Break Free from Unrealistic Expectations for Inner Peace and Serenitytag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-01-05:3365802:BlogPost:2088342024-01-05T18:00:00.000ZBarb Nanglehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/BarbNangle830
<h1><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><strong>Part 1 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations<br></br><br></br></strong></span></h1>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12345026465?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-center" height="243" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12345026465?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="367"></img> <br></br></a></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span>Photo Credit: ph-m-chung</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"></p>
<p><span>One of the most disruptive patterns I discovered in early recovery was that I had…</span></p>
<h1><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><strong>Part 1 of 5: Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations<br/><br/></strong></span></h1>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12345026465?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12345026465?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-center" width="367" height="243"/><br/></a></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span>Photo Credit: ph-m-chung</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"></p>
<p><span>One of the most disruptive patterns I discovered in early recovery was that I had all kinds of unrealistic expectations - of myself, others and the world. Since this was such an enormous part of my recovery, I’m doing a five-part series on overcoming unrealistic expectations.</span></p>
<p><span>I’d heard well before recovery, “expectations are premeditated resentments,” but I had no idea how to NOT have expectations! I just couldn’t wrap my mind around that - how do you live in the world and <em>not</em> have expectations?! Here’s an example from my own recovery journey to illustrate.</span></p>
<p><span>At the time I started recovery, I’d worked for my boss for many years. I loved her dearly, <em>and </em>she drove me crazy! I now know that the vast majority of my issues with her were because of my unrealistic expectations.</span></p>
<p><span>I couldn't count on her because she frequently didn't do what she said she was going to do. She didn't follow through, and she incorrectly estimated time for just about everything. There was not much she said she was going to do that I could count on.</span></p>
<p><span>The thing is, that’s what she was like since the day I met her.</span></p>
<p><span>Yet I kept having these expectations that she <em>should</em> be different than that.</span></p>
<p><span>Soon into my recovery journey, I came across a reading that helped me with this. The reading mentioned that learning better ways of dealing with other people is a lifelong process and that recovery teaches us things that help, like <a href="https://higherpowercc.com/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-2-acceptance/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">acceptance</a>.</span></p>
<p><span>The writer mentioned having had all sorts of expectations about others’ abilities and behavior, like that they should be competent, capable, and productive, behave rationally and be true to their word. Then the writer said, “These are my expectations for myself, and I've had to let them go for others.” The author went on to say they still get <em>disappointed</em> when someone doesn't follow through, but they don't let it ruin their serenity. </span></p>
<p><span>Whoa! What?! I can have different expectations of others than I do for myself?? And I don’t have to let others ruin my serenity?! This was mind blowing to me! </span></p>
<p><span>What I’ve come to realize is that it may be <em>reasonable</em> in a professional setting to expect people to follow through on what they say they’re going to do. However, if someone has shown you repeatedly that they aren’t going to follow through, then it’s an unrealistic expectation <em>for that person</em>. That is, it may be reasonable and also unrealistic.</span></p>
<p><span>This was exceedingly difficult for me to accept, but I eventually did because of the enormous amount of work I did on learning to accept things I previously saw as unacceptable. That had an enormous influence in changing my life.</span></p>
<p><span>When I applied the concept of acceptance to the situation with my boss, I was able to let go of the outcome of each situation involving her. That is, I really got, “This is what she’s like – she doesn’t follow through.” No amount of wishing, hoping or manipulating on my part is going to turn her into someone who follows through. </span></p>
<p><span>I was blaming HER for my unrealistic expectations, when she was being exactly the same person the entire time.</span></p>
<p><span>The way I tackled letting go unrealistic expectations was kind of like “Monday morning quarterbacking.” I’d look at a situation that upset me after the fact and ask myself, “What went on here?” and I'd realize, “Oh, that was me having unrealistic expectations.” That happened again and again and again. </span></p>
<p><span>That continual reflection sensitized me to the types of situations where I was likely to have unrealistic expectations. That eventually enabled me to see these types of situations <em>ahead of time</em> as opportunities to <em>not</em> have unrealistic expectations - to not be tied to the outcome.</span></p>
<p><span>This doesn't mean I don't ever have expectations of people. What it does mean is that when I get upset that things don't turn out the way I want them to, I can say, “Oh I had an expectation there.” As soon as I realize that my difficulty is a result of MY expectation and NOT a result of the other person, it removes any resentment. It also releases any tension I had.</span></p>
<p><span>I now understand that if I want peace and serenity (which I do) I can let go of that expectation. I change the way I think about how I think the situation <em>should</em> have turned out. That practice has helped me recognize when I’m <em>forming</em> expectations.</span></p>
<p><span>I can’t describe how enormously this practice has impacted my recovery and my peace of mind. Serenity is inversely proportional to expectations and directly proportional to acceptance. So keep your mind ON acceptance and OFF expectations because what you focus on grows (recovery), and what you ignore diminishes (negativity).</span></p>
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<p><span><span style="font-weight: 400;">For most blog posts like this go to</span> <a href="https://higherpowercc.com/newsletter.archive/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">FridayFragments.news</span></a></span></p>The Fixing Father's Team is taking a bunch of kids to NYC to see THE WIZ!tag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-01-04:3365802:BlogPost:2088402024-01-04T21:10:12.000ZDAVID ASBERYhttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/DAVIDASBERY
<div><span>Hello Friends and Supporters of Fixing Fathers, Inc.,</span></div>
<div><span>We're thrilled to announce that we're planning a magical trip for two busloads of kids to the heart of NYC to experience the legendary Broadway show, The Wiz. </span>For many of these young people, this will be their first encounter with live theater, a transformative experience that could ignite a lifelong love for the arts. Today marks an important milestone in our journey - we've secured 35 tickets! But…</div>
<div><span>Hello Friends and Supporters of Fixing Fathers, Inc.,</span></div>
<div><span>We're thrilled to announce that we're planning a magical trip for two busloads of kids to the heart of NYC to experience the legendary Broadway show, The Wiz. </span>For many of these young people, this will be their first encounter with live theater, a transformative experience that could ignite a lifelong love for the arts. Today marks an important milestone in our journey - we've secured 35 tickets! But our mission isn't complete yet. We need YOUR help to secure 35 more tickets and two charter buses. This isn't just a dream - it's HAPPENING! And we can't wait to share this unforgettable experience with these deserving children. <span>If you're able to contribute towards our goal, please reach out to Dr. David Asbery at 718-288-0768. Any amount helps and brings us one step closer to the finish line. </span><span>Thank you for considering a donation to this meaningful cause. Together, we can ensure that these children get to experience the magic of Broadway.</span></div>
<div><span><a href="https://youtu.be/r1IyHiuHRW4?si=MrjIQ22j11pnqzJR" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Wiz is coming to Broadway!</a></span></div>
<div><span><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12345502666?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12345502666?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-left"/></a></span></div>Why It's None of Your Business What Others Think of Youtag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2024-01-04:3365802:BlogPost:2087692024-01-04T17:48:47.000ZBarb Nanglehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/BarbNangle830
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12345428281?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-center" height="188" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12345428281?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="282"></img></a></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 8pt;">Photo Credit: Dayne Topkin</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"></p>
<p><span>When I first heard the saying, “It's none of your business what other people think of you”, I had no idea what that meant. I seriously couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Every time I thought about that saying, it…</span></p>
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12345428281?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12345428281?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="282" height="188" class="align-center"/></a></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 8pt;">Photo Credit: Dayne Topkin</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"></p>
<p><span>When I first heard the saying, “It's none of your business what other people think of you”, I had no idea what that meant. I seriously couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Every time I thought about that saying, it just baffled me.</span></p>
<p><span>I now know it baffled me because of my codependence, which meant I was super focused on what others thought of me. That was outside my awareness though, which explains why this statement was so baffling. </span></p>
<p><span>Early in my recovery, I heard a speaker say, “It's none of your business what other people think of you. What <strong><em>is</em></strong> your business is what <strong><em>you</em></strong> think of you.” WOW!! That was mind-boggling. I hadn’t really considered what I thought of myself. </span></p>
<p><span>This was one of many things in recovery that helped me understand that I was so focused on others’ opinions of me and getting their approval. I had no idea that was true about me. In fact, when I first heard the term “people-pleaser” I didn’t think it referred to me. For an introspective person who’s been on a personal growth journey since age 24, that’s pretty astonishing, but oh so true!</span></p>
<p><span>Being so focused on getting others’ approval meant that if there was the slightest hint I didn’t have someone’s approval, I made it mean that there was something bad or wrong with me. Then I’d make it my mission to try to get them to approve of me.</span></p>
<p><span>Sound familiar? If that’s you, perhaps you bend over backwards for others, or try to pretend you like things that you don't. Or instead, you may try to make that person wrong or bad in your mind. We do all these things because we care more about what they think about us than what we think about us. </span></p>
<p><span>Here are a couple of examples of how to shift your thinking on this from Brooke Castillo of the Life Coach School. The first such shift we’ll call “The Peach.” Let’s say you're a peach, and someone bites into you, and they don't like you because they don't like peaches. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you as the peach, or that there's anything wrong with them. They just don't like peaches. No value judgment. </span></p>
<p><span>It’s easy to understand and buy into this concept when we're talking about peaches, but when someone doesn't like us as a person, we take that sooo personally. Think of yourself like this: I’m a peach – and some people just don’t like peaches. That’s it. It doesn’t need to mean anything more than that.</span></p>
<p><span>Brooke’s second mindset shift we’ll call “The Constant.” Let's say you walk into a room with ten people. If what you did and said were the only factors influencing what they think of you, then all ten of those people would think the exact same thing of you. But that’s not how it works. Every person is going to have a different opinion of you. </span></p>
<p><span>You’re the same you. You’re the <em>constant</em>. But their opinions are based on their life experience, especially their perception, which is always individualized and subjective. Perhaps you remind them of a former colleague they loved, so they feel good toward you. Or perhaps you remind them of a former teacher who humiliated them so they take an extreme dislike of you. The possibilities are endless. The point is that very little of how people respond to you has to do with you. It has much more to do with them. Otherwise, everyone would have the same opinion of you. </span></p>
<p><span>What YOU think of yourself is so much more important and valuable than what others think. It’s fine to seek others’ approval, but <strong><em>only when you have your own approval first. </em></strong> You have to live in your skin, in your life. They don’t.</span></p>
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<p><span><span style="font-weight: 400;">For most blog posts like this go to</span> <a href="https://higherpowercc.com/newsletter.archive/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">FridayFragments.news</span></a></span></p>16 Ways to Fall in Love with Yourself Part 3 of 3tag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2023-12-22:3365802:BlogPost:2087302023-12-22T18:00:00.000ZBarb Nanglehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/BarbNangle830
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12310932068?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-center" height="266" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12310932068?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="399"></img> Photo Credit: Tim Mossholder</a></p>
<p></p>
<p>I believe I’ve always pretty much liked myself. But I realized in recovery that I didn’t really <em>love</em> myself, and I didn’t feel <em>worthy</em>. When I inventoried my life, I could see, “Those were not the behaviors of a woman who feels worthy and loves herself.” Learning to love myself has been one of the…</p>
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12310932068?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12310932068?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-center" width="399" height="266"/>Photo Credit: Tim Mossholder</a></p>
<p></p>
<p>I believe I’ve always pretty much liked myself. But I realized in recovery that I didn’t really <em>love</em> myself, and I didn’t feel <em>worthy</em>. When I inventoried my life, I could see, “Those were not the behaviors of a woman who feels worthy and loves herself.” Learning to love myself has been one of the most incredible gifts of recovery.</p>
<p></p>
<p>It’s also a gift that many of my clients receive in the process of building healthy boundaries. That’s because building boundaries is a process of getting to know yourself, learning to show up for yourself, and doing more of what you like and less of what you don’t like. Who wouldn’t love someone who does all those things for them?! So you won’t be surprised to see that “set boundaries” is the next item on this list!<br/> In case you missed parts 2 and 3, here’s what was on them:</p>
<p></p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Get help for your addiction</strong></li>
<li><strong>Stop judging yourself so harshly</strong></li>
<li><strong>Reparent yourself</strong></li>
<li><strong>Mirror work</strong></li>
<li><strong>Take care of your physical body</strong></li>
<li><strong>Connect with something greater than yourself</strong></li>
<li><strong>Step away from chaos</strong></li>
<li><strong>Take care of your physical environment</strong></li>
<li><strong>Learn to ask for help</strong></li>
<li><strong>Be present</strong></li>
<li><strong>Use gentle language with yourself</strong></li>
</ol>
<p></p>
<p><br/> Below are my last five suggestions for how to love yourself. Of course, there are many other ways you can grow to love yourself. I’d love to hear how you love yourself. <a href="mailto:Barb@higherpowercc.com?subject=how%20I%20love%20myself" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Drop me an email here to let me know how</a>.</p>
<p></p>
<p><br/> <strong>12. Set boundaries. </strong>Shocking for a boundaries coach, I know! My experience of learning to set healthy boundaries was that I got to know myself through the experimental process (and it’s <em>always</em> an experimental process). I learned, “I really <em>don’t</em> like that” and “I guess I <em>do</em> like this.” I’d been such a chameleon before recovery that there was much of me that was up for negotiation. Building boundaries helped me discover who I really am, and what I really want, like, need, and prefer.</p>
<p></p>
<p>As I got to know what was okay and not okay with me, I began to follow through on those preferences more and more. When I set a boundary, I felt better about myself because I showed up for myself in ways I hadn’t before. Then, because I felt better about myself, it was easier to set the next boundary. Getting to know yourself better and standing up for yourself is an incredible way to love yourself!</p>
<p></p>
<p><br/> <strong>13. Give yourself peace. </strong>What I’ve discovered as I’ve gotten to know myself better is that what I want more than anything else is peace. I lived with such drama and chaos much of my life, especially internally, that I’m done with all that shit! I want peace.</p>
<p></p>
<p>I often ask myself, “What do I need to do to have peace?” For me, twice daily meditation is imperative. Consistent conscious contact with my Higher Power is also essential. I also stay away from people who are not peaceful. I slow down and take breaks instead of operating with a sense of urgency all the time. I stay away from controversy, and that includes staying away from the news, current events, and politics. The first few years I stopped paying attention to those things, I was afraid people would think I was ignorant and uninformed. Then I realized I AM ignorant and uninformed! AND I have peace. I’ll take peace any day. It feels really loving.</p>
<p></p>
<p><br/> <strong>14. Stop the negative self-talk. </strong>In my late 20s, I discovered that I had a really super negative self-talk. I’d say horrendous things to myself in my head. I wasn’t even aware of it until it was pointed out to me in a book where other people’s negative thoughts were revealed. I read their words and said “Holy shit! I say that stuff to myself too!” It’s kind of shocking to know that that stuff had been running like a ticker tape through my mind all the time, yet I wasn’t aware of it.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Clean up your negative self-talk! This is crucial. You cannot love yourself or have a well-lived life when the background noise of your life is full of shitty things about you. Because you come to believe those things. A belief is essentially a thought you’ve thought for so long that you’ve come to believe that it’s the truth. You’ve gotta turn that messaging off! The best way to do that is to replace it with something else. I’ve written two articles about how to clean up your thought life. They can be found <a href="https://betterboundarieswithbarb.com/how-to-upgrade-your-life-by-improving-your-thought-life/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">here</a> and <a href="https://betterboundarieswithbarb.com/5-mind-altering-ways-to-improve-your-thoughts-and-your-life/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">here</a>. </p>
<p></p>
<p><br/> <strong>15. Affirmations. </strong>This is sort of a follow-up on #14. I know some people think saying affirmations are hoaky bullshit. And that may be true for some people, but it’s been a game-changer for me. Think about someone you love. If you continually say kind and loving things to them, don’t you think it would have an impact on your relationship with them? </p>
<p></p>
<p>The same is true for yourself. It’s hard to have a loving relationship with <em>anyone</em> without words of affirmation. In fact, “words of affirmation” is one of the <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Secret-Lasts/dp/B079B7PJMV/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=345571869116&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9003367&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=12327129889146650350&hvtargid=kwd-296635591360&hydadcr=24656_10400585&keywords=five+love+languages&qid=1701966955&sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>Five Love Languages</em></a> in the book by Gary Chapman. If you’re not familiar with the concept, I encourage you to <a href="https://5lovelanguages.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">take Chapman’s test here</a> to find out your love language. Then love yourself in the way you best receive love. And teach others to love you similarly.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Be kind to yourself, especially in your mind. Say affirmative things to yourself. You deserve it.</p>
<p></p>
<p><br/> <strong>16. Live in alignment with your values. </strong>I had no idea I wasn’t living in alignment with my values until I got into recovery. Part of step 12 is that we “practice these principles in all our affairs.” What that means is that we live in alignment with the spiritual principles of our 12-step fellowship. The reason we do this is because we’re so much less likely to relapse when we’re doing the right things. It’s loving to live in alignment with your values.</p>
<p></p>
<p>I was violating my values all over the place before recovery, especially about honesty. Before recovery, I truly believed I was an honest person. Nope! I lied about food, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, and my relationships. Probably the largest portion of my dishonesty had to do with my people-pleasing behaviors - I’d agree to things that I didn't want to do, I acted like things were okay with me that weren’t, and said no to things I really wanted to do so I wouldn’t be judged or because it would be inconvenient for others. </p>
<p></p>
<p>I didn't know it at the time, but I was doing it because I wanted people to approve of me. I could go on and on about the ways I violated my values, yet I thought I was a very values-oriented person. </p>
<p></p>
<p>One of the reasons living in alignment with your values contributes to self-love is that you become proud of yourself. You’ll <em>know</em> you’re an honest woman of integrity. It’s also <em>way less draining</em> to live in alignment with your values, and who doesn’t want more energy?! Living aligned is so much easier, and the things you value are likely to light you up. Doing things that light you up is loving. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Of course, there are plenty of other ways you can learn to fall in love with yourself (and I’d love to hear how you’re doing it, <a href="mailto:Barb@higherpowercc.com?subject=loving%20myself" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">email me here</a>. These are just some of the ways I’ve learned how to do it. What one will you try first?</p>
<p></p>
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<tbody><tr><td><span>For most blog posts like this go to</span><span> </span><a rel="nofollow" href="https://higherpowercc.com/newsletter.archive/"><span>FridayFragments.news</span></a></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
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<p></p>BLUE DOES NOT MEAN SKY: A City Gallery Group Showtag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2023-12-20:3365802:BlogPost:2087582023-12-20T13:34:30.000ZJen Paynehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/JenPayne662
<p></p>
<p><em><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12331703287?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-full" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12331703287?profile=RESIZE_710x"></img></a></em></p>
<p><em>Featuring Work by</em> J<em>udy Atlas, Meg Bloom, Phyllis Crowley, and Rita Hannafin</em></p>
<p><em> </em></p>
<p>French painter Henri Matisse once explained, “When I apply green, that does not mean grass, when I apply blue, that does not mean sky.” Abstract Art does not attempt to be literal in that way; it uses other means to…</p>
<p></p>
<p><em><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12331703287?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12331703287?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-full"/></a></em></p>
<p><em>Featuring Work by</em> J<em>udy Atlas, Meg Bloom, Phyllis Crowley, and Rita Hannafin</em></p>
<p><em> </em></p>
<p>French painter Henri Matisse once explained, “When I apply green, that does not mean grass, when I apply blue, that does not mean sky.” Abstract Art does not attempt to be literal in that way; it uses other means to express the feelings and visions of the artists, guiding the viewers to new perspectives. Come see for yourself during BLUE DOES NOT MEAN SKY, a City Gallery Group Show featuring abstract work by artists Judy Atlas, Meg Bloom, Phyllis Crowley, and Rita Hannafin on view from January 5 through January 28, with an Artist Reception on Saturday, January 13, 2:00 - 4:00 p.m.(Snow date Sunday January 14 2:00 - 4:00). In addition, artists will be in the Gallery on January 7 (Crowley), January 14 (Atlas), January 21 (Bloom), and January 28 (Hannafin).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Abstract painter Judy Atlas expresses her exploration of the patterns, shapes, lines and movements found in nature and everyday life. Her paintings in this exhibit return to her “flux” series, communicating the sense or state of always flowing, yet never ending.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Meg Bloom finds beauty in the imperfect and impermanent. Through her sculptures and mixed media works, her art marks moments of transience as she responds to the world around her. Her art almost always references nature and reflects the increased urgency she feels to respond to the chaos and destructiveness in the environment, whether natural or man-made.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Phyllis Crowley combines photographs to make new relationships that bring her closer to the original emotional experience. The images speak to each other, create different ideas and associations, often emphasizing elements that are subdued in each original. The process is similar to building a story sentence by sentence; or even more, in writing a poem with the words carefully chosen, and the placement critical.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rooted in a traditional quilt-making background, art quilter Rita Hannafin explores abstraction to express a new perspective of personal images that inspire her. Her series in this group show begins with an orderly vista and morphs into a chaotic construct. The underlying emotion is the energy of New York City which serves to unify the work.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Offering a unique opportunity to explore abstract art in a variety of media, BLUE DOES NOT MEAN SKY is free and open to the public. It will be on view from January 5 through January 28, with an Artist Reception on Saturday, January 13, 2:00 - 4:00 p.m. (Snow date Sunday January 14 2:00 - 4:00). City Gallery is located at 994 State Street, New Haven, CT 06511. Gallery hours are Friday - Sunday, 12pm - 4 pm, or by appointment. For further information please contact City Gallery, info@city-gallery.org, <a href="http://www.city-gallery.org">www.city-gallery.org</a>.</p>
<p> </p>From tree planting to ‘sponge cities’: why nature-based solutions are crucial to fighting the climate crisistag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2023-12-19:3365802:BlogPost:2088172023-12-19T16:49:33.000ZLee Cruzhttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/LeeCruz
<p><span><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/profile/patrick-greenfield" rel="author">Patrick Greenfield</a></span></p>
<p><span>Wed 29 Nov 2023 06.00 EST</span></p>
<p></p>
<p><span>The natural world underpins human civilisation on every corner of the planet. From oceans to rainforests, grasslands to mangrove swamps, ecosystems feed billions of humans, produce clean water and provide materials for shelter. As the planet heats, scientists and conservationists are urging the world to harness…</span></p>
<p><span><a rel="author" href="https://www.theguardian.com/profile/patrick-greenfield">Patrick Greenfield</a></span></p>
<p><span>Wed 29 Nov 2023 06.00 EST</span></p>
<p></p>
<p><span>The natural world underpins human civilisation on every corner of the planet. From oceans to rainforests, grasslands to mangrove swamps, ecosystems feed billions of humans, produce clean water and provide materials for shelter. As the planet heats, scientists and conservationists are urging the world to harness and restore nature to maintain a habitable planet.</span></p>
<p><span><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2023/nov/29/from-tree-planting-to-sponge-cities-why-nature-based-solutions-are-crucial-to-fighting-the-climate-crisis">https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2023/nov/29/from-tree-planting-to-sponge-cities-why-nature-based-solutions-are-crucial-to-fighting-the-climate-crisis</a></span></p>16 Ways to Fall in Love with Yourself Part 2 of 3tag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2023-12-15:3365802:BlogPost:2085662023-12-15T18:00:00.000ZBarb Nanglehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/BarbNangle830
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12311043257?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-center" height="381" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12311043257?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="572"></img> <span>Photo Credit: Fellipe Ditadi</span></a></p>
<p><span>Learning to love yourself is one of the most incredible gifts you can give yourself. In essence, treat yourself as if you are beloved, and you will be.</span></p>
<p><span>This is the second of my three-part series on how to love yourself. In case you missed the first one, here’s what the first five…</span></p>
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12311043257?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12311043257?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-center" width="572" height="381"/><span>Photo Credit: Fellipe Ditadi</span></a></p>
<p><span>Learning to love yourself is one of the most incredible gifts you can give yourself. In essence, treat yourself as if you are beloved, and you will be.</span></p>
<p><span>This is the second of my three-part series on how to love yourself. In case you missed the first one, here’s what the first five suggestions were:</span><br/> </p>
<ol>
<li><span><strong>Get help for your addiction</strong></span></li>
<li><span><strong>Stop judging yourself so harshly</strong></span></li>
<li><span><strong>Reparent yourself</strong></span></li>
<li><span><strong>Mirror work</strong></span></li>
<li><span><strong>Take care of your physical body</strong></span></li>
</ol>
<p><br/> <span>Below, I’ll share suggestions 6-11. In the third essay next week, I’ll share the last five suggestions.</span><br/> </p>
<p><span><strong>6. Connect with something greater than yourself. </strong>Whether you’re an atheist, agnostic, spiritual, or religious person, knowing that you’re part of something greater than yourself can be soooo healing. I identify as a very spiritual person and call my Higher Power “God.” But it’s my own definition of God that works for me. It’s something like – the all of everything, plus a little bit more.</span></p>
<p><span>Making conscious contact with the universe consistently helps you get perspective on life. You’re not just a worker doing a job Mon-Fri 9:00-5:00 or a role in your family or community. You’re a miracle! And you’re part of something greater, and your part matters. If you believe as I do, that you can actually tap into that power, then do it! I was agnostic until I was about 37, and connecting to a Higher Power and reaching out to that Power for assistance is WAY BETTER than going it alone! It’s an enormous relief to remember I’m not alone (even if I sometimes feel like I am) and not in charge (even if I sometimes feel like I am).</span><br/> </p>
<p><span><strong>7. Step away from chaos. </strong>You do not have to put up with chaotic people, situations, or environments. I honestly didn’t even see walking away from chaos as an option before recovery. It just WAS. It was just part of my life and something I dealt with. To be sure life wasn’t like that 100% of the time, but enough that it was normalized to me. This was especially true in all the places I worked before recovery. If you feel like shit every time you see a certain person, go to a certain place, or engage in a specific activity, find a way to get out of there! It’s okay to walk away from chaos.</span><br/> </p>
<p><span><strong>8. Take care of your physical environment. </strong>For me, it starts by making my bed every day. I used to think, “What’s the point? I’m going to mess it up anyway.” However, it sets the tone for my day. When I walk back into my bedroom, it’s a stable, peaceful environment. It’s not chaotic.</span></p>
<p><span>I’ve never been the best housekeeper, but I’ve gotten better and better over the years. In fact, I’ve recently started paying to have my home cleaned monthly. The worst part for me was the clutter, which I dealt with years ago. I may still have pockets of clutter in areas of my home from time to time, but the place is no longer cluttered. It frees up brain space when you take care of your physical environment. And as they say, “As within, so without.” That is, what’s going on the outside is often a reflection of what’s going on inside. It’s my experience that I can influence what’s going on inside by changing my environment from chaotic to peaceful. Feng Shui is a great place to start. It’s the Chinese art of placement. You learn to place things in your home in a way that allows for the greatest flow of positive energy.</span><br/> </p>
<p><span><strong>9. Learn to ask for help. </strong>Another way to say this is to allow people to love you. The universe is made up of ebbs and flows, in-breaths and out-breaths. We’re meant to give <em>and</em> receive. The saying, “It’s better to give than to receive" dismisses the patterns of nature. They’re both required, and neither is better. If you’ve been giving, giving, giving your whole life, it’s time to receive.</span></p>
<p><span>When I got into recovery it was almost impossible for me to ask for help. I sometimes felt like I was gonna die at the idea of asking for help. Gradually, with the help of my fellows in recovery, I learned to ask for and welcome help. It was a very humbling process, to be honest. If you’d like to learn more about my journey to ask for help <a href="https://betterboundarieswithbarb.com/how-to-start-asking-for-help-when-youve-never-done-it/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">you can read about that here</a>.</span></p>
<p><span>One of the tricks to learning to ask for help is discerning who are the right people to ask for help. It can be very vulnerable to ask for help, so you want to make sure to ask those you can trust. This was an educational process for me, given my history of trusting untrustworthy people.</span><br/> </p>
<p><span><strong>10. Be present. </strong>You cannot be purposeful about your life if you are not in the present moment. Learning to love yourself doesn’t happen by accident, it takes intention. If you’re constantly dissociating, worrying about the future, or ruminating about the past you’re not going to be able to intentionally cultivate self-love.</span></p>
<p><span>Getting into the present moment is imperative for self-love. The main way I get into the present moment is to connect with my body through my senses and breath. Pay attention to each sense in succession – what is the farthest thing you can see, the faintest sound you can hear? What can you smell or taste? Perhaps it’s nothing, but just connecting with those senses makes you present with yourself.</span></p>
<p><span>You can simply pay attention to your in and out breaths, you can count your in-breaths and double the length of your out-breaths. There are several ways to use breath to get present. Another way to get present is by consciously feeling your feet on the floor or your butt in the chair.</span><br/> </p>
<p><span><strong>11. Use gentle language with yourself. </strong>Even though I still swear a lot, I don’t swear <em>at</em> myself any longer. I now say things like, “Oh goodness!” when something goes wrong. I didn’t choose to make this shift, it spontaneously happened. But I have chosen to make other shifts. I talk sweetly to myself now. And I especially talk sweetly to my inner child and inner teenager. </span></p>
<p><span>Next week, I’ll share part 3 with more five ways to fall in love with yourself. Be gentle with yourself, and treat yourself in loving ways as you embark on this journey. Have fun with it! LOVE the journey!</span></p>
<p></p>
<p><span>For most blog posts like this go to <a rel="nofollow" href="https://higherpowercc.com/newsletter.archive/">FridayFragments.news</a></span></p>16 Ways to Fall in Love with Yourself Part 1 of 3tag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2023-12-08:3365802:BlogPost:2085002023-12-08T18:00:00.000ZBarb Nanglehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/BarbNangle830
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12311041864?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-full" height="375" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12311041864?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="667"></img> Photo Credit: Fellipe Ditadi</a></p>
<p><span>On a recent call with a private client, she said, “I am falling in love with myself!”</span></p>
<p><span>I cannot tell you how unbelievably awesome that makes me feel! My heart is swollen with pride and love that I get to shepherd her on her journey to self-love. Mind you, that was only after four weeks of working…</span></p>
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12311041864?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12311041864?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-full" width="667" height="375"/>Photo Credit: Fellipe Ditadi</a></p>
<p><span>On a recent call with a private client, she said, “I am falling in love with myself!”</span></p>
<p><span>I cannot tell you how unbelievably awesome that makes me feel! My heart is swollen with pride and love that I get to shepherd her on her journey to self-love. Mind you, that was only after four weeks of working with me!</span></p>
<p><span>What I want for all of my clients, and everybody in the world really, is that they grow to love themselves. Here are some tips for how to fall in love with yourself that have worked for me. They’re not in any particular order.</span></p>
<p><span>It will help if you think of it as building a relationship with yourself. If you were falling in love with another person, you’d do things to let them know you care. You’d treat them well, and let them know you’re thinking of them. You can do that for yourself too!</span></p>
<p><span><strong>1. Get help for your addiction. </strong>If you’re addicted to a substance, whether it’s food, drugs, alcohol, or perhaps you have a process addiction like sex or gambling, get help. You will not have a high-quality life that you love when you’re using. You don’t have to go it alone. There are over 200 12-step programs, and there are tons of resources out there no matter your income level. <a href="https://higherpowercc.com/recommendations/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Here’s a page on my website</a> with some recommendations I have.</span></p>
<p><span><strong>2. Stop judging yourself so harshly. </strong>Most people believe in being kind and loving to others and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Yet when it comes to ourselves, we hold ourselves to a much higher standard. Here’s the thing, you are FLAWESOME! Just because you have flaws, doesn’t mean you’re not also awesome! Give yourself the same love and kindness you give others. Cut yourself some slack for a change. That self-judgment isn’t shaping you into a better person. You'd just end up battered and bruised.</span></p>
<p><span><strong>3. Reparent yourself. </strong>Even if you think it sounds hoaky, give it a try. The deep and profound healing I’ve experienced through my reparenting journey, especially in this past year, has been astounding. I can’t tell you how much fear and emotional pain I’ve released. Not to mention forging a real relationship with my inner family.</span></p>
<p><span>Reparenting can be as simple as being good and kind to yourself like a loving parent would be. It can also be very complex where you create a whole cast of inner characters and recast your past. To get started, I highly recommend getting your hands on a photo of you as a child so you can look at it regularly and say loving things to the picture. You might also try to connect using non-dominant handwriting. Write to your inner child with your dominant hand, then respond using your non-dominant hand. I don’t know how it works, but it does! Somehow doing that bypasses the adult part of your brain. Start with “getting to know you” comments and questions and see where it goes.</span></p>
<p><span><strong>4. Mirror work. </strong>This was super awkward, but also super powerful! Look at your eyes in the mirror and say loving things to yourself. When I started this, I was very resistant. But I was committed to changing my ways and that meant I had to try new things. I decided the thing I needed to say to myself was, “I love you just the way you are Barb.”</span></p>
<p><span>I didn’t mean it at first and I cried while doing it. And I kept doing it. That meant I was telling myself, “I love you even when crying ‘for no reason,’ even when resisting doing this work, even when feeling weird and awkward.”</span></p>
<p><span>Eventually, it got less weird and awkward. Eventually, I stopped crying. Eventually, I meant it. And now, I very regularly (at least once daily) catch my eye in the bathroom mirror and say, “I love you Barb, just the way you are.” Now, I’m typically grinning an impish grin when I do it.</span></p>
<p><span><strong>5. Take care of your physical body. </strong>You are an animal. You’re not a machine. And animals need care. They need consistent sleep, food, water, activity, and relaxation. We were meant to move. So move your body, and stop ingesting things that were not meant for consumption by animals. Or at least start adding things that are good for you, whether that’s healthy foods, consistent movement, or sleep. Just treat your body as if it is beloved, even if you don’t feel that way just yet.</span></p>
<p><span>Over the next two weeks, I’ll share parts 2 and 3 with some additional ways to fall in love with yourself. Remember that this is a journey. Most people grow in love with others, they don’t really “fall” into love immediately. So be patient with this new lover of yours.</span></p>
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<p><span>For most blog posts like this go to <a rel="nofollow" href="https://higherpowercc.com/newsletter.archive/">FridayFragments.news</a></span></p>Space needed to make closet for the homeless and less fortunatetag:gnhcommunity.ning.com,2023-12-06:3365802:BlogPost:2086632023-12-06T04:03:11.000ZAvereta Clarkehttps://gnhcommunity.ning.com/profile/AveretaClarke772
<p>Moved With Compassion Ministry is a Charitable nonprofit 501c3 organization in New Haven. Our mission is to provide basic needs such as food, clothing along with educational and spiritual assistance so that those in the community can live with dignity and respect. We currently distribute clothing out of a basement in New Haven. Clothing are issued to individual as requested. We attend community events and set up tables with clothes, books and toys that we give out. We have a passion to…</p>
<p>Moved With Compassion Ministry is a Charitable nonprofit 501c3 organization in New Haven. Our mission is to provide basic needs such as food, clothing along with educational and spiritual assistance so that those in the community can live with dignity and respect. We currently distribute clothing out of a basement in New Haven. Clothing are issued to individual as requested. We attend community events and set up tables with clothes, books and toys that we give out. We have a passion to serve the homeless and less fortune. We give out coats, hats,scarfs, socks, shoes, blankets and regular clothing to the homeless or anyone in need . We make the items available all year. We have partnered with the newhallville community at their community event. We currently have a need for 200 square feet of space to display and store the items that we give out. The organization is seeking a rent free space, we can supply a donation receipt for the cost of the space. We desperately need the space immediately so we can effectively serve the homeless and less fortunate in our community . Thank you in advance</p>